Young Writers Society

This is far more than a poem. Generally, no rhythm and no rhyme bother me. But, here, it flows so nicely without them. There is no need for capitalization; the mind doesn't speak in sentences.

This very accurately describes grief upon losing someone you really care about. The internal rhyme "pain" and "name" is so perfect! I know the exact feeling. The repetition of the one month turning into two etc. really hits the point home. The years pass, but the pain doesn't.

The last lines were chillers. "little brother, where are you? come back please" How meaningful these words are!

Overall, the words in these poem really make an impact. I can feel your emptiness inside as I read, and I know what you are feeling. And I sympathize, though I do not even know this person you speak of.

Fantastic job. Keep writing!

-Kaia

hi @FireEyes

This is so much in such a short time. You did a great job here, I must say. I love you title also: It's says a lot already before I even read the story.

I do wonder, you wrote (my loss) is this based on real-life stories?

I love the way the layers overlap so beautifully, it's like a zipper. One by one, they overlap each other, like the waves of the sea, like the sun and the rain and like two brothers. <3

"as you surpassed me in height, i looked up at you
with pride, even if it made me mad.
(i'll forever be a month older.)"

This part is my absolute favorite, because I can relate to it. It's fantastic how you managed to make that fir right in there.

"each time i make a new friend, i'll never forget
who it was that gave me the ability to do so
in the first place.
you were more than a best friend,
you were a built in brother.

little brother, where are you?

come back

please"

This last piece, is the perfect ending. It's just so right. The question "little brother, where are you?" gives me chills and makes me want to cry. I am very happy you wrote this.

You have a very amazing writing style and your poem is easy-readable and keeps readers such as me engaged. I loved it! You seem to use the right words everywhere on the right time.

It's so diligently written with yet such a powerful kick. Even though this poem was sad, I liked it very much. There are no words in the world that can describe how deep your poem cuts into me.

You did an amazing job, FireEyes. Keep up the great work!

Amazingly yours,
Rinisha