Young Writers Society

I feel like there was some symbolism here. Are you trying to say not to be afraid of a seemingly sad and lonely place and if you do it will consume you?? That's the message I'm receiving reading this.


This is not a script. This is more something to be put under the other section. A script would be something that shows lines for a play or something. This is the definition of script:

the written text of a play, movie, or broadcast.

I feel like this could be broken into sections by paragraph as well.


Other than that. This was awesome. KEEP WRITING!!! JESUS LOVES YOU! I LOVE YOU!!! HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY/NIGHT!! YOU ROCK!!

This was really interesting and I quite enjoyed this little "script" or whatever you call it! That is the category you put it in anyway

Anyway, time for actual review stuff, right? Now, disclaimer, I'm not going to pretend I know much about grammar, so if you need feedback about that, don't ask me.

I thought the descriptions were effective and created a distinct picture to visualize while also giving off some great atmosphere and overall feel. Good job on this. I especially like the line, "A sigh escapes my mouth and icy, frigid air ghosts forth in a chilling cloud." There's something so alluring and mysterious about this even though you're literally just describing someone's breath. You managed to make it interesting, nice one! I think the use of the word "ghosts" is what really got me there. Creepy!

The only form of criticism of this I could possibly have is that the idea of people being scared of what's lurking in the dark and there's really nothing bad about darkness... is a bit overused in my silly opinion. However, you still managed to put an interesting spin on that "trope".

I thoroughly enjoyed this, keep up the good work!