16+

A young spy and a young cop-Chapter 4

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Last paragraph of Chapter 3:

"She's hiding something, that much is obvious." Lily said. "She's too good to be some random girl who wants to avoid the police. She's working for someone, and she's had training. She's gone underground now." She looked at Prete. "I want to get whatever files Russia and New Mexico have on her. Something is going on, and I'll be damned if I can't figure out what."

A blond stepped out into the street. Chin length hair, blue jeans that had holes in the legs, black tank top with a denim jacket and simple black sunglasses. Ignoring the wolf whistles from some of the men in front of a bar, she crossed the busy street and disappeared into the crowd.This girl was just another New York city person going about her daily life.

Natalia adjusted the pistol under her shirt into a more comfortable position and kept walking. Several people passed her on the busy sidewalk, just another person. Not for the first time was she thankful that she was able to hide in plain site. Amazing what a haircut, hair dye and a change of clothes could do. It was also amazing how much sunglasses could hide about someone's face! However, Natalia now had to face her biggest problem. She needed to get to headquarters, but she had no way to. She really didn't want to use public transportation, and she didn't have that much money left. Perhaps she could hitchhike.

“Well, if you aren’t the prettiest thing in this town, then I'm an angel.” The voice broke into Natalia's thoughts and she stopped. She knew that voice, and she hated it.

“I could be the ugliest thing on the planet and you still wouldn't be an angel.” She replied through gritted teeth as she turned around. The speaker was a man in his early twenties, tall, but well muscled. His shaggy blond hair was messy, on purpose, and his hard brown eyes watched everything. He crossed his arms and flashed a grin at her.

“I’m crushed.” He said playfully, but his voice had a tint of anger in it.

“What the hell are you doing here?” She asked him, her voice cold.

Nicholas may have sent him. He knows how much I hate him, but on the other hand, if anyone was spying on me, they wouldn't see this coming. They would just see a young man trying to pick up a girl. However, who else would know that I needed help? Nicholas always seems to know...that's his job though. After all, he's always saying: "Eyes everywhere I can get them, ears everywhere else."

She hated to admit it, but out in the field, Tiron was cunning, ruthless and downright dangerous. However, he and Natalia had gotten off on the wrong foot instantly.For one thing, when he wasn't working, Tiron spent his time picking up girls, going to parties and being a general idiot. On Tiron's part, he resented how good of an agent Natalia was. She was damn smart, cold, cunning and totally independent. Until she came along, Tiron and David had been the best agents the company had. David and Natalia were friends, but Tiron couldn't get over the fact that Natalia beat him by a longshot, and she was best friends with their boss. He knew it was childish, but that only fueled his resentment. He taunted her and teased her and flirted with her, hoping to find some sort of crack, something that would ruffle her. She always remained cold and angry though. 

"Are you going to answer me?" Natalia's voice brought him back to reality. He stood up and handed her a pair of keys.

"There is a motorcycle parked down the block a little ways. Red and black, brand new. Only motorcycle there." He told her in a low voice. She took the keys and he turned and walked off.

That's Nick, coming to my rescue. She thought, a little ruefully. Yes, her and Nick were best friends, but she could take care of herself. That's what made her such a good agent. She walked down the block and found the motorcycle. Full tank of gas and ready to go. 

"Headquarters, here I come." She muttered.

Three gas stations and 70 miles later, Natalia came to a stop in front of an old country mansion.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Fantascifi66
Comment

Oooo can't wait to see how head quarters looks like inside! This Turin guy sounds pretty annoying actually, and if I was Natalia I would probably just hit him in the jaw, even if it would cause attention. Love the series, and another thumbs up from me!

You have no idea how happy that makes me!

User avatar
bigsisfarmer
Review

Hey! This story is great and I can't wait to read the rest! This is just my opinion and you are welcome to do whatever you want with it. Mine may differ from other people's, so it's up to your discretion. Also, I may sound harsh, but I have the best intentions, and hope to help.

"“140 bleak street.” Natalia read aloud from the paper in her hand. Charlie nodded." Whose Charlie? If this is a new character, introduce them. If it is a character I had forgotten about, the still reintroduce them.

“The party will be on the 14th. That is in four days, giving us time to establish your cover story.”

Is Charlie talking here? Make sure you establish that to clear confusion. Also maybe add him pointing at the page, which can give you the perfect opportunity to describe his hands. This may sound weird, but the hands (and shoes) of an individual can give the reader (and the character) insight on a person's personality. Are the hand rough from working? Do they have cut and/or scars? Are the soft and delicate? Does the individual take good care of them? Are they large or small? Are the fingers wide or narrow? This information can aid the reader in picturing your characters.

"He paused, giving her a look."

What kind of look did he give her? Also perfect opportunity to add description of eyes.

"For some reason, Charlie had issues with Natalia and her work."

Why for some reason? Charlie has already established that he doesn't approve. I suggested omitting this sentence since it only stated the obvious.

"“If I wasn’t, then the boss wouldn’t have given me the job.”"

Possibly add a description of her voice and what she might be doing. Holding her hands on her hips possibly? Grimacing at his tone? Rolling her eyes at his ignorance?

"“Watch it Natalia. Now, you are to find a man by the name of Robin Carlo. If all goes well, you will get hired as his secretary. You need to find out what kind of work he does, who he works for, and who is top associate is.”"

Why is she going on this mission, and need to figure out this info? Who is Robin Carlo?

"He and Natalia had known each other for quite a while and had complete trust in one another."

Why did she take a deep breath before entering if she had complete trust in him? I appeared as though she was nervous. If she was, explain why. If she wasn't, then explain why she took a deep breath or omit it.

"Nicholas shook his head. “You’ll be working with David on this one.”"

Who is David? Whenever you introduce a new character, no matter how big or small, you must highlight his importance. If you do not, your reader will have difficulty remembering who this person is.

"Nicholas looked at her. “You two work really well together, at least you used to. Is there something that I am not aware of?”"

Why did he say this? Was she acting different or was David? You might what to establish that.

"“Good. Now, here is your identity card, papers, etc.”" People don't normally say etc. out loud.

"“Chris will give me the cover story once you guys get that figured?”"

Get what figured?

"“Hello Natalia.”"

Perfect opportunity to give a description of David. Also pointing out if David had changed his appearance at all.

Ok that's all. Thanks!

Hi!
I just LOVE this story!!!!!!!!

It’s good that you have taken some more charakters in the story!:)
This chapter ended when it was very exiting, and that’s What that makes me Even more exited for the next one;)

I don’t know if it’s any more to say from me, but ceep up the SUPER good writing!


<3 <3 <3

Your friend
WSis:)



If you don't know it's impossible it's easier to do. And because nobody's done it before, they haven't made up rules to stop anyone doing that again, yet.
— Neil Gaiman