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Lockdown, Chapter Four

by Elizabeth


Chapter Four:

Suspicions

My heart began to thump more wild than it had before, in fear or excitement.

“How did you get my number?” I groused. I wanted her to be afraid of me. I hoped she would become silent then hang up. I didn’t want to talk to her yet I was full of queries. I bet she knew a lot of the answers.

“Donovan gave it to me. I’m sorry, I know how you feel,” she sympathetically said. Well of course she knew how I felt. He probably kissed her as he did me. I was about to begin ranting about how much I hated her for asking Donovan out in the first place, because she knew that he was my boyfriend, but I didn’t yell at her. Instead I replied with a meekly demanding, “Why did you call me?”

She was probably stunned because I heard the phone drop. I heard her collect the receiver.

“Because… I just wanted to see if you were ok.” I wasn’t.

“Of course I am fine… this will just take some time getting over.” This would take a lot of time to get over. She was so full of hot air; there was something she was hiding. I knew she was but I didn’t say anything.

“Well, tomorrow, if you want to talk or anything…” her voice trailed off and I quickly interjected that I would talk to her if I needed anything and thanked her for calling. We hung up.

“Stupid,” I muttered after staring at the phone expecting her to call again and bawl to me about the loss of her precious Donovan. But he was mine! Not hers and she knew it, but did she know I knew it? And why did Donovan give her my number?

I went to sleep that night, hoping I would die and all the memories of tonight would just fade out from my thoughts.

I didn’t want to come to school today but I knew it wouldn’t’ do any good to just sit around watching television and eating chips until I was too fat to do anything but that. I went all dressed in black.

A black dress that showed of my every lumpy curve complete with a dark choker with a blood red rose in the middle. I tied my hair up with a black binder and looked at the mirror. I never wore makeup and today was no acceptation, even for Donovan. After all the numerous dates we have gone to he had never seen me in makeup.

My mom said she’d call the school before hand to make sure they knew I wasn’t wearing one of their revolting white polo shirts.

So I arrived, my dad dropped me off and behind me was Alec’s mom’s car. He came out and he was dressed in the traditional mourning color as well.

His light brown hair, flecked with strands of red and blonde, was slicked back over his forehead. Around his neck was a black bow tie. He wore a jet-black jacket over a white dress shirt. Completing the suit, he wore black slacks and finely polished black dress shoes. His face was wracked with sorrow; I could still see the tears from yesterday's memories stinging his every footstep. It looked like more of a formal tuxedo but I didn’t ask questions as we walked through the front doors. They never seemed so much larger and the hallways never seemed so empty before.

I waited while he got his things before we headed upstairs. I stood there looking out and scanning the locker across from his. It was Donovan’s locker. I turned back to Alec. He looked so gorgeous but I didn’t want to admit it. Not now. Not under these circumstances. I quickly jolted around and I saw them.

Sam and Darla.

Darla had her hands knitted in his as her ugly black high heels tapped faintly on the tiles of the hallway. She had sizzling orange hair that was tied with a black butterfly barrette. She wore black too. A black prom-like dress too unfit for this event. Sam on the other hand was dressed in the code uniform but he looked pretty pleased with himself for whatever he did.

Maybe he was proud that he had Darla in his hands and that they appeared inseparable. He gave me a smug look that said I should have gone with him when he asked me yesterday but it was too late. I said I would never dump Donovan for him and I never will.

As soon as Alec was ready we both lingered around the hallways before the first bell rang. Many people were staring at us. We looked as if we had just come from a wedding. Although we weren’t holding hands might’ve gotten the impression we were dating. It made me somewhat flattered yet queasy.

Our first hour was geography. I sat down next to an empty seat. I knew it would be empty so I didn’t look at it the entire hour. I couldn’t stand looking at the emptiness, it reminded me too much of the vacant areas in my heart. Alec sat on the other desk. It was parallel to Donovan’s desk and I looked at Alec’s side the entire time.

It was if he was a symbol of the greater future I would have and that maybe some day I will be able to let go. The empty desk was the thing that was holding me from that better future. It called for me to turn around, give up what I have been waiting for and stay in a heartbreaking status. If I looked right in front of me I was caught between the battles and would probably never end up doing anything therefore making my life monotonous. If I looked behind me it would be as if I was choosing my future based on past events.

The teacher walked in after patrolling the hallways and saw Alec and me not in uniform. It was a hard look, very confused with the hint of suspicion.

“Why are you out of uniform you two?” she scorned at our replies and said that nobody died yesterday. Maybe she wasn’t here or didn’t hear the news but somebody had indeed died. Not just any low life, scumbag who deserved it but an innocent, young boy who had all his goals listed by ever minute.

She sent me and Alec to the office to go get some decent clothing, although we didn’t need any, and as we walked I could feel that something was wrong again. We entered the door that said Nurse’s room and sat on a bench and waited while she tended one of her patients.

She called Alec up first as I continued to wait. I saw Andrew with an ice pack over his eye. It was the eye that was damaged yesterday and I was moderately surprised by the fact that he didn’t get an ice pack yesterday. I don’t know why but this bothered me a bit.

“Hey, how are you doing?” I asked as he directly in front of me.

”I’m fine, I just needed a pack for my eye,” he replied never turning to confront me. I felt as if wearing black had somewhat repelled everything and everyone away from me.

“Why didn’t you get one yesterday when Tony punched you?”

“Yesterday that was a different black eye. Sam did it this time. Tony got suspended after what happened with the water yesterday,” Andrew then darted out of the room before I could ask any more questions. It was then my turn to be called to change out of uniform but when I saw Alec with a note that said we could due to the consequences of yesterday we both headed back upstairs.

As we headed back upstairs to our classroom I spotted Andrew walking one way and I spotted Darla walking the other way. Darla looked at him with a suddenly seeable gleam in her eyes.

Have my suspicions ways gone way out of hand or did it seem to me she was a total flirt? I knew she had gone out with Donovan and only this morning I saw her with Sam and now this. I had my reasons to believe that something was up and I am pretty sure Alec had identical emotions.

Who was this Darla?


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User avatar
418 Reviews


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Reviews: 418

Donate
Sat May 14, 2005 3:44 am
electricbluemonkey wrote a review...



Yes, who was this Darla indeed.

Hmm, this was worse than the other ones, sorry. The description just isnt there anymore, and the plot is dying down. Its kinda beginning into a whole 'nother story. It still might have potential, but you should rewrite some stuff...




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172 Reviews


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Reviews: 172

Donate
Sun Mar 20, 2005 6:43 am
Shadow Knight says...



It's good TBR. No mistakes that hunter didn't find.




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1258 Reviews


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Donate
Sun Mar 13, 2005 11:09 pm
Sam says...



I do. Very much so. :D




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Donate
Sun Mar 13, 2005 11:07 pm
Elizabeth says...



DAMNIT that dowload I wanted only downloaded halfway....

Anyway ys I am having fun with this. Don't you like it as well?




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1258 Reviews


Points: 6090
Reviews: 1258

Donate
Sun Mar 13, 2005 11:02 pm
Sam says...



You're really having fun with this, aren't you? lol.

No mistakes that I found that Hunter didn't catch...no more comments, either.




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Donate
Sun Mar 13, 2005 7:39 pm
Elizabeth says...



thank you. it was very helpful actualy.... :searches chapter for more mistakes:




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576 Reviews


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Donate
Sun Mar 13, 2005 7:29 pm
Ego says...



okay, well....

I didn’t want to come to school today but I knew it wouldn’t’ do any good to just sit around watching television and eating chips until I was too fat to do anything but that. I went all dressed in black.


Here, when you say "today" it indicates that she is telling the story as it happens, or as it recently happened. From the tense so far, you're implying that she tells the story later in her life. It should probably read, "The following day I despised the thought of going to school," or something to that extent.


A black dress that showed of my every lumpy curve complete with a dark choker with a blood red rose in the middle. I tied my hair up with a black binder and looked at the mirror. I never wore makeup and today was no acceptation, even for Donovan. After all the numerous dates we have gone to he had never seen me in makeup.


The first sentence here is a fragment. You could say "I chose a black..." or "I wore a black..." but you need a verb in there somewhere.


I waited while he got his things before we headed upstairs. I stood there looking out and scanning the locker across from his. It was Donovan’s locker. I turned back to Alec. He looked so gorgeous but I didn’t want to admit it. Not now. Not under these circumstances. I quickly jolted around and I saw them.


This is just a style idea but if you want it to sound like she is still in Love with Donovan, you could say something like "I hated myself for thinking it, but Alec looked gorgeous at that moment."


So yeah, that's about it. I'm sure you can find other things in your own story--hope these help.

--Hunter




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Donate
Sun Mar 13, 2005 7:18 pm
Elizabeth says...



tense errors? What kinda of tense errors? HELP ME!!!

i got you, i made the same diolaug mistake on another work




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576 Reviews


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Reviews: 576

Donate
Sun Mar 13, 2005 7:13 pm
Ego wrote a review...



I've been noticing some tense errors in your writing...

Also, your dialogue sounds a little off. You should try to make it sound how someone would actually talk, not how you would write--even though you are writing it.

If that makes any sense.

That said, keep up the great work!





Always do what you are afraid to do.
— E. Lockhart, We Were Liars