my calendar says it’s winter,
but all signs point to fall.
sunlight filters in broken beams
through trees that still cling to their leaves.
I make a point to crunch the fallen ones under my feet,
making zig-zagged paths that sound like childhood.
.
some flowers seem to thrive in the darker months,
but these camellia bushes rot in the cold.
what a shame it is, that these once-colorful blossoms
couldn’t make it through their prime season.
though, they’re rather beautiful in their withering plight,
so I won’t cry over shed petals.
.
the pictures I take will be memories by next winter,
like the splotchy bark of a sycamore tree.
colors and shapes can easily become pixels,
but photos can’t replace the warmth of the sun,
or the cool breeze that rustles my hair,
or the humbling awe of a walk through the park.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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The other day I took a walk through the park while listening to a playlist of instrumental folk music, and it was truly magical. The things described in the poem are things I saw. My area had been really cold for a while so it was refreshing to get some nice weather for once lol.
I tried to capture feelings of nostalgia, wonder, and a general sense of being awestruck at the world.
Hey there Gengar! I'm a big lover of poetry that reflects the seasons, so this one definitely speaks to me. I'm not the best at poem reviews, but I'm going to give this one a go anyway.
I really love how the poem is super rich with vivid imagery. My favourite lines are "sunlight filters in broken beams" and "the splotchy bark of a sycamore tree." These really help me picture the scenes and feel the atmosphere.
I also really like the way you kind of meld an observational tone with a more reflective one. You've done a great job at creating a sense of nostalgia and contemplation, particularly in lines like "making zig-zagged paths that sound like childhood" and "the pictures I take will be memories by next winter." These are some really great metaphors, simple but I found them really effective.
I don't really feel like your title does this one justice in capturing the tone, so if I were to suggest any improvements it would be to rethink that. But overall, a really good read. Thanks for sharing it!
Icy
Hello there, Gengar! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the frightful S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This is a short story you wrote based on your walk in the park and all the things that you saw there. From the flowers to the trees, there’s so much that awaits thee.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - If you would like to edit this, then you may, but as of right now, I have no recommendations to make.
Chocolate Bar - I love that this is a whole short story/poem about how a walk in the park may inspire you to write this. The leaves and the flowers were my favorite verses, because even as they get all brown and dry, there still holds a certain beauty to them. The fact that it’s winter but looks like fall hints that there may be optimism hidden in the gray cold. That was the vibes that I got from it, anyway.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a nice little story about a simple walk in the park, how there will always be a certain light in the air. I could relate to getting inspirational about what’s there in nature, I also like collecting things out there, such as dead petals. [Idk if that sounds weird but I personally find them beautiful.] Lovely little short story and so, I wish you…
A magical day/night! ^v^