As yet forgotten

[quote="SweetMoments"]Smeared with stains of regret quote]

This line makes me picture a young child with blood smeared on their face; I really like it. For not being a poet, this is is instructed very well. Just remember that grammar is only half of it. Personally, I like to write freely and add grammer last when I write poetry. Sometimes my punctuation doesn't even make sense, but it doesn't matter when you write for yourself.

All in all, the feel and construction of the poem is great!

I liked how simple it was. Many writers complicate and describe too much or twoo litte, myself included, but you made it just descripitive enough. It'll most defiantly stick with me for a very very long time. Congrats!

I understand the bit about the last two stanza's is not that good I shall work on it. RememberMe its supposed to be about a child who always feels like she is left out but then when her parents die, she realizes how much they actually did for her. I might have to show that better in the poem when I edit it

Buzzbee123 wrote:I'm not much of a poet but here it is.


I'm the overshadowed bush, I love how you started this poem, very nicely done.
In a forest of trees,
The middle child,
In a family of three,

I'm the one whos been left on the shelf,
Dusty, Lonely, Forgotten, Left out
Transparent as glass,
Smeared with stains of regret, I honestly dont think this line fits, it's to long and throws the whole poem off.
For now,
They're a silhouette,
A shadow of themselves,
Life now gone,
Memory none shall forget, I honestly dont understand your last two stanza's it confuses me and it throws the story off, at first I thought this story was about an unwanted child but now death adn regret has been thrown into the mix and it confuses me.

I [b]recognise,
Your time was now spent,
All I wonder,
Did you ever regret.
Me.

For a persson not so far in poems you have done a five star job. This poem was gracefully it was sad and yet it was beaitfull.

I think this is really good. I felt the flow throughout, the only one bit that didn't work for me straight off was the second verse, but after reading it over and over again a couple of times, I realised it worked.

In terms of length I liked it. I am a really big fan of short poems, and I find that they are very hard to come across.

Overall, this is a neat poem, and definatly one that suits my taste.

I think there are a few bits that you could tweak, but they have already been mentioned and I am not sure if it is worth re-metioning them.

If you have any questions feel free to PM me.

Well done Keep writing.

Hello there

I'm not much of a poet myself, but this was really good. Although I have seen the whole overshadowed, underdog theme before, I loved the way you made your ideas transcend. I especially enjoyed the last stanza. The first stanza was a little dull for me,

I'm the overshadowed bush,
In a forest of trees,
The middle child,
In a family of three,

A short and neat story. I loved the rhymes and job well done
keep up the good work.

Yours truly
- Stepene