z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

dear twelve, i love you -sixteen

by FireEyes


she was twelve and colorblind.

her world was stained grey, but she continued

to look for the illusive colors.

the walls around her dripped of 

off-white tears

as she looked at her self-portrait,

and saw every little mistake.

a painting came into her life that was bold;

more colors than she ever dreamed she could see.

she idealized hues, but didn't realize there are better ones

than a sickly green glow.

she wasn't stupid, she was in pain.

she ignored the putrid swirls of colors 

because she thought they were supposed to be beautiful.

~

she was thirteen and picked at her scabs

because being angry wasn't enough. 

her face grew red hot every time she heard his name

because the stabbing words of her abuser gouged her in her side.

she only wanted to imagine his remains scattered across tiles.

revenge settled deep into her bitter and callused heart

while her eyes grew bloodlustful.

she had tried to heal a wound, but she was never met with someone

who didn't deserve to be operated on. 

she kept her arm out for him to cling to, 

and he shattered it.

so she screams at twelve for making such a mistake

that made her wallow in anguish and ruins.

~

she was fourteen and lived among the stars.

she didn't come back to earth all too much.

when she did, she purposefully gave herself altitude sickness

just so she could escape back into the atmosphere to run from

what he did to her.

her comfort was in isolation.

she numbered the icy comets and would-be planets

while she waited to feel better all alone.

out there she rewound and fast-forwarded

a blur that she continued to interpret as days. 

her life was a permanent head-cold dream awash

in a starboy she deemed miles above the first.

and he was.

until.

~

she was fifteen and holding on too tight.

she kept the wilting flower of the boy she thought she loved so dearly,

but wasn't all she made him up to be.

she was fifteen and so over it, but still hoping it could all be salvaged.

she kept switching out the water,

cutting the stem shorter and shorter,

and putting it in the light to revive the decaying rose.

nature kept spewing to her the pity her abuser had on her dying flower

because her devotion to keep it alive was too dogmatic.

she couldn't tolerate the immaturity of the anther.

her heart had to come to terms with the fact that she is loveable

even if her project doesn't love her back.

she had be content with setting the rose out in the mulch

and letting it decompose.

she couldn't hold on forever.

~

now she's sixteen and wipes the tears off her past facets.

she's sixteen with a better grasp on herself

because she threw away the rose from her starboy.

she's sixteen and became familiar with pain

(because there's nothing like a little pain to make her feel alive.)

she used to hate twelve, but she grew up.

she grew to have unabashed empathy and pity for twelve.

if only twelve could see her now.

she's sixteen with a friend again,

but this time he's one and the same with her.

he's the sweetest she's known in her short lifetime.

he jokes, advises, listens.....

really listens.

and that's all she could have asked for when she was twelve.


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Fri Sep 29, 2023 1:45 pm
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Rose wrote a review...



Greetings Poet

Beyond my beloved horizon, I'm setting sail into uncharted pages with an itch for adventure. Through binoculars, I spy with my little eye an appealing poem titled “dear twelve i love you-sixteen” that deserves a good review. Therefore without further ado, let’s begin.

Image

I. It all Begins at the Beginning
I've stumbled upon another intriguing poem of yours, a poem which tells another intriguing story. Well, perhaps I should define it as a melancholy intriguing poem.

You begin the poem with telling a tale about a young girl, who is twelve years old and colourblind. And you use imagery and descriptive words to paint a clear picture of the world that the young girl is living in.

The poem leans on terms such as "illusive colours", "stained grey" and "sickly green glow", these terms create a heart-wrenching and moving atmosphere.

II. That Part
In every stanza you tell another part of the tale, the first where she is twelve, the second where she's thirteen, the third where she's fourteen and so on until the last, where she is sixteen.

In the last stanza, the young girl became a young lady, she reflects on her younger years, became "familiar with the pain" that she felt every time and she remembers "twelve", the girl she was, and she is "sixteen", the young lady she is now. "Sixteen" looks back and realises, that all she has now is everything she could have asked for when she was "twelve".

That part, the last stanza, that part about "sixteen", is the part that really touched me. The emotional depth in your poem is way bigger than I thought, it went deeper than even "twelve" would have thought.

III. When All Is Said And Done
Everything in all and all in everything, you have written a rather beautiful poem with a meaning so deep and yet so touching. Perhaps you could try to make it rhyme, it will definitely add to the emotional depth of your poem.

That's it, that's all
Hoping the review has been of value to you

With writer's love,
Rose




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Fri Sep 29, 2023 11:19 am
AkuRashomon wrote a review...



Hello again. this is loveissourgrapes and I know it has been a long time. but here's a review for your poem.

I love how each stanza is like a story of a girl with her mistakes and pains that she has been through. But with those mistakes and pains, she got to grow up to be a woman to learn and learn from those things she has been through. then, at the last stanza, she looks like and is like "oh, well, I like somebody and that's something my twelve year old self always wanted".

i can see that the author is also growing with his/her/their writing skills. and that is good. @FireEyes, you did a good job and also continue growing, not just to please yourself or your younger self but to believe that things will always be better in the near future.

I love the metaphors you have inserted in this poem. Because they add feeling and emotion. I love how it is just right for the meaning and the context of it. this could educate other girls too. Things may be worse in this coming of age, you think of these things of killing yourself, being all negative about your life but you should know things will get better in the future. You just have to find the right people, timing and all.

Over all, I don't see any errors in here. Great job! I enjoyed reading this piece.




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Fri Sep 29, 2023 12:08 am
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chunkybean77 wrote a review...



This is so well done. Honestly, I'm not sure what to criticize, because it feels so raw and speaks so directly to heartbreak and coming-of-age, something all readers can relate to.
I especially like the progression--the structure is satisfying and cohesive.
My two favorite parts:
"she ignored the putrid swirls of colors

because she thought they were supposed to be beautiful."
I don't know why, but this spoke to me. I guess there's not much else I can say on it, but well done.
Also:
"if only twelve could see her now.

she's sixteen with a crush again,

but this time he's a friend.

he's the sweetest she's known in her short lifetime.

he hugs, consoles, listens.....

really listens.

and that's all she could have asked for when she was twelve."
This is so beautiful and emotional. I feel like this is the kind of poem that really acknowledges darkness but doesn't end with it. The vision you have took me through literally the whole rainbow of emotions, and that takes a lot of talent.
Thank you for sharing this.




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Thu Sep 28, 2023 2:32 am
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EllieMae says...



This is really beautiful <3




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Thu Sep 28, 2023 2:03 am
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Abditory wrote a review...



Good Evening FireEyes! Abditory here with a short review.

First off, I just wanted to tell you how much I loved your poem, and how well-written it is overall! Let's get into it.

Your poem is so powerful, it follows the journey of a young girl as she navigates pain, trauma, and healing, and it explores themes of self-discovery, and overcoming adversity.

I really love all the vivid metaphors and strong emotions. It honestly let's you connect with your readers on a deeper level. The of abuse and heartbreak showcases the character's strength and mental growth from 12 - 16.

In the end it highlights the importance of empathy and the healing power of connection! Overall, your poem is an evoking exploration of the human and the strength that can emerge from any difficult circumstances. Well done!

(So sorry for this being so short TwT)

I enjoyed reading this, and can relate to some of the challenges faces.

That's all for now, "Abditory."




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Wed Sep 27, 2023 11:43 am
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AmayaStatham wrote a review...



Salutations, curious mind!



Rinisha here, ready to dive into the pages of this intriguing story. 📚!

Buckle up, 'cause we're diving into my review magic! ✨

The Good Stuff:

First of all, let's talk about the parts that really rocked!

I think this was a very heartfelt poem, I like how you played with your words like colour blind, dying flower and stabbing words. You really painted a vivid picture with this poem and the message in there is a sweet moral.

You did a great job, I love the fact that this is a kind of timeline. From the age of twelve to sweet sixteen. There is so much raw emotion in the poem, it brings colour and light to a dark world.

Areas to Improve:✒️

Maybe capitalise the first letter of a word when you start a new sentence, that way the poem has more consistency.

she was twelve and colorblind.

her world was stained grey, but she continued

to look for the illusive colors.


Nailed It!💐

This is my favourite line of the whole poem, it demonstrates that she is becoming confident and independent.

she's sixteen with a better grasp on herself

because she threw away the rose from her starboy.


Overall Feelings:

This is a great poem you have written here with a beautiful message. The different verses show different aspects of the girl's life. She has been through a lot, I love the hay ending you gave her. Great writing style, amazing choice of words!

Be sure to check out…📔🔖

Broken mirror image by Me

While reading your poem I thought you would like this story. This is a short story I wrote some time ago also about a girl who didn't feel like she belonged. Don't forget to leave me a review!

She was called Zara and she always felt different from the rest. Her name was exotic and people around her could never pronounce her name properly. It was as if she never quite fit in with her surroundings, as if there was something wrong with her. She felt she was not good enough and that she could never live up to the expectations others had of her. Her classmates laughed at her and called her "idiotic" and "weird".


Have a nice day or night further! Keep writing! You are amazing!

Amazingly yours,
Rinisha
– Be yourself and keep writing! 📖🎉

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Wed Sep 27, 2023 4:50 am
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farq4d wrote a review...



hey, I'm just here to write a quick review.

Firstly, I love how we are moving in time with each stanza being a new age for the girl, who ultimately, seems to forgive her younger self for past mistakes. I think we are first introduced to this person who hurts the girl in the first stanza, where they are represented as a painting. I like how you equate the naivety of someone young and inexperienced with love and relationships to paintings and colorblindness.

Here in the first stanza you wrote:

"a painting came into her life that was bold; more colors she ever dreamed she could see. she idealized hues, but didn't realize there are better ones than a sickly green glow."

You described this in such a cool way, I would've loved to see this metaphor used throughout the rest of the poem. For example, maybe showing throughout the different stanzas that the main character is slowly able to see more colors. I think that would've helped make it more clear as to why 13 was upset with 12. Or even if in the last stanza, you compared the new love interest with a new color I think that would have tied the first stanza and the last stanza together very nicely.

But overall I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem!





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