Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Health

12+

Stop Glorifying Depression

by FireEyes


Some need intense therapy sessions

Stop glorifying depression

Their mental health dips into recession

Stop glorifying depression

Bad habits can become an obsession

Stop glorifying depression

And the relevance of life is a question

Stop glorifying depression

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
8 Reviews

Points: 80
Reviews: 8

Donate
Sun Jan 03, 2021 7:19 am



Good use of repetition in every other line, the repetition is also added upon by the way you change the meaning of the same sentence in each repeated line. The consistent rhyme scheme is also good. The message is very well done as far as the words themselves go, though I do have one suggestion. If this is simply a stylistic choice or if I missed something (sorry if I did, there could be more to this), but the pacing feels a bit fast for the subject matter (though the ending lines still help with this greatly), I suggest adding some end stopping (ending lines with punctuation). Such as ending sessions with a comma and ending depression in a period. Of course this is only if the lack of punctuation wasn't intended, if it was, please don't feel any pressure to change it. With all that said this is a very good poem that talks about some very important subject matter.




User avatar
8 Reviews

Points: 80
Reviews: 8

Donate
Sun Jan 03, 2021 7:19 am
Blake's stories and poems wrote a review...



Good use of repetition in every other line, the repetition is also added upon by the way you change the meaning of the same sentence in each repeated line. The consistent rhyme scheme is also good. The message is very well done as far as the words themselves go, though I do have one suggestion. If this is simply a stylistic choice or if I missed something (sorry if I did, there could be more to this), but the pacing feels a bit fast for the subject matter (though the ending lines still help with this greatly), I suggest adding some end stopping (ending lines with punctuation). Such as ending sessions with a comma and ending depression in a period. Of course this is only if the lack of punctuation wasn't intended, if it was, please don't feel any pressure to change it. With all that said this is a very good poem that talks about some very important subject matter.




User avatar
63 Reviews

Points: 685
Reviews: 63

Donate
Mon Dec 28, 2020 11:58 pm
View Likes
NastyMajesty wrote a review...



hey lauren.
i haven't left a review in awhile so here it is. depression... I never thought much of it till I actually had it. we always thought it was a joke and no one could ever take it seriously. this poem it really touched me on a whole new level. i loved it. it made me cry. dang I'm sorry I'm not good at big words... dude you're amazing. you're so talented. i appreciate you and if no one tells you that enough then they're messed up in the head lol. i hope you know that. anyways I'm not good at big words as you know so. yeah i guess that's it. i love you. bye now




User avatar
549 Reviews

Points: 30142
Reviews: 549

Donate
Sat Dec 26, 2020 2:09 am
View Likes
Tuckster wrote a review...



Hey FireEyes!

I like the rhythm and repetition of this story and how it worked to communicate your message. Your message was spot-on and hit on something that is important in our current culture. I appreciated not only the excellence of your rhyme scheme and line length, but the way they worked together to intensely state the same message: "Stop glorifying depression". This is a well-written poem and I'm excited to dive into some suggestions for improvement!

My first (and only!) nitpick is this line:

Their mental health makes a recession

Rather thank "makes a recession", which is a little clunky, I would change it to something like "dips into a recession" or another verb that means something similar. In my opinion, that would flow a bit better and even be a touch more descriptive.

Next, I want to suggest a slightly different structure/format to draw even more attention to your repetition. I think it'd look cool if you played around with alignment, so maybe something like this:
Some need intense therapy sessions

Stop glorifying depression


Their mental health makes a recession

Stop glorifying depression


Bad habits can become an obsession

Stop glorifying depression


And the relevance of life is a question

Stop glorifying depression


To take it a step further, you could add some distinction between the different lines, like so:
Some need intense therapy sessions

Stop glorifying depression


Their mental health makes a recession

Stop glorifying depression


Bad habits can become an obsession

Stop glorifying depression


And the relevance of life is a question

Stop glorifying depression


Of course, you don't need to follow this exactly. This is just an example of the different effects changes in formatting may have so you can think on it.

And finally, I think your poem may be bordering on unoriginal because it lacks specificity. While I really like the message and the presentation as a whole, I felt that it could be improved with more description and details. Showing some ways that depression affects people, for example, may make the poem more hard-hitting. This reminds me of a quote by Richard Price: "You don't write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid's burnt socks lying in the road.” Writing about the small ripple effects of big concepts is often, counterintuitively, more impactful than describing the large concepts. I hope that makes sense and inspires some ideas for some new directions you could take this poem, as you have a solid concept and a solid execution!

On the whole, this is an excellent poem that definitely deserves literary spotlight :) I hope that my singular niptick, formatting suggestion, and comment proposing a ripple-effect direction rather than a large-concept direction are helpful to you! If you have any questions about this review, just let me know and I'd be happy to clear it up. Merry Christmas, if you celebrate!

Best,
Tuck




User avatar
12 Reviews

Points: 4
Reviews: 12

Donate
Fri Dec 25, 2020 7:56 pm
View Likes
AbduBinSaj8 wrote a review...



Greetings, Abdu's here for a review. It's been a while since I logged in. And when I got to the homepage, this poem caught my attention. What have I stumbled upon? IT'S GOLD! I'm not exaggerating in any way.

The first thing I liked about your poem is its brevity. You've done a very good job here. This poem is so short yer it’s so powerful. The recurring line "Stop glorifying depression" was very catchy.

In only a few lines, you've captured almost the entire idea of depression and its glorification. Intense therapy, diminishing mental health, obsessive behavior, relevance of life - these are the four things that you've pointed out in your poem. These fit the title very accurately. I'm not a literature expert. So I can't give you much useful (negative, in other words) feedback. Just see of you can make the third line shorter. It looks like a sore thumb. Make it only as long as the other lines and you've got yourself a consistent and cool poem. It doesn’t matter much, though. The poem is top-tier nevertheless.

Good luck on your future writings.




FireEyes says...


Thank you Abdu. It's been a while since I have made poetry like this so I'm glad you liked it.



User avatar
25 Reviews

Points: 1611
Reviews: 25

Donate
Fri Dec 25, 2020 7:06 pm
View Likes
FireEyes says...



Not my best work so please, criticism is welcome.





Moo.
— Cow