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PftPP- Chapter 2.2

by FireEyes


Word Count: 1540

***

I pulled up to the quaint log cabin which stood in front of a classic red barn. I knocked on the door and Damon opened up for us.

“Hey y’all, you here to see the calf?” He motioned us into the house and he was back to the casual Damon we all knew and loved. His messy eye makeup wasn’t overdone, but his face beckoned to have something extra when he didn’t have it on even if I didn’t like it too much. His well-loved leather jacket outlined his frame and I could have just asked for a hug.

“Have you named it yet?” I asked crouched while I took off my shoes.

“Not yet, but you can help with names. It’s a girl if you want to narrow down your options. Although, I’d accept Damon Jr.” He chuckled then talked to Garret, “I’m pretty sure you have some good name ideas. Willow can help because she named everything. Have a seat, Avi is out picking strawberries with Willow, they’ll lead you to the barn once they come back in.” He stretched and jerked his shoulder. “Can I get you some tea?”

“Yes please,” I said and he poured a steaming cup of chamomile.

“Garret?” he gestured to the teapot.

“Sure.”

We sat and sipped the tea together and after each sip, it left a cool tingle in my mouth that kept me drinking. I soaked everything up. The house was relatively small where I sat. It was also fairly empty, but the glimpse I saw of Willow’s room was a caveat. Despite all of it, it felt like a real home. The decor was mostly framed pictures on walls and small shelves with crafts Avi and Damon made together as well as some interesting rocks Willow found. They all only lived in the house for a short period, but the walls smiled like they lived there for decades.

The back door opened and slammed shut as Avianna came into the living room. Willow was right on her tail holding a slew of flowers and a couple of rocks.

“Oh nice,” Avi said while she set the basket of strawberries on the dining table, “You’re here. Hey Garret, you want Willow to show you around back? You can come up with some names. I’ll be a second, I need to change.”

“Sure, I’ll go.” He set down the cup and followed Willow to the barn. Garret already scoffed and rolled his eyes just being there, I just hoped he wouldn’t give any of that to Willow.

Avianna disappeared and reappeared from her room with fresh overalls and newly brushed hair. She tied a bandana on her head as she came into the living room and sat next to Damon. He put his arm around her and she took a sip from his cup. Her glasses fogged up and Damon took them off and cleared them up for her.

“It’s so cold outside. I need to stay here before I go outside again. I don’t know how Willow does it, she's immune to the cold or something.” She leaned closer into Damon’s chest.

“Garret should be fine,” I said, “He wears that sweatshirt every day. It’s insulated and super heavy duty. He’ll be fine.” I got the jacket for him. When he was little he would beg for a heavier duty jacket and I delivered.

An unanticipated knock interrupted us. We didn’t expect anyone, but Damon went to answer anyway. Avi and I tried to go back to our conversation, but from the front of the house, we heard Damon gasp and shout, “DUDE!” I thought I heard Damon invite someone in, but it was too muffled to say for sure.

Damon darted to the living room, nerves haywire, jumping out of his skin. His blinking was even more erratic than at the wedding. Damon led a man into the living room. He wasn’t as tall as Damon, but his posture made it seem like he towered above him. He wore some spiffy clothing with another well worn leather jacket on top. It complimented his piercing blue eyes with impressive undereye bags along with some jet black hair combed to one side. He looked like he hadn’t shaved in a few days. A lip ring that matched Damon’s was buried under some grown out stubble. He was about to sit in an armchair across from me when he spoke.

“I should introduce myself. I’m Jacob. I’m an old friend of Damon’s and I used to manage Placid Palace.” He shook our hands. I had to resist the urge to put on hand sanitizer and opted to wipe my hand on my pants instead. It didn’t have to do anything with Jacob, but I avoided shaking hands whenever possible.

Jacob plopped down and stuck a few pieces of gum into his mouth. Damon started to ask questions when Jacob interjected. “I know I came out of nowhere, and I’ll tell you why. But congrats on the wife. The wedding must’ve been beautiful.” Damon scrunched his nose in mild contempt. Jacob offered him some gum and he took it, a subconscious reaction. It wasn’t hyperbole when I said I hardly saw Damon without a piece of gum in his mouth. He was a chainsmoker for it.

Jacob blew a bubble, “I was getting bored of life and I remembered how I miss managing you guys. It’s not the same as managing a corporation. And I was thinking maybe enough time has passed,” he trailed off. He reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and tossed a piece of paper to Damon.

Damon cocked an eyebrow as he read the note. A slow smile appeared on his face. “Is this Parker’s new place? Are you suggesting-”

Jacob leaned back and blew another bubble while he looked off to nowhere. Like a gruff old man with a cigarette in his mouth he said, “Get your eyeliner and glitter boys, we’re going on a reunion.”

In a flurry, Damon leapt up and almost tackled Jacob in a hug. He apologized and then flapped his hands everywhere. He was still careful to not knock anything over, but his unbridled joy inhibited that slightly.

Like a little kid, Damon asked, “Can we get him? Does he know?” He could have ascended to another dimension from all the energy he had. Avi and I had seen him excited before, but never to the extent of such unbridled enthusiasm. Jacob was collected like it was just another weekday.

“Who is Parker?” Avi asked.

“Bassist,” Jacob replied composed.

Damon gasped in an over offended way. “He’s not just the bassist! He drums, he writes the lyrics, and helps with production. I bet you don’t go around calling him the lyricist. If it weren’t for him being such a genius to get put up a grade, Placid Palace would have never existed. He’s one of my best friends, so don’t play like that.” He was going to die on that hill. That was one of the worst things about Damon. He loved people.

Without missing a beat, Jacob said, “You forgot we’re brothers. I’ve called Parker much worse things.” He got up and plucked the paper from Damon’s hands. “I don’t suppose you’d like to pass by his place soon.”

Damon snatched the paper back and said, “We’re going tomorrow.” He faltered and looked at Avianna. “Uh,” he cleared his throat, “If that’s alright with you, Avi.” He stood like a little kid, “I don’t want you to feel left out.”

She shook her head and chuckled, “Sure you can. I won’t keep you from your friends. But I wanna go too.” Jacob’s stoic face erupted in a wicked smile and he lightly punched Damon in the arm. Damon punched back harder than he intended and Jacob retaliated. Before we knew it, they were in an all out cat fight while Damon tried to break it off without getting slapped in the face.

Willow and Garret came into the house and announced simultaneously, “We named her Jo- What’s going on?” Willow and Garret eyed each other while Jacob and Damon struggled on the floor.

Damon got up and brushed himself off. He laughed and stammered, “Willow, you remember Jacob, right? This is Jacob, Garret.” Jacob got up too and waved.

Willow squinted at him and said, “You didn’t look this scruffy the last time I saw you.” I thought he dressed quite well, but Willow was visibly uncomfortable. She darted to her room and emerged with a stuffed animal under her arm while she shoved her hands into her pockets.

Jacob went over to Garret and shook his hand. “I’m Jacob. That’s a nice sweatshirt.”

Garret raised his eyebrows, “Thanks, it helps with the cold,” he paused, “Do you want to see the calf out back?”

“Sure,” Jacob followed Garret out the door and put an arm around Garret’s shoulder.

Willow sat on the couch and stroked the plushie. Damon sat next to her, a healthy distance away. He said, “You don’t remember him do you?” She shook her head. “That’s alright, you were kind of young.” He smiled and whispered, “I have some news.”

“What?”

“We’re going on a reunion."


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Sat Jan 13, 2024 3:27 am
Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi @FireEyes it's Doss here finally with another review, I haven't reviewed in awhile so I might be rusty but let's jump right into this shall we!!

Okay so since I haven't read this in awhile I decided to go back and skim through the other chapters just to get a reminder of what's happening.

I pulled up to the quaint log cabin which stood in front of a classic red barn. I knocked on the door and Damon opened up for us.

“Hey y’all, you here to see the calf?” He motioned us into the house and he was back to the casual Damon we all knew and loved. His messy eye makeup wasn’t overdone, but his face beckoned to have something extra when he didn’t have it on even if I didn’t like it too much. His well-loved leather jacket outlined his frame and I could have just asked for a hug.


I just love this description of Damon, he sounds like he could be real intimidating when he wants to be but also really kind and happy. Leighton should totally give him a hug!

“Have you named it yet?” I asked crouched while I took off my shoes.


Yes totally go name it and name it something awesome! :)

The back door opened and slammed shut as Avianna came into the living room. Willow was right on her tail holding a slew of flowers and a couple of rocks.


So this must be the Avi who was talking over the phone, wonderful, aww Willow holding flowers so beautiful

“I should introduce myself. I’m Jacob. I’m an old friend of Damon’s and I used to manage Placid Palace.” He shook our hands. I had to resist the urge to put on hand sanitizer and opted to wipe my hand on my pants instead. It didn’t have to do anything with Jacob, but I avoided shaking hands whenever possible.


Wow wasn't expecting this guy to show up, XD yep never shake someone's hand you have know idea where it's been, I love how polite he is to just wipe it on his pants instead of washing them properly.

Overall Thoughts

Now before I start I know that I might come across as sounding really harsh but you don't even have to pay any mind to what I'm saying and I didn't mean for it to come across that way.

If I am completely honest this chapter for me compared to all the others was a bit of a letdown, I really liked the plot twist of Jacob coming in and all but, I feel like you forgot your main character a little in this chapter it was more about Damon then it was about Leighton, and the real reason that they come to Damon's was to see the cow which Avi had made such a big deal of, but all that was mentioned of it was naming it, and it almost seemed like this chapter didn't really ad up completely with the last one like it was missing a lot of peace's, and I enjoyed it none the less and I love Damon and Jacobs personality, and it was super funny them hitting each other like kids.
But again I feel like the only reason that your main character was there was because you couldn't do this if he wasn't there, I mean I know that him and Damon where talking but then Jacob came in and Leighton didn't say a thing.

Be free to take this advice or leave it I'm alright with any, I also understand if your writing style is completely different from mine and that's why I'm finding it hard to follow along.

So this is all that I can say about this chapter, really apologizing for the harsh criticism, I'm not good at giving it lightly, I'm only saying what I think might be helpful, I hope to read more of your chapters soon, keep up the great work.

I hope you have a great day/night whichever side of the world you're on.

@Dossereana Flying Over The Green Room And Spreading Shards Of Encouragement




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Fri Jul 14, 2023 8:16 pm
Kaia wrote a review...



Wowah! That was a lot of unforseen events right there! I was not expecting another character to show up for a while, but in rushes Damon's brother. And my are they similar!! I loved how Jacob was chewing gum just like Damon does. (I still remember that detail that the wedding was one of the few times he was seen without gum) That, and I also liked that he's got a lip piecing, too. Makes me wonder if they got that done together. ;)

I did find Damon's reaction to seeing his brother a little odd. I mean, I was under the impression that these are grown men suddenly acting like little kids. But the humor in that scene really made up for it. :) You have a way of throwing a toss of humor in every scene you write. Nice!!

Again, allow me to comment on your main characters quirks. Wanting to use hand sanitizer after shaking someone's hand? So relatable!! I would totally do that if that wasn't seen as rude. I love that detail!

That, and this part:

Her glasses fogged up and Damon took them off and cleared them up for her.

Yep. You probably guessed it. I have glasses, and that is THE most annoying thing about glasses. They fog up badly in the winter, get dirty far too easily, and are hard to see through when they get wet. I actually appreciate that detail a lot more than you probably realize. So few people comment in their books about all the annoyances of glasses XD.

So, besides the quick comma issues I brought up in the last part, I thought this part could use a little fix up...

Have a seat, Avi is out picking strawberries with Willow, they’ll lead you to the barn once they come back in.

I felt like the comma after "Willow" really threw me off. Maye join these parts with a semicolon? Or maybe just split them into entirely different sentences or add an and. Totally up to you, but I thought I'd point that one out.

If you would like me to stop commenting on grammer, let me know!

Hope you're having a great day,
-Kaia




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Thu Jul 13, 2023 5:45 am
alpacaboss wrote a review...



Hello! It is the alpaca, barging in for a short review! I read the first two chapters of PPTP so I have a slight bit of context on where this is going. Just a bit though since I have a feeling that a lot transpired during the other chapters, but I'm going to review this one anyways. I won't be making this too long though so just a fair warning for you. On to the review!

It's nice to see Damon and Avi living a quiet and nice life together in a farm. It's literally the dream life. not for most people, but I admire those people who want to live a quiet life. It shows that they're not seeking after anything and are content with each other's company/ I'm rooting for their relationship to last because of how cute they are AHAHAH

Hmmm, I wonder who this Jacob is. Damon obviously doesn't like him and probably has a bad experience with this guy, given there's a line that said this.

[quote[ Damon scrunched his nose in mild contempt. [/quote]

Given this was at Jacob's comment about the wedding and he loves Avi very much, he is feeling contempt to none other than this mysterious Jacob who came to their house uninvited.

Damon cocked an eyebrow as he read the note. A slow smile appeared on his face. “Is this Parker’s new place? Are you suggesting-”

Jacob leaned back and blew another bubble while he looked off to nowhere. Like a gruff old man with a cigarette in his mouth he said, “Get your eyeliner and glitter boys, we’re going on a reunion.”

In a flurry, Damon leapt up and almost tackled Jacob in a hug. He apologized and then flapped his hands everywhere. He was still careful to not knock anything over, but his unbridled joy inhibited that slightly.

---
Damon gasped in an over offended way. “He’s not just the bassist! He drums, he writes the lyrics, and helps with production. I bet you don’t go around calling him the lyricist. If it weren’t for him being such a genius to get put up a grade, Placid Palace would have never existed. He’s one of my best friends, so don’t play like that.” He was going to die on that hill. That was one of the worst things about Damon. He loved people.


Well that's an interesting change of heart. I seriously wonder what the backstory of these people are. I find the quote "That was one of the worst things about Damon. He loved people." particularly funny. Too much fangirling can be annoying, whether boy or girl. Just in my opinion.

Damon got up and brushed himself off. He laughed and stammered, “Willow, you remember Jacob, right? This is Jacob, Garret.” Jacob got up too and waved.

Willow squinted at him and said, “You didn’t look this scruffy the last time I saw you.” I thought he dressed quite well, but Willow was visibly uncomfortable. She darted to her room and emerged with a stuffed animal under her arm while she shoved her hands into her pockets.


What's with Jacob? I don't get what's wrong with him. Unless you're intentionally trying to hide something about him hahaha

Overall, I'm wondering where this will go. Maybe it's just me but I haven't seen any fantasy element here nor mystery (I may have missed something though). It would be nice if the plot was somehow made clear for this. And not just banter and talk. But then again it's up to you so take my suggestions with a grain of salt.

This is alpacaboss, signing off.





I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
— Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest