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PftPP- Chapter 3.2

by FireEyes


Word Count: 949

“Damon lost it. He started shaking so violently and he was raising his voice. And he snapped at Parker, “You’ve got to be kidding me. Don’t you know where everything started to go wrong in Placid Palace? It was that!’ And he pointed to the beer.”

I knew it. Bands, just like empires, collapse because of human error. Those types of problems are only amplified when you have to work with friends for a living.

“Damon was getting more hot-headed the more he talked, ‘You couldn’t write a single word. All the garbage songs came from me and Jacob. Jacob doesn’t write!’ Of course, I’m pretty sure Damon used a couple of words I’d rather not repeat.”

Without missing a beat, Garret said, “I’m still in school, I have the whole arsenal of bad words.”

“Touche. But anyway, Damon said stuff like, ‘Out songs sucked and you were the only one who kept the dumpster fires manageable. But each time you got wasted it made each and every session unbearable. And I hate that we even released that album.’ He went on more about it and then what caught me was when he said, ‘I thought your wife was there for you. I thought she was getting you help.’”

Avi looked at me like she wished she could help, but nothing she could have done would have amounted to anything. “Lisa ain’t helping no more.”

None of us talked for a few seconds that extended for a few millennia.

“I just felt sorry for him.” Avi shook her head. “He looked so hopeless and all around him were mostly piles of vomit stained shirts and glass shards.

“Then I saw Jacob pull out the thermos. Then he growled out, ‘This is still hot. Hot enough. I won’t hesitate to spill it and call it an accident. We both know that. But there is a caveat. I could give you this in exchange for the alcohol in your hand.’ Jacob set it on the table and gave Parker a minute.”

Avi sat back in silence and prompted me to ask, “Well, what happened? Go on, we don’t have all day.”

“Goodness, have you ever heard of dramatic effect? Well, Parker took the tea, although I could see he didn’t like it. Then he opened up, ‘I guess I knew I was losing. Maybe one last hurrah in the public eye can deal with the old problems. When it’s over don’t worry about me. If I figure it out, I figure it out.’ It looked like he meant it, but I think deep down we all knew it already took hold of him. Damon told me that Parker would never let anything take the light behind his eyes, but they were just so incredibly dead.”

I could imagine them in my head. An iris holding the remnant of an exploded star. That’s why I never wanted to be famous. Everyone would know me and my every move. I wouldn’t exist without wondering how many people were thinking of me. No one could have complete peace that way; people are appalling. I would have probably turned to some sort of substance too. If it meant I could numb my feelings, I would do it.

“Damon still looked upset. I reached for his hand, but he got up and went to one of the many massive piles of clothes before I could grab it. He picked them up and asked, ‘That hallway, first door?’ Then Parker nodded. ‘If you’re going to go on tour, you might want to have some clean shirts, buddy.’”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Garret said, “Did you really start doing laundry?”

“Yeah we cleaned up the house too. It wasn’t spotless, but it was a lot better than before. No more broken glass on the mantles, and no more beer in the house either. It was a much better house when we left than when we came in.

I was sure glad I didn’t offer to go. It was a selfish awareness, but I hated cleaning. “That sure was something,” I sighed. “So, now what? Is Damon going to go across the world touring? This is something Dad is going to want to be a part of.”

Indignant, Garret whined, “I want to be a part of it too. That sounds so cool.”

“That’s for your parents to decide, little man.”

Avi rolled her eyes, “You know what this sounds like to me?” She shot me a smug look.

“A family meeting,” we both said bugged. They happened at least every three months and they were excruciating every single time. Avi didn’t find them too splendid either.

Avi took a deep breath and announced, “I should probably go. I need to prepare some lunch for Willow.” She grabbed her keys and headed for the door. “See you guys later.”

Garret texted away and I waved goodbye. I asked Garret some trivial questions afterwards and I didn’t listen to his answers. I didn’t know what I was talking about, I just wanted Garret to look up. He must have been texting a school friend. I wondered if he would eventually have the same life as Damon. When he wasn’t texting friends, he was listening to music. He was still a pretty creative kid and I remember when he told me he wanted to be some type of artist.

He got up and went back to his room. I was left with myself and my impending doom of the chaos of the future family meeting. It sounded like a great time to take a nap. I lied down and knocked out like I didn’t wake up an hour and a half ago.


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Stickied -- Tue Sep 12, 2023 12:58 am
FireEyes says...



Hello, just a note, if you are planning to review, I would like to make it know that this is the second draft of this chapter. I am going to change the structure later on by having Leighton actually go to see all this himself so it isn't a game of telephone. I thought this would be something frequently brought up. Just know I already understand where I can improve in one big aspect, so no need to comment upon it in detail. Thank you <3




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Sat Sep 30, 2023 3:20 am
EllieMae wrote a review...



Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

(GREETING & INTRODUCTION)

HI FRIEND! Ellie here once again for another review. I really enjoyed this :)Lets not waste space and get right into this review!

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
(CONTENT - my impressions / interpretation)

Alrighty, here is what i understood and took away. In this chapter, there are tensions rising between Damon and Parker. They are members of this music group and struggling with substance use issues and creative differences. the characters talk about their future career paths and they clean up the living space.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
(CONTENT - include specific suggestions)

I would love to continue to hear more about the backstories of each of the characters, what drives and motivates each of them and what has resulted in them being where they are today. I would love more descriptions of Placid Palace and what is around them. Overall, I felt your description was great though :)

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
(CONTENT - include specific praises)

I love how you touched on strained relationships, substance us, and a desire for reconciliation. I felt that the story flowed very well and has an interesting plotline! Thank you for sharing this story with us! I'm happy to have stumbled upon it tonight.

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
(CONTENT & SIGN-OFF)

Have a lovely night, my friend!

Sincerely,
Ellie Mae




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Sat Sep 30, 2023 2:39 am
Ventomology wrote a review...



Heyy! Back for part 2.

Now, I know you're rewriting things... but through reading this whole story so far, I feel like I still haven't been able to get a grasp on what the goal is, or even what a potential problem for the protagonist really is. It's not a bad thing to take your time (lord knows I've done it), but it's easier to look past a delay in the onset of the protagonist's journey if we see them immediately impacted by a problem, or a personal goal of theirs.

Thus far, Leighton has really been an observer. Even if you do have him at the scene of this travesty Avi is telling him about, what does he even have to do with it? His sister is married to a band member, but what stake does he have? Leighton doesn't even seem very interested in them. In the first chapter, when he first discusses the band, he even says he doesn't listen to music much. As a reader, it's a little strange to be introduced to a main character who seems to have so little to do with the situation at hand, and also no real personal goals to work through on the side of that.

Knowing that this story also has magical elements, I think it's also a shame that we don't see more of its impact on the world. How are things different? Leighton talks about it like it's... if not common, then it's at least wide-spread enough to make a point of who has or does not have some kind of ability.

There are things I think are really good. While I didn't leave a review on the first chapter, the detailing and dialogue in it are really smooth, and I love seeing people write their own songs and poetry for their stories. There's an excellent mix there of action, feelings, and description. Just don't lose sight of what you have in that chapter, and you'll do great.

Feel free to send a ping when you've got the next part, or the revisions. Until next time,
-Vento





There was nothing he enjoyed more than a good book. He'd wander into the study, take down some leather-bound volume, and eat it.
— Terence Brady (dog owner)