z

Young Writers Society


12+

After All the Cleaning

by Evander, AdmiralKat


Hey! This is a parody of After Ever After by Paint! Katya and I got bored while chatting and made this up! So... here's the video. After you watch that, the parody is below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diU70KshcjA

One more thing: We do not own After Ever After or Disney.

If you’ve ever wondered why…
Katya and Raven are so insane!
Here’s a song to give you proof
that they are nutty.

***

[Raven holds a sign that says: Raven first person]

Katya is supposed to be eating breakfast,
but she's really not.
I think that the wonderful Katya
actually forgot.
So just try to put yourself into -- our very tiny shoes,
we both just opened our eyes, and have lots to lose. (Oh gosh!)
Thank you, alarm. (Thank you, alarm.)
Thank you, alarm. (Thank you, alarm.)
Mommy is yelling, Ricky is smelling!
Now I can’t breathe; my chest!
Mother is yelling for us to clean,
and Ricky is being really obscene.
I am laughing,
I am also clappin’
Thank you, alarm.
WE’RE UP.

***

[Raven holds a sign that says: Raven third person.]

Hey, Rave’s okay. But she’s slightly scared.
Katya’s at breakfast and Rave is incoherent.
She’s laughing her butt off as she makes these lyrics!
HAHAHAHAHA.
She’s not insane, no Crazy’s not her name!
Now Kat and Rae have to clean!
Katya has to clean the aquarium and it smells really baaaad.
Raven has deduced that they are both maaaad.
The supplies are in the hall!
They’re not trained maids at all!
Raven went bonkers and no one put up a fuss.
They’re not for cleaning, Genie rescue them!
Their mom is crazy,
Katya is lazy
and Raven’s doing nothing!
Set free! The poor kitty!

***

[Katya holds a sign that says: Katya third person]

A tank! A tank!
A tank, a tank, a tank!
This house has gone wild since Katya had to clean…
She actually might die!
(She actually might die)
But the fish will love her
as long as she doesn't flee
or winding up in hiding in a tree!
(Oh she will cleannnnnnnnn)
NOOOOOOOO
She's overrun by fish!
(The fish are crazy…)
She heard they want her to clean!
(They want her to clean their stinky house)
Theeyyyy legit believe she'll do that
And now she heard that the fish will eat her catttttt

***

[Katya holds a sign that says: Katya first person]

After I moved over to this city....
I helped my family clean the yard
More dirt, problems and things to fix...
and they were all for me to do!!!
My mother forced me to clean up
So now she wants me to clean up again…
That dreaded fish tank of hers is a mess…
Oh, how I wish Raven could do this for me…
(HEY! RAVEN!)
Have you ever heard an elefant’s cry?
Or seen the raven cackle?
Can you clean a fish's aquarium?
Can you take a scrub to a fin?
I can clean when I please
cause I'm forced by mommy!
I have to… clean the fish tank…right now....

***

Thank you, Mommy.
Where’s my kitty?
CLEANINGOLGY
I've got to clean!!!!

BAWABAWAWAWAWAWAWAWA

*sad faces everywhere*

*one smile from Raven*


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Sun Feb 22, 2015 5:46 pm
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Alright. This. What did I just read?

Hey, Katya and Raven Adrian! Ready for a review to shred this? OK!

To start it off, the very first verse of this entire parody doesn't line up with the song. What so ever. The beat is off and it loses the comical feel that the song is supposed to have instantly. They don't even rhyme with one another. For the sake of this, I'm going to keep up the name Raven, since it's used here.

My suggestion is to use the shorted version of your nicknames in the second line, "Kat and Rave" because that way it still flows with the beat of the song and isn't too much of a mouthful. And think of a better fourth line. That has a much better flow, because 'nutty' doesn't work there. Period.

Then your second verse isn't that great either. It too is very wordy, and there are very easy ways to shorten your sentence, like saying, "Kat should be eating breakfast / even though she is not." That way it still goes along with the song.

Afterwards it starts to pick up again, with one part that doesn't have enough syllables to fit into the song, "and have lots to lose." I would say add in some extra words like, "each have" and "a lot to" so that it can keep up the beat with Paint's wondrous music. By the end you finally were able to get into the beat of the song and I started laughing pretty hard. Nice job!

Once it gets to Raven's third person thing, the second line becomes really wordy again, and not really sure where incoherent comes in, which isn't the best to put in the song. Then more wordiness comes back when she talks about not being named crazy, which can probably be shortened as well.

The main goal of the parody is to just change the lyrics right? But they have to flow with the song, which is something that you're starting to fall down in this part. I enjoyed the laughing though ^^ That one is a little more wordy towards the end in the chorus, seeming less than fitting into the song, but it can work. My advice to check for this is to sing it to yourself.

Well, the third song wasn't bad, but it wasn't super great either. And then the last one I'm not really all for, but it works I guess. I would shred this more, but by then I'm not sure how to fix it. The best of all four was the very first one! You should mimic it more. However, this was a valiant attempt and I did laugh quite a bit ^^ Happy Review Day and Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~




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89 Reviews


Points: 6213
Reviews: 89

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Sun Oct 26, 2014 6:49 am
Amnesia wrote a review...



Awe this is really adorable...I dont really know how to quote so im going to put some lines that i like from this here :)

"Hey, Rave’s okay. But she’s slightly scared.
Katya’s at breakfast and Rave is incoherent.
She’s laughing her butt off as she makes these lyrics!
HAHAHAHAHA.
She’s not insane, no Crazy’s not her name!
Now Kat and Rae have to clean!
Katya has to clean the aquarium and it smells really baaaad.
Raven has deduced that they are both maaaad.
The supplies are in the hall!
They’re not trained maids at all!
Raven went bonkers and no one put up a fuss.
They’re not for cleaning, Genie rescue them!
Their mom is crazy,
Katya is lazy
and Raven’s doing nothing!
Set free! The poor kitty!"


I can safely say that I love this part to no end :) It's the paragraph that caught my eye when I was reading :) Keep up the great work


i forgot to make it a review




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89 Reviews


Points: 6213
Reviews: 89

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Sun Oct 26, 2014 6:48 am
Amnesia says...



Awe this is really adorable...I dont really know how to quote so im going to put some lines that i like from this here :)

"Hey, Rave’s okay. But she’s slightly scared.
Katya’s at breakfast and Rave is incoherent.
She’s laughing her butt off as she makes these lyrics!
HAHAHAHAHA.
She’s not insane, no Crazy’s not her name!
Now Kat and Rae have to clean!
Katya has to clean the aquarium and it smells really baaaad.
Raven has deduced that they are both maaaad.
The supplies are in the hall!
They’re not trained maids at all!
Raven went bonkers and no one put up a fuss.
They’re not for cleaning, Genie rescue them!
Their mom is crazy,
Katya is lazy
and Raven’s doing nothing!
Set free! The poor kitty!"


I can safely say that I love this part to no end :) It's the paragraph that caught my eye when I was reading :) Keep up the great work




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Sun Oct 26, 2014 12:34 am
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BookWolf wrote a review...



This is very hilarious! :D I read the whole and found myself at least smiling the whole time. Just a couple of things though.

Theeyyy legit believe she'll do that

Did you mean' 'Theeyyy "legitimately" believe she'll do that'

More dirt, problems and things to fix...

'More dirt, problems, and things to fix...' (Forgot the comma after problems)


Anyway, that's all I really found. Over all it was great and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Bye for now!

~BookWolf




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Sat Oct 25, 2014 2:12 pm
KatGirl says...



o_ooo

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THIS COMMENT WAS BROUGHT TO U BY TROLOLOLOLOLOL (KATGIRL)





The words you speak become the house you live in.
— Hafiz