the border between waking and dreaming blurs like rain on the window,
and the dull pang of thunder only hurts my head.
I lie here, drowning in an ocean of silence,
my dreams floating through it like a school of fish
(but i have not learned anything, have i?
for what does consciousness accomplish except rhetorical questions?)
-
I am lying still, soaked in regret and sadness,
(or was it joy and acceptance? my former self would say either "yes" or "no")
i am a sponge that i cannot wring out. i am bloated with contradictions.
i'll drown myself in baking soda, to wash out my acid.
-
All I have is your love (an empty void),
although i'd much rather have your attention (a bountiful harvest).
Perhaps i prefer attention to affection (i am a cold-hearted rose)
attention I can put on an excel spreadsheet but love is unquantifiable (dangerous)
-
Do I only love what I do not know?
Do I only know what I do not love?
Maybe I love everything and know nothing, or love nothing and know everything.
-
the sun is rising, or maybe finally setting?
And my pain demands to be felt.
so i guess this ocean of emotion shall suffice.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Luke I am your father.*Ahem* This is figgem, dropping the annual review it seems.When I read through the list of names on the poetry tab I immediately thought to stop and read this. I knew it would be food for thought and I was not disappointed. The four of you wrote well together and despite being familiar with your poetries aside from each other I cannot tell who wrote what in this collab and it's such a nice thing that you played into each other's styles so well that its indiscernible.
My favorite lines were:
The language you use is very thought provoking! And I like these particular lines because they to me perfectly capture insomnia and the dread of what could have been. I mean we all could have learned something in the past could we not?
i do not have anything to critique, but I do have a suggestion.
I use it quite frequently in my poems and love to see it used in works where the line length varies; it tends to make everything look neat and even anyways.
So, if you are interested in that look, it is a big suggestion!
Keep writing, together seperately, and alltogether.
This is
your father*Ahem*gemfig, signing off; until next time!I also found this cool song that I think you might enjoy, it fits the tune of this review quite well.
I know ellie will get an auto notif for reviews but i want @Spearmint, @WeepingWisteria, and @herbalhour to know they got reviewed as well.
Thank you Gemmy <33 Beautiful review! Appreciated very much!
Thanks you figgy gem! That was probably one of my favorite lines to write%u2026 though I will not tell you which one hehe
hey there,
thought i'd leave a quick review--
this is the first thing i think i've reviewed on here that featured multiple collaborators, and i just think that's super cool. it makes me curious to look through everyone else's work to see if i can distinguish the different styles and figure out who is behind what : )
anyways, on to the poem.
i read this over and decided to revisit it. i was a little intimidated to try and write a review because i sometimes find poetry ambiguous and wonder if i'm just making up my own meanings to other people's words- but then sometimes i think, maybe that's the point.
but, to me, it seems like this poem is about the narrator overthinking. i imagine the writer lying in bed, not able to fall asleep because of all these thoughts that they're thinking. and even when they do fall asleep, these thoughts, feelings, and questions still make themselves present in the narrator's dreams.
i think we get the most clue as to what the poem is about in the third and fourth stanza. these stanzas seem to be the inner thoughts of the narrator. they reflect on which is more important to them: attention or love. because the narrator describes the love as "an empty void" and the attention as "a bountiful harvest," something about this just makes me think it's about a parent. like you know that they love and care for you, but they don't give you the attention that you crave so in that way, the love feels empty.
but again, i'm not super sure, this is just my speculation. the only thing i would say to improve this is to keep the capitalizations more consistent, but i do recognize that this could be a stylistic choice to differentiate the styles of the different writers.
but anyways, i really loved this poem and all its metaphors.
I appreciate your review so much!! Thanks, friend!!