She was the sun.
He was the moon.
She was a flaming ball of bitterness and spite,
Like an ancient god angered by a foolish mortal.
She blinded all in her path, with no care for the burns she left.
She was devastating.
He was silent and intuitive,
Like an Ivy-League scholar studying away in the night.
He was a glowing orb of hope in the darkness.
He was optimistic.
She was oh-so lonely…
…until the moon entered her orbit.
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Uhhh… i dont really know what to say about this. It was just a random idea I had, lol.
Also, although I labeled it as romantic, I think it could work platonically too
Hey, Gengar! This is Alex, here for a review.
I so loved the short and simple idea. It sticks to the classics, but doesn't bored the reader one bit. At the same time, it establishes its own stand, making it shine in its own unique way. The title is rather fitting, encompassing the characters the poem revolves around. It's catchy and acts as a great hook to pull readers in.
The poem, in entirety feels like the popular 'troublesome girl x quiet guy' trope. Yet it has layers and outstanding imagery to go with it. The personification was amazingly written and I could find myself agreeing with the humanised personas of these celestial objects, which you painted.
I specifically liked the examples you compared their personalities to-
Such understandable similes which help the readers view them as humans so effortlessly. Particularly, I'm a fan of how you modernized the moon's image, adding your own touch to this age old tale of extraterrestrial romance.
This was undoubtedly my favourite part. This isn't Sun's character redemption arc but character justification. We're told why she is, the way she is. The final lines shed light on the consequences of loneliness on one's behaviour, diving into more serious and pressing topics. At the same time, the solution out of it is also revealed - some company. When you've got someone by your side, half of the problems and grumpiness wither away. For the Sun, that someone is the moon. In the numerous variants of this love story, we've heard that the Sun and the Moon are eternal lovers. But your piece justifies that they're actually good for each other. Just because you're opposites doesn't mean you'd attract. But in case, they do. The moon's company brings down the Sun's rage and the Sun's light makes the moon glow. They're a worthy match not just because they look good alongside each other, but because they compliment each other and help the other step over their shortcomings. Such beautiful execution.
Overall, reading this was so worth my time! It's dipped in sweet simplicity. The romance is classic alongwith a few unique takes. The celestial beings are humanised making us view their love from a relatable lens. They're got contrasting traits yet go well together. They help each other in their own way, proving their love to be spiritually true. Love doesn't compromise their individualism, but helps them grow and improve themselves. Splendid work, hope to read and review more from you soon.
this poem gave me the impression of a popular girl meeting a nerdy guy that doesn't rely care about her.
then she changes to try and get his attentions but again he see strait thought it as it was just a act.
she then lasses out and and loose a lot in her tantrum. he helps her at her lowest
they then started hinging out and something Beautiful formed when her real side showed
This reminds me of “The sun proposed to the moon” trend on YouTube. I like it! Most people use the sun as a symbol of joy, but it’s the very thing that burns our skin and dries up plants. I like the reversed roles of the sun and the moon. It seems fitting for the both of them.
I hope that you will have a beautiful and amazing day and night. Goodbye for now.
I absolutely love this poem. I love the way it was set up, with the stanzas on each side. I loved the romance of it. I love the simplicity of it. I love that you described the sun as angry, when usually people associate sunshine with happiness. I also like the whole opposites attract aspect. The Yin and the Yang. Fantastic poem. GREAT JOB!
Helloooo! This is Ina a.k.a loveissourgrapes, and I am here to review your poem. I was supposed to review this when I saw it, but I was busy that time, so here I am now, hihi. Anyways, let's gooo!
First impressions, I thought it was something related to Greek mythology or something but it reminds me of a couple who have complete opposite personalities. Like the girl has a sweet and sunshine-y personality and the guy was as cold as the moon. The girl was lonely 'til she meet this boy. Not going to lie, that's pretty sweet too. I love how the way each stanza and line are written from the opposite direction.
Pretty good through for a romantic poem. I wished to write like something like this some day. It is good, keep up writing! Have a good day/night everyone!
Thanks 4 the review!
you're welcome!
AS A TAROT PERSON I SOMEWHAT LIKE THIS???
The only interesting part is how the Sun, which represents optimism (or sometimes being overly optimistic, if reversed iirc) is the Moon, while the Sun represents blindness and illusion, which is the Moon (and sometimes unsatisfaction if reversed IIRC). I like the irony added in this as someone who has some knowledge of tarot! I found this interesting
~ Kelisot
Hey! Thanks 4 the review! I actually wrote the poem before I had the idea to make the cover from tarot cards, but I'm pleasantly surprised that I made the connection by accident! I'm actually fairy new to tarot, lol
Oh my goodness, I absolutely love this! The imagery you used was captivating, and I loved the way that you formatted the poem so that has the feel of a back and forth, a conversation. "Like an Ivy-League scholar studying away in the night" may have been my favorite line, I really enjoyed the way that it captures the gentle feeling of the moon, along with the vague sense of loneliness and eternal striving which the moon can hold. I also love the way that the similes you used for the sun and the moon tie each to such a different point in time and history, with an ancient god set beside such a scholar. Beautiful use of imagery and emotion throughout!
Thanks for the review!