I think i'm getting the hang at this poetry thing now
Ever wish you could start again,
Flick a switch,
Forget the pain,
Sail across this sea of life,
Free of waves,
Rid of strife,
What else could you have done,
Black cries,
Memories rerun,
Friendships have been broken,
Fuming with rage,
They wither away,
I miss your friendly shoulder,
When I need to cry,
When did alliance,
Start to defy,
I hope it was important,
Arguments fulfilled,
Now after your gone I realise,
All I want Is you.
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Canary word: Present
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this is a very good poem. my favourite verse is:
across this sea of life,
Free of waves,
Rid of strife,
I love it! You're such a good writer.(You can't deny that):)
It's awesome maybe you could add a little bit more but except for that I loved it!!!
From Me
Thanks for all the reveiws guys!
I'm not one who usually likes structured poetry, but I really love these two stanzas. The whole poem gives the essence of pessimism and sorrow, which provokes feeling. It relates to everyone in the fact that we all just want to waste away and forget about life. We all want to find our own escape..
Great poem.!
Nice poem. i love it. Good Job!
Just a few grammatical/structural revises.
Other than that, good poem!
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-jojo
Hello there
I just love how this stanza flowed. It almost immaculate.This was really good. I have to hand it you.
The only problem I seemed to have with this poem was the fact that you put commas as your form of punctuation throughout. So in essence, you were just listing things or whatever. Points where you saw that this was the beginning of the sentence, were introduced by a comma. Another things is that things were a tad bit cliché, but I totally get the way you expressed yourself.
Keep writing poetry, you're good at it.
Other than that, this is a really good poem. I like the sadness of it.
Yeah i have actually and you seem to have a serious attitude towards pessimism, i like it
Didnt actually get what you were trying to say you are sailing on the sea of life, no matter what kind of sea it is there will be waves i think it maybe just me but can you explain what you were trying to say?
again with the the good job of emphasis on pessimism
i 100% agree with you , its like you notice the things around you with a keen eye :O
Well isnt that cute the more you trust someone the more harder it is to let go if you know hat i mean >.>
i just felt like saying that *ignore*
just like the saying, "you dont know what it is till its gone"
truly amazing. You sure are getting hang of it. it was neat and i personally think it was enjoyable !!
you did a nice job my friend
Remember to stay motivated
Yours Truly
- Stephene