Clue Formed by Tears
I jumped back with my lock in hand. My lock slipped and crashed to the floor and I didn’t hurry to pick it up. I gazed at the note strangely before I picked it up.
It was a college rules piece of paper with my name on it with the peculiar scent of axe deodorant. Donovan’s note!
I had his final words in my hands.
I slowly opened it with my breath held. I hoped he had nothing for me to pass on to Alec because I am pretty sure that he didn’t know that his best friend had just been murdered. I loved Donovan so much and it hurt and it will hurt even more once other people, who loved him too, feel as if they were cheated. But they weren’t, he was.
I heard the sound of my heart in my throat and I read the note. Tears welled in my eyes and cascaded onto the note.
More furious then ever I threw the note against the wall so hard that you could hear the plop! It made as it shattered against the wall. I slid my back against my locker until I was lying on the floor, in that pool of invisible blood once again
as I recalled what that note said. It was too much to stand in one day.
Too much to stand in a lifetime.
You know how much you mean to me, yet I am sad that after you read this things won’t be the same between us ever again and I will mean nothing to you.
Darla, the new girl in out geography class, asked me out about a week ago and like the idiot I was, thinking you had been cheating on me, I cheated on you. I am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you but I am a suspicious person and I hate seeing you hang out with other people more than me.
I will never do it again! I swear it! I love you so much and I always will. To death and beyond.
“Darla…” I clenched my teeth harder and snarled like a ravaging wolf that was being challenged as leader of the pack.
Donovan, although I can forgive him due to the fact he told me what he did, I won’t forgive because he never seemed to have a guilty conscious about it. I hung out with him all last week and all he did was smile and crack funny little Johnny jokes and hug me.
How dare he! I stood back up, spat with extreme abomination at the ground, jerked my things out of my locker and stumbled like a drunken maroon down the hallway and to the middle of the staircases before I had to sit down and cry some more.
I missed my bus as well did Alec, who had detention, so I waited for him and we both walked home together. I didn’t know if he knew about Donovan or not so I didn’t say anything the entire way. The snow crunched against our feet and our breath formed trails of mist.
“Is… is it true Liz?” Alec broke the silence. It startled me because he usually never had a first word in anything. If it was up to me, I would have preferred he didn’t have the first word in this conversation.
“Is what true?” I was afraid of answering; knowing that if I did then it would be real. Everything that had happened for no reason and shouldn’t have but still did. If I answered him I would be denying both of us a chance to still live in a fantasy world where all was well and giddy.
“Donovan… is it true Liz? Please tell me, I can’t take it,” he whipped around and buried his face into my chest and cried. I was paralyzed at this point, I couldn’t move, I didn’t want to do anything but weep with him. One of us had to be strong though and I decided it had to be me. I cried earlier and now it was Alec’s time to cry.
“Yes. It is true,” I choked back the children of the tears which had already fallen. He wrapped his arms around my waist as his body weight dragged both him and me to the concrete. We felt alone even though we were both together.
What would Donovan have done in this time or questions and confusion?
I walked Alec home with him leaning against my shoulder and then I walked home alone with nothing supporting me but the will to tell everybody about my woeful tale to get the pity I so long deserved.
I opened my front door as it creaked on my last strand of sanity and then slowly strode to my parents. It seems they heard for we all fell in a heap on the floor and sniveled. Why were they crying? They disapproved of me dating Donovan from the start and now they were morning him.
I knew this would never stop. Somebody had to end the tears and confusion.
Maybe that somebody had to be me.
My dad picked me up and my mom stroked my hair as I lie in his arms sobbing for my dear Donovan. I was looking forward to being Mrs. Donovan Hunter and I couldn’t look to it anymore. His parents loved me even though sometimes, I must admit, I was distraught and laughed for no particular reason.
I wondered how Alec was doing. I loved him so much more now. He was the second closet thing to Donovan than my memories. My memories, all the humorous and romantic times I spent with Donovan were suddenly shadowed my that one night terror.
My dad put me on the couch and I laid there thinking about Donovan when suddenly the phone rang. My parents had both gone upstairs and were probably watching a movie so I swiftly made my way to the kitchen and answered the phone.
“Hello?” I asked meekly. I half hoped it was Donovan but then again I am sure everybody who loses somebody so great would think this as well.
“Hi, I don’t think you know me but I was hoping we could talk,” answered the voice. It was a girls voice. I only gave my number to two other girls and one was away and the other lost her voice from a terribly sore throat or something. Who was she?
“Darla?” I cowardly whispered through the phone. I could hear my own voice crack and I could hear my heartbeat rapidly.
After crying so hard and so long this was the one clue I needed. It took everybody a while but now I had a clue formed by tears.