Young Writers Society

"This poem delivers a powerful message about the importance of being true to oneself, and the negative impact that pretending and wearing a false persona can have on relationships and personal well-being. The imagery used throughout the poem is vivid and emotive, painting a clear picture of the speaker's feelings and observations. The contrast between the beauty of authenticity and the ugliness of deceit is particularly effective.

What I like most about the poem is the way it highlights the complexity of human relationships, and how we can both love and dislike someone at the same time. The speaker's frustration and disappointment with the subject of the poem is palpable, yet they also see glimpses of goodness and beauty in them.

One small change that could enhance the poem would be to vary the structure and rhythm a bit more. While the poem has a free-verse style, some of the stanzas follow a similar pattern of starting with an observation or critique, then moving towards a more positive assessment. Adding more variation in the structure and rhythm could help keep the reader engaged and add even more impact to the poem's message."

hey there!

I really loved this poem, It had a really nice conversational tone which made it easy to ready and flow really well. It was written in free verse with no formal rhyme or meter. The language is simple and direct, with a lot moments of poetic imagery, such as "your blackened pores" and "your smile like the sun." The poem does a good job of capturing the conflicting emotions that arise in relationships, both positive and negative.

I really liked the first line, a lot. 'i like it when you're genuine, you're beautiful like that.' It's just something I really believe as well.

Sorry for such a short review

Great story. I really liked the message of this and it encouraged me.

If you want some advice about your writing and style then this is what I have to say:

Reading this didn't seem like poetry (at least not the rhyming kind I'm used to) although the breaks were definitely the right idea and made the sections stand out. The message and the way you separated your ideas were good, and I didn't notice any grammar or spelling mistakes which was great!

As for how I felt about the piece,

From the way you talked you sound Christian (and the fact you mentioned brothers in Christ). I am Christian too and it helped me relate to the pain felt in this story. The pain of watching someone you love trying to please the world and hurting both themselves and others by doing so. Perhaps watching them get rejected as well.
Yet you also talked about the good which is often left out of stories like this and I was both grateful for it and enjoyed the story a lot more because of it. It added a nice contrast and the fact you repeated the "You're beautiful when you're genuine" line throughout the story made it sound very poetic and reminded me (the reader) of the positive message/point of the story.

I really liked this piece and hope you continue to encourage others with your writing.