Wallflower

Woah. A sweet little poem until BAM! I audibly gasped a that! Your meter rhyme scheme were very strong. I was impressed that none of your rhymes sounded forced or stretched, except for maybe "lot" and "chocolate". I liked how the poem started off okay and then the tension starts to build and ends with a very strong line.

The only correction I might make is to stick with one tense. You started off in present, but then switched to past after a few lines. Because the other person (not the speaker) wasn't still alive by the end of the poem, they couldn't be around in the present for the first few lines. Sorry if that didn't make much sense. I couldn't figure out how to word that.

You have a gift for poetry! I hope you write some more soon because I enjoy reading and reviewing it! *Likes*

Hi there! Don't worry, I am not about to beat you up . For your first poem (ever?) this is very good. You had way above average vocabulary and an overall good theme. But there are some suggestions I do have...

I would change a few of the rhymes(just a few) to make them less cliche (with an accent but I have no idea how to add one). Many of the words you used to rhyme with that of another line were very overly-used in other poems I have read. It would be a good idea to change some of your rhymes especially because your lines and rhymes at the end are truly on point.

But great job overall! And to be completely honest, I had NO IDEA THE POEM WAS GOING TO END LIKE THAT so great job with the surprise ending haha. Keep writing!

Hey Firepower13,
I have to say that for your first poem this is pretty good. And don't worry people on here really don't tend to be mean when you write something. In conclusion I just wanted to say that even though it may be slightly difficult to follow in the beginning it is over all a great poem. And I think that you really have a great talent for writing. Keep writing you know what they say practice makes perfect!

Okay, this was awesome! Especially for your first poem. I loved the rhyme and I thought that everything went so smoothly. Just one suggestion;



You put 'I was by the tree'. I think that you should add a 'there'. Like this; I was there by the tree. I just think that would sound better.



And I loved your ending! To me it felt SO perfect and didn't leave me hanging at all. This was amazing!

Keep writing!

~BookWolf

Firepower13

Wow! Here we go.

I actually really like this. The rhyming and wording flows really well throughout mall of it.

I do though have one part that kinda stuck out though. And it was a bit disturbing, in a good way ( I think). When it says:

"Her face was by your knees"

Is she doing what I think she's doing . . . not sure how to feel 'bout that lol. I also like you're topic, it is used yes, but that's because it's such a good topic.

And last but not least, that ending. They say always go out with a bang and you absolutely succeeded.

Great job! Keep up the good work!!