Never got to live a full life
Only got one filled with misery and strife
Looking after his kid brothers
Sometimes they seemed more like bothers
But love was at the center of all he did
But Pony didn’t understand like a little kid
That punch was out of grief
Then out of the blue, he was running from the chief
Stressful days and sleepless nights
Looking at all Of Pony’s favorite sights
Still trying to find him
A boy’s home is where he’d end up in
Begging Two-Bit and Steve
To tell where Pony would have to leave
He went up to, the tough as nails, Dally
Didn’t tell them but they went to a valley
Cried of anguish, sadness, and anger
Stayed for a week and in the air, they lingered
“What would mom and dad think?”
Then a thought crept in and made his heart sink
What if they were dead like Bob?
He couldn’t but he wanted to sob
He had to find Ponyboy
When he did nothing could fill him with more joy
The first time he cried
He made up for the love his parents supplied
He tried hard to suppress it
And his legs made him want to sit
Pony ran over and figured it out
He loved Pony but didn’t make a sound
The message had been sent
And Pony silently gave his repent
In his brother’s embrace
He looked at Pony’s tear-stained face
He looked at Soda’s smile
And the world at that moment didn’t so seem vile
Suppressing sobs
His and Soda’s jobs
All to support Pony
He used to think he was a phony
In front of his brothers, bound in love
He felt a huge weight being lifted off from someone above
Losing his parents left a hole for him to fill
He was responsible for paying the bill
But no price was too big to stay with his loved ones
All their love for each other amounted to great sums
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey there! This has been in the green room for awhile, so I decided to check it out! c: A quick note; I have read the Outsiders before, but it's been a looong time xD so if I say anything stupid, please feel free to ignore it :p
I think this a nice poem that gives sort of a quick summary of the plot and an introduction to some of the main characters! And your rhyme scheme does give a nice rhythm and bounce to the poem overall. I also noticed you are consistent in capitalization, which I think is important, and it makes your poem look clean and organized. I would also like to point out one spot I enjoyed in particular:
I think this a lovely ending to your poem. You've shown that despite all the hardships you are facing, nothing can beat love, and I think that's a gorgeous message to send. So overall, I really enjoyed reading this poem of yours! ^_^ I do have a few suggestions for you. These are just suggestions though, so if you don't agree with them, please feel free to disregard them!
The firs thing I'd like to mention is your line length. It kind of jumps around, and like Maryah said, it can make your poem choppy in some places. Because most of your lines are medium to the longer side, the very short lines come as a surprise, and it interrupts the flow a bit. My suggestion would be to add to those shorter lines; add adjectives to your nouns, throw in some similes and metaphors, and just make those lines more descriptive overall! This won't only help with line length, but this will also help with making your poem more descriptive and tangible for the reader!
The next thing I'd like to mention is stanzas. Your poem is on the longer side, so adding stanzas will help make this easier to read and less intimidating. There are many ways you can break up this poem, and I'll give you one suggestion in the spoiler below! But if you want to keep it as it is, that's perfectly fine also!
Spoiler
The next thing I'd like to mention is punctuation. I noticed you don't utilize that much punctuation, and I'm mostly talking about at the end of lines. Punctuation is a stylistic choice, so if you don't want any punctuation, that's perfectly fine! But I do think it would be helpful to add commas at the end of lines to help the flow, or at least a period at the very end of this poem to suggest finality and give a complete resolution to this poem. But again, it's your choice! c:
One last thing I'd like to mention is your beginning
Especially if you haven't read the book, it's a bit unclear who you're talking about in the beginning. Who didn't get to live a full life? What kid brothers are you talking about? Since the reader can't establish a definite speaker, it's hard for the reader to understand and connect with the poem, or at least that's how it was for me. Personally, I would try to establish a speaker right at the beginning so your reader will be able to follow along with the poem, even if they haven't read the book.
And that's it! Overall, I enjoyed reading this; it reminded me of The Outsiders and makes me want to read it again cx I love your use of rhyme scheme, and the story and message embedded in your poem is nicely conveyed. I hope to read more of your work soon, and I hope this helped!
Hello @FireEyes! @NastyMajesty poppin' in here for a quick review. Nice to mee-- wait. I know you in real life and I'm just doing this as an example review for you. I'm being nit-picky on purpose because I can't find anything hugely wrong with this. Nevermind. Kay let's just jump right in.
You don't need "of" capitalized in this sentence. Also, secondly, this stanza was a bit choppy: Anyways, that's all the huge nitpicks I can come up with.Grows
Okay, so first off...
Glows
I really like this stanza. It describes his love for his brothers so well. You do a great job depicting how Darry feels and his emotions throughout the entire poem. Overall, amazing job! Keep writing!