I loved it all...
But honestly.
Was that take your pants off thing really nessisary. I mean you go from kissing to pants... well, it happens I guess. So forget I said anything about it. For a second I was expecting a poem about me here saying how I should pay more attention to your poems... bwahaha. Yeah, you should write a poem about me...
I really liked:
"For so long I have wanted to kiss away
that hurt look in your face and taste
your salty insides. Why is it that
meter and cadence and rhyme
drive you insane, when you
work with them so beautifully? "
That whole first verse, it brings to thought of all the people i like who I can't have. And all the people who have terrible low self estem... usually they are the exact same people but heh... i dont' know whre i'm getting at
and:
"but I wonder how much longer you can live,
if you keep bleeding into your poems. "
Because I said something similar to this once... I can't remember when but I did. I know it.
Great job on this you whiney little baby.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Sorry, Brad. I'm having a hard time concentrating on the poem. I'm too busy being nosy. *Looks around*
I liked it, but you did ask me to do something...
The second stanza is what troubles me a little, after the first couple of lines it seems to lose its way...I don't like the number of commas particularly. "You make me sick" seems out of place. The last line made me smile, however.
The third stanza...hmm...seems too wordy for my tastes. Its a bit of a mouthful and I had to read it again a couple of times rather than continuing on to finish the poem. I doubt that's a good thing.
The fourth stanza seems pointless, to be honest. Just stick the "God, I want.." at that start of the fifth stanza, and maybe try and fit the meaning/purpose of the fourth stanza somewhere else into the poem if needs be.
Well I tried. No one ever got shot for trying.
*laughs*
I really, really like this. So deep.
Of coure it had to be in there. How could it not be in there? His poetry is sexy.