Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Content Warnings: gore, violence, doomed relationship, heavy angst with no comfort, mentions of contamination.
Author’s Note: A story of lovers trapped in a time loop where one dies a horrible death. A set of two works: poetry and prose. More info in the pinned comment
~~~
1.) “there’s a sting in the way you kiss me”
.
a breeze brushes her half-snapped synapses,
making tongue-twisters from her exposed nerves.
rusted staples dig down to the bone,
seeping tetanus and lead into her blood.
tears of ichor stream down her cheeks,
framing her pretty face in anguish.
.
every moment is agony; every breath is torture,
yet she continues to stand, to sway, to convulse,
and dance-macabre with cruelty itself.
~~~
2.) “the definition of insanity”
.
she breathes. it stings. it's ragged and agonal, an ugly sound. this air is stale and dead, as she should be, but she's not. she's not allowed to be. not here, not yet. she has stopped counting the days since this hell broke loose.
she stumbles. chains creak. cold metal digs further into her flesh. those chains should be warm, with how long she's been bearing them, but they're not. she has all the time in the world to wonder why. why her, why now, why us.
she waits. for me. and like a dog I'm always there at her bloody heels. we've lived this day a thousand times over, and like a madman I expect things to change. I swear, someday I will walk through these hospital doors and find only emptiness where she once stood. but not yet, not now. not in this lifetime, my love.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Pinned comment yippee
Spoiler
Would you guys believe me if I told you this was about a Spirit Halloween Animatronic? 😭 Convulsing Nurse, she’s my favorite animatronic EVER and I love her so much that I made an oc x canon ship with her. Which is what this work is about. (Btw, Convulsing Nurse doesn’t have a canon name, so I’ve nicknamed her “Constance” or “Connie,” which I will call her throughout this comment. My oc is named Grimm)
Basically the story goes,, Grimm & Connie were in a queerplatonic relationship (not romantic, not platonic, but a secret third thing; i previously described them as “lovers” for simplicity). And they loved each other sooooo much—but one day Connie tragically died. And Grimm is so distraught over her death, they just can’t cope, so their grief literally bends all of space and time and creates a time loop. Grimm is always reliving their last day with Connie and is trying to find a way to save her. But truly, if they want to save her, they have to accept her death.
Here’s some things that I referenced in the fic, some of which is stuff that outsiders to Connie probably don’t know:
—References to chains: Connie is physically chained up, hooks piercing her skin. But she’s also chained to Grimm’s memory and time loop.
—The first poem is full of references to her appearance—amputated arms, a mask that is kinda stitched/stapled to her face, and black inky tears.
—“To sway, to convulse”: thats what her animatronic does irl.
—“dance-macabre” and the title of the first work: references to the song “Dance Macabre” by Ghost
—“ragged and agonal”: agonal breathing is a form of involuntary breathing seen when somebody is dying
And here’s Some fun facts about this ship:
—The ship name is BadMedicine, named after a Bon Jovi song; it’s named so because Connie is a nurse and uh both of them go through Bad things
—Connie has very severe injuries & mutilation,, but I don’t think these are the result of her death. Instead I think it reflects Grimm’s grief and how severely they view the situation.
—It’s ambiguous whether time is literally looping or just metaphorically.
—During the final time loop, when Grimm finally accepts their grief, they wrap Connie in a blanket and tell her to go to sleep, making sure she’s not alone in her final moments.
—Ignore the fact that my oc has the same name as me. Uh that’s not important at all, nope. /j
Aaaaaand that’s the story of why Convulsing Nurse is awesome and cool and wonderful. Fictional Woman that I like <333333
the lore for this ship is so cool :O
Tysm!!
Ohh I am intrigued by the premise!
Hmm I don’t really understand the thing with tongue-twisters and nerves but I do like the caption of the poem! “there’s a sting in the way you kiss me”
And the gruesome descriptions are on point too! Very visceral. I especially like this “framing her pretty face in anguish”
I find this kinda breaks the flow of your narrative: “those chains should be warm, with how long she's been bearing them, but they're not.” You have a really nice sentence melody going and everything fits neatly together until this. I don’t know what to do abt it tho ☹
The final paragraph is really beautiful! Wording-wise but also in the emotions it evokes!!
I kinda wanna read their full story now! :3
Join the fight! Write more reviews!
Hello there, Gengar! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the scary S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This is a morbid and morose love story between Grimm and Connie. Connie is trapped and Grimm wants to save her, but alas, they can never seem to find a cure. Will this Hell ever end?
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, you may. Maybe write about Grimm more? Or in Connie’s POV? Idk.
Chocolate Bar - I love the last part of the prose, it really feels like the kind of love that can kill. I think my favorite line is the ending line, when Grimm says “not in this lifetime, my love”. Because while they do love her, they’re also the ones (unintentionally) keeping her prisoner by not letting her go. I also like that you kind of referenced “danse-macabre” in the poem, it’s one of my favorite songs and fits their story so well.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a very gory and horrific romantic poem/story, just the kind I like to read! I enjoyed reading this and if you ever want to make more about Connie and Grimm, then I will be sure to read more! Now…
I wish you a marvelous day/night! ^v^
Yayayay ty for liking this poem!!!
i have one more that I jever posted here if you%u2019d like to hear
Yess I would!!!