Their Light

Job well done, lad!
I really liked the concept of this, just because of how grimy it was. I have to say, I'm a fan of gore.
There's not really anything that I can point out that needs changing, so i guess I'll just compliment your work.
"Night is falling,

As I flee the scene.

Blood stains the grass,

Washing out the green."
I think that'd have to be my most favorite part, but I also liked how you told about the person. How you wrote it. What you wrote about. I love it all.
Amazing work, keep it up.

Hi there.

I think this poem has some potential but does need some work here and there.

First off, you establish that the poem is in first person, and that the narrator is going/already is insane, eating people, murdering people, etc. This is fine, however I think you're writing should then reflect this person's insanity. Show us what it means to be in this person's fractured mind. You can use fractured sentence structure to support this if you so choose, repeat words or fragments of sentences, and describe things in a more unnerving manner. Right now it sorta seems like we're seeing this from the perspective of a relatively normal individual, albeit a calm one.

Basically, try to imagine what sort of thing's this insane murderer of yours would say and think and then write that. Be creative. Be original. Be terrifying.

Secondly, I suggest reading through and varying your words a little. You use "fades" and "fading" both in the first stanza, and then have two lines right next to each other with the word "nothing".

Finally, I suggest an ABAB rhyming pattern rather than an ABCB pattern.

Oh, and a little nitpick - change the line "To nothing but red" to "Naught but red". Keeps the rhythm better.

Keep up the good work.

Woah. This poem is so powerful! Like the other one I reviewed, it has such raw emotion in it. You seem to have a real knack for rhyming. Sometimes trying to make a poem rhyme can ruin the flow, the pace or the rhythm or the poem (or the poet can end up choosing words that don't really fit just for the sake of rhyme). However your rhyme scheme hasn't take away from the poem one bit, so huge respect to you for that!

My only slight criticism is the very last line of the poem, it doesn't seem to quite flow with the line previous to it, I suggest perhaps changing it to:

'That I killed their light'

It's just a tiny nitpick, and you can take it or leave it - it's simply my personal opinion.
Overall, I really loved this poem, even if it is rather dark and somewhat depressing. My favourite stanza is certainly the first one.

Keep writing,

~Crim