Young Writers Society

"The poem evokes a strong sense of heartbreak and betrayal, as the speaker grapples with their feelings for someone who has hurt them deeply. The language is raw and visceral, conveying a sense of desperation and pain that is hard to ignore. The speaker's vulnerability is palpable, making the reader feel the weight of their emotions.

What I like most about the poem is its honesty. The speaker doesn't hold back or sugarcoat their feelings, but instead lays them bare for the world to see. This rawness is what gives the poem its power, as it allows the reader to connect with the speaker on a deep level.

To enhance the poem, I would suggest tightening up some of the phrasing to make it more concise. For example, instead of "my tears were not beautiful for you, they ran like blood," the line could be shortened to "my tears ran like blood." This would help to maintain the poem's intensity while also streamlining the language. Additionally, a few more moments of introspection or reflection could help to break up the intensity of the emotions and provide some moments of respite for the reader."

This poem is so beautiful, and it does a very good job of beautifully depicting a very ugly part of life.

i've poured endless thoughts

and riveting emotions

into imagined scenarios with you.

you were tender and loving then.

now who do i use?

This stanza in particular really stands out to me, because it mentions imagining. For the most part, I feel like that's something that we all do, and more often than not, our imaginings just cause reality to be that much more disappointing.

Thank you so much for writing this beautiful poem, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

*gurmgles* helelo FireEyes ma'am i am is here for a review woa amayzing i kno. anyways, i apologize for the sheer dodo-ness of this review as i no brain big worbs like you do, so here we go!

As always in your poetry-- and as lady quill mentioned below-- this poem is full of a LOT of raw emotion, and i feel like i'm cheating seeing as i understand the scenario more than most here :eyes: but, ah, here we are. since this is free verse and i'm far from being a pro i don't have much constructive criticism to offer so i'm just gonna put some stuff that made my brain gurgle and go "OoOOoO"

1.

so for now i mourn

the person i thought you were

and could become.

than mixing these colors

that will eventually turn to muck.

hate me too,

you'd better pray for mercy

when i decide what to do with them.

my tears were not beautiful for you.

they ran like blood.

you were tender and loving then.

now who do i use?

you were never someone to care

about anything anyway.
........
but i want you to break my brain.

Hello! It's quill here to write a review! Sorry if I'm a bit rusty, I haven't reviewed in awhile but this piece really caught my eye.

It's amazing the raw emotion you can feel in every line of this poem. Anger, sadness, maybe even remorse. Every word makes you feel. it captures the attention of the reader and holds it with each word.

I especially love the part where the speaker says it would have been better to hear it from the subjects mouth then to have to realize the truth that lies there. Or to be told by someone else. Because it really shows the aspects of truth, and how even the best or worst of things deserve the proper unsaturated truth, pure are raw.

And then the end, it's so powerful. Emotions can't be stopped, even when it hurts us to our core. It's hard to see how hard it was when we look back, it's hard to forget when feelings were there. It takes true strength to move on. That's what this poem shows the most, the strength it takes to realize, move on, even when you can never truly forget. Every line exudes the strangth the speaker has, and you feel such power. Thank you for this poem<3

Hope this review helps in some way