Paper Crane

Hi Firepower you reviewed my piece, so here I am!
TS reviewing.

I liked the idea behind this, a person whose obviously very important to you or in general, trapped from moving forward by their own constrictions? Something along those lines? I got a basic idea from your replies to the reviews below me. To be honest though, I'm not a fan of short poetry unless it really impacts me. One four-line stanza? It was nice poetry, sure, but it didn't hold any power. You need to either implement your vocab or use more powerful phrases. Right now it seems like there should be more; this is not a good thing in a short piece because a short piece should say all it needs to. That's the beauty of it, not the flow or the way it drags you in, but the fact that it can hold such strong emotion and meaning in only four lines. Yours failed to do this for me. You had the basic structure - an idea. You need to fill that idea with anything you can; pump your essence into those four short lines and make it as much of a masterpiece as you can.

I know this was a short review but hey, it was a short piece. Hope I helped you somewhat!
Keep writing!

Yours in ink,
TheShauzer.

Hey!

I am a huge fan of short poems! I like this one very much! I mostly write 2-liners along with others, so I find this one really interesting. Can't say I've understood it completely
or as much as I would like, so I'm going to need you to explain a few things to me.
Firstly I strongly believe you would increase your overall flow by putting commas at the ends and finishing the thought by putting a dot at the end of the last line.
So, the way I see it, you perceive something as a "paper crane". It wants to fly, and yet it can't. It wants to live, and yet it can't. The paper crane is a well placed metaphor. The second line paints an image of the crane's importance. You're enchanted by it. It's beautiful in your mind.

"For all your frigid tethers
Hold you from your flight"

I am dying to know! What is, or better yet, who is the paper crane?

Proper good job!
-Kajka

Short, yet sweet and powerful, I enjoyed this poem. They keep on improving, as to be expected from you, and I'm glad that I get to watch as your works change and grow! There's a lot of symbolism and meaning packed into these few short lines, and I really like it. I had to come back and read it a few times before I could get around to reviewing, though, just to make sure that I wasn't missing anything when I went back over it.

I think that there should be some kind of punctuation in here. Perhaps the whole poem is just one line, so the beginning first letter would be capitalized, and the endings of the lines would have commas after them, the last line ending in a period of course? This is just my take on it though, so you're under no obligation to change anything if you like the poem as it is. In fact, I think that it's great as it is, I just think that a bit of punctuation would help it flow better.

Since there isn't much there, and there isn't much to review, I'll go ahead and wrap this up. I give this a 9.5/10. I really did enjoy it, even if my review seemed a little sketchy. Keep on writing!