Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » General


Lockdown, Chapter One

by Elizabeth


Chapter One:

Misfortune has Conspired

We reentered the school building. You could smell the lingering smoke throughout the hallways. Burning rubber made all the people gag on their own lungs as they passed to get to their next class. The firemen slowly cleared out after rolling the tub of disgusting back to its original position after being doused with water.

I just stood there. Looking.

Who would set a trashcan on fire? What purpose would this serve to them? What lesson have we been taught? What did we do? So many questions, so little time to answer.

The bell clanged loudly as I quickly dodged into my classroom, unnoticed by the teacher. I took my seat and laid my head on the pile of books I tossed onto my desk.

“Did you hear about the fire?” asked somebody. My ears pricked open as I eavesdropped.

“Only that somebody set the trashcan on fire.”

“I heard the teachers talking and they said any of the students who showed up late during this period are suspects or something.” Close call for me then, I was planning on lingering around the trashcan.

The teacher stood at the door and slammed it shut as everybody jumped up to full alert. He slowly walked to the front of the room, gazed at us with wearily angered eyes and announced a deep and thunderous, “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” we all replied in unison. I wasn’t sure if it was in fear for which we answered but all the same we did.

“As you all know, the incident concerning today’s fire shouldn’t interrupt with the fact that your writers notebooks are due,” he announced as he gently seated himself in his small child-sized desk in front of the grimy rug to which we all have become accustomed to.

A couple people sighed as they began to search for their writer’s notebook from under their desks. I took mine out with a straight face and glanced all around me. Everybody was shook up, I could tell.

After a strong lecture, due to the fact that barely anybody turned their notebooks in, we were let loose like a herd of stinking cattle to our next class.

I dreaded this next class. Algebra. I shuddered at the fact that the room would make anybody uncomfortably sad, it was the furthest from the heater and the windows were always shut and it was the middle of January. How much coldness could anybody endure?

"Hey look everybody, Andrew has done it again! He pissed his pants!" Mocking tones echoed through out the hallways. I

turned in my trail and watched. I didn't do anything, not like there was much to do anyway, because it was the way things were that made me realize that if I helped then I would be badgered. I couldn't bear it but I still forced myself to turn and walk closer to the action.

A boy tossed drinking fountain water at Andrews pants and made it look like he had indeed had an accident and the cackling grew louder.

Just when you thought this commotion would never clear up a teacher and hall monitor came and broke it up. They sent the boy on his way and took Andrew down to the nurse’s office. It looked like he needed a new pair of uniform pants as well as an icepack for his eye.

I headed to my classroom and took a seat.

“Attention all students, please head to the nearest exit without panic. I repeat, head to the nearest exit.” The words “without panic” had caused panic within me as I left all my things and followed a bunch of jabbering classmates out the door. It was freezing and I left my sweater in my locker.

There we stood, in collared white shirts and preppy black pants in the snow with our breaths soaring upwards. I rubbed my arms and walked in place as I waited for that lovely, yet horrid, sound of the teachers shouting to us that it is all right to head back into the building.

“Hey,” I turned around and came face to face with Sam, the absolutely repulsive chunk of human being ever to be brought up. He was handsome on the outside, I once even caught a peek of his abs and those were delicious, but inside he was a wretched old hag and was more jealous than an attention stricken child. I shuddered. Siren wails pierced the frozen air.

“What do you want?” I asked between clenched teeth.

“Heard there was another fire in the building. Pretty cool unless they burn up my locker, I got some pretty neat pictures of you naked in there.” I attempted to kick him, turn around and elbow him hard in the stomach but he moved out of the way and took my hands and constricted them.

“Whoa, take it easy, it was only a joke! God, you take things way to seriously, I wonder how your boyfriend can take you,” he cackled as he held his firm grip on my wrists.

“Never question my boyfriends actions or mine!”

“Why, are you going to dump his ass and get a nice good man like myself?”

“Don’t you ever quit?”

“Not until me and you get together for, say, a little ‘fun time’,” he laughed harder.

I kneed him in the crotch and stepped back as he fell to his knees, squeaking like a mouse, and people began to laugh at him. Know he knows the torment that Andrew has been having, I knew he loved to mock Andrew as well with his slime bucket of friends.

I sauntered away to leave that jerk alone and to look and see if my boyfriend was around or if any of my friends were there. I only had three friends anyway so I knew that the chances of me finding one of them were slim.

I slithered around and around people and I came across Alec, my boyfriend’s best friend.

“Hey, I saw you over there kicking Sam hard,” Alec smiled at me with a warmness that could only be expressed by song.

And I wouldn’t break into that, not now or ever.

“Why does everybody have to hate Donovan and I because we are together? It’s not fair,” I complained as I looked around. It had been a half an hour and we were still outside.

I loved seeing the little skinny girls huddle up against each another. Sam called it a lesbian orgy and nearly drooled on his shirt. I called it sad. After all, by my motto, it’s survival of the fattest.

“They are just jealous. Come on, when we get back inside we’ll write a letter to all the gabble headed dip-sticks who made you mad,” Alec smiled. I wish I could have had him. I wanted him more than I wanted Donovan, but they both must not know of my hidden fantasies.

Misfortune has conspired against the school two times in the day, and as we headed into the building after forty minutes we could see why they had forced us to get outside.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
22 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 22

Donate
Wed May 18, 2005 6:23 pm
bulletproof says...



Loved it liz .....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr .....sorry im in my own worl right now......yea!




Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 1160

Donate
Tue May 17, 2005 9:46 pm
Elizabeth says...



It's a girl narrarator lol. but still, and it's amazing i'm not even in high schol yet, i was using my middle school as a model and apparently it works!




User avatar
685 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 685

Donate
Tue May 17, 2005 2:21 pm
Rei wrote a review...



Kind of reminded me of what was happening in my school when I was in grade ten, and very believably. For a while, we were constantly having false fire alarms, and very minor things like trash cans. But when it happened at my school, there was a lot more confusion. I also loved the fact that one of the reasons your narrator doesn't like one of his classes because it's too cold. When I was in high school, we were always complaining about that, and I've never seen that in high school stories written by adults. All this really needs is to be heightened and slowed down just a little, plus a little work on the dialogue, and it could be really great.




User avatar
418 Reviews


Points: 5890
Reviews: 418

Donate
Sat May 14, 2005 3:25 am
electricbluemonkey wrote a review...



Hunter wrote:
BTW, love the boyfriend's name--so unique and sexy!


Yes it is, Hunter...yes it is...*Pats Hunter on back*. (j/k)

Wow, that was great TBR. It had great description, really. It was awesome. I could imagine and vizualize what was happening in the story. I think it has a lot of potential, and you should keep on it.

(Although you didnt in the end...)




User avatar
683 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 683

Donate
Sun Mar 13, 2005 8:15 pm
Emma says...



lol see what I mean?! :P

Im kidding btw




Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 1160

Donate
Sun Mar 13, 2005 3:24 pm
Elizabeth says...



RUIN?!?! FUNNY HUMOUR?!?!?! :gargles:




User avatar
683 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 683

Donate
Sun Mar 13, 2005 10:19 am
Emma says...



Okay Hunter.....

Its a good story, you have talent. At least you didn't ruin it with your 'funny' humor. Good work!




User avatar
576 Reviews


Points: 6371
Reviews: 576

Donate
Sun Mar 13, 2005 4:56 am
Ego says...



Wow, this was really well written Rose--I'm digging the whole Teenagers in High School drama-ness.

BTW, love the boyfriend's name--so unique and sexy!




User avatar
1259 Reviews


Points: 18178
Reviews: 1259

Donate
Sat Mar 12, 2005 11:08 pm
Firestarter says...



You seemed to have portrayed it across quite well, yes. It has good potential...it depends how the plot progresses, but for a first chapter this is a solid start.




Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 1160

Donate
Sat Mar 12, 2005 10:47 pm
Elizabeth says...



Ok I edited it as much as I could... thanks... otherwise was it good?




User avatar
1259 Reviews


Points: 18178
Reviews: 1259

Donate
Sat Mar 12, 2005 10:38 pm
Firestarter wrote a review...



What lesson has we been taught?


This is incorrect...you either meant, "What lesson has been taught?" or "What lesson have we been taught?", I think.

So many questions, so little time to answer for the bell clanged loudly as I quickly dodged into my classroom, unnoticed by the teacher. I took my seat and laid my head on the pile of books I tossed onto my desk.


The first sentence needs to be split, because it contains two very different ideas. The split should be made after "so little time to answer". Put a full stop there. Also, move this part - "So many questions, so little time to answer." up into the previous paragraph, as that's when it fits.

“I heard the teachers talking and they said that any of the students who show up late during this period are suspects or something.”


Incorrec tense used here. It should be "....any of the students who showed up late during....."

I shuddered at the fact that the room would make anybody shudder


I can see what you tried to do here, but it sounds so bad, like what I used to write when my vocabular consisted of four words. Change it. Also, I reckon you mean shiver, not shudder.

That's all I got up to so far. I'll do the rest later, and then cover it in more depth. These were just basic grammatical etc. mistakes, I'll do plot/dialogue/description later.




User avatar
172 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 172

Donate
Sat Mar 12, 2005 10:11 pm
Shadow Knight wrote a review...



At our school, things like trashcans get burnt ever now and then, it's no big deal really. Anyway, nice story, don't think i found any mistakes. Good Job

~~Shadow~Knight~~ :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:




User avatar
1258 Reviews


Points: 6090
Reviews: 1258

Donate
Sat Mar 12, 2005 8:48 pm
Sam wrote a review...



WOOHOOO!!!!!

Ok, one thing to say...this made me laugh so hard. You truly pay attention to the things in your school, don't you?

SURVIVAL OF THE FATTEST!!!!!

and of course...you just had to name the mean but extremely good looking person sam, didn't you? *runs fingers through hair*

And i thought Lux Middle was the only school that likes to burn weird things...guess not. DIE PINATA!

And there is no mention of the word 'frolicking' anywhere...yay!





I should infinitely prefer a book.
— Mary Bennet, Pride and Prejudice