As the song begins, the children glow,
Alight with smiles, soft as snow.
A twinkling eye, a happy smile,
These children long to dance awhile.
The music glistens across the room,
Young mothers and wives together bloom,
While genuine joy and love embrace,
These women have lightness upon their face.
The men in the room are not dismayed,
Though the prospect of love has them afraid.
The peaceful tune flows through the air,
A contended reminder of fulfilled prayer.
In the dying of the dance the old ones sing,
Their fragile voices through the air do ring.
A lasting impression, as though they die,
The memories made, forever nigh.
Hey, FatCowsSis!
Just wanted to drop in and give ya a review to help you out and whatnot. Well, actually, I may not even have to because you did a killer job with this poem. I like the way you described everything. This is a cool piece.
Your grammar and punctuation looks on top, so I don't have to go over that with you or anything. The set up for the stanzas is also good because they make everything flow together smoothly. Anyway, nice skills.
-Unidentified
Hi FatCowsSis! Rodger here for review.
Fast and foremost l would like to say well done on the name. I always say that its a good name that grapes the attention of the readers and not necessarily the work.
OK lets get into the piece itself.
I like the way the opening stanza was structured, it kind of site the mood or expectation for the rest of the story. I enjoyed the third stanza where you say.
" The men in the room are not dismayayed
Though the prospect of love has them afraid" It gets you imagining deeply for those of as how like to bring works to realty or to imagine how they would have played out. Good job on the use of Similes many people tend to over use them.
Besides that l thing you should have expanded it a bit.
Hello FatCowsSis! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!Give me your soul.
With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!
Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overallStrikethrough = remove
Underline = random Kara comments.
120,195 Literary Works • 649,018 Reviews
Points: 592
Reviews: 11
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