I cry in my room
Alone; sobbing
My heart hurts
Pounding; throbbing
I’m there for others
They hurt; I support
I can help myself one day
Hoping; fall short
No one can always be happy
Media; stings
Sometimes I just can’t deal
Eyes blinded; ear rings
Sometimes I relapse
Guilt; shame
I could have stopped it
No one to blame
I’m getting stronger
Step by step
Sometimes I do wrong
No need to fret
I made progress
Get up; go on
I’ll still stumble
But I'll follow the sun
I can cry
Tears become power
I can be happy
Beautiful; flower
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,775 Reviews
Good morning, afternoon, evening, night, or whatever applies to you in your respective time zone. Anyway, onto the review. Well, I must say that was AMAZING! It really offers a glimpse into your mind, and your turbulent emotions. This poem tells a dark and sad story of one’s rise from pessimum. It was really very great!
I think this was my favorite line in the entire poem. It was just so well put, and beautifully structured. I don’t have any critiques for you, but I hope to see more of your work around soon! Stay safe and keep writing!
Hello, FireEyes! Happy Review Month! Valkyria here leaving a review for the checklist challenge!
So, let's get started:
First of all, I love the rhyming scheme. The words sound good when I read it aloud, and they don't feel clunky. Also, I love how the tone of the poem. It starts out sad, then it ends on a hopeful note.
The imagery is really strong, and they give the right emotions when the poem needs it to. You are a talented poet!
These are my favorite lines. And it's a really good message too. It's okay to make mistakes and go slow.
Overall, this is a wonderful poem! Great job!
Valkyria
Aweeeeeeeee, thank you for sharing your poem. it was beautiful.
first of all, you are an amazing writer. i think your ability to put your feeling into words is very powerful and strong. you have such a great talent and i can wait to read more of your work in the future. that was lovely!!!
so, anyways... now to actually write a review haha!
My favourite part was this:
"But I'll follow the sun
I can cry
Tears become power
I can be happy"
i love the development from the start of the poem. these lines really show how you have been able to change and overcome the challenges that you faced, with determination.
it also flows very well because of the layout and the words you use.
good job!!!!! thank you so much for sharing! i hope you have a wonderful day and i really want to read more of your poems!!!!!
Ailah
aww thank you so much. I appreciate whenever someone critiques my work.
my pleasure
Woah! An amazingly lucid and remarkable work!!
Hey there! Anne for a review!
First of all, I really loved the format of your poem and the Imagery it created in my mind. Now I'll get to the details.
Wow, this really hit hard. This was a most unexpected beginning based on the title of this poem. Personally, I thought it would be something like getting up from the dark but the beauty with which you expressed it was awe-inspiring.
In these lines, I think the word hitting should be replaced because it doesn't fit well here...or one of it should based on the meaning if your poem. Hurting and support together make the meaning vague. And also in the last words of all your stanzas, no offense meant, there is not enough uniformity. For instance, its written guilty, shame - u don't get the idea behind it( could be due to my shortsightedness) but you see, one is adjective the other abstract noun. According to me, it would have been more in flow, if it were guilt;shame or guilty;shameful...like that!
Going back, here I get the hint that you wish to say that you're hurt but still support, but this isn't that clear.
Just an opinion. Its entirely up to you.
Another fantastic stanza. Everything fits perfectly here. Especially that media stings takes a jab in the hearts of the readers. Very relatable. Though there's one minor mistake, don't know if you meant it but in the first line, you've written be twice.
I like its vibe, its the most relatable stanza for me. The fact that you know its in your hands but you're still not able to control it. It hits hard and add on to it that you can't blame anyone but yourself prepares for a really agonising experience.
Thisfollows the same note as the last one. However on a lighter note. And kudos to you, the flow from negative to positive couldn't have been smoother.
A phantasmagorical ending. Beautiful to the core. The change from not liking tears to welcoming the idea if tears is pretty amazing and so is the repetition of cry in the beginning and end.
It wasa wonderfully emotional piece of art.
Hoping to read more from you.
Keep writing because you're good at it!!
Thanks so much for the review! I appreciate the criticism. And you use big boi words and I like it. <3