Seventh Crown V

by Elijah, AutoPilot

Published April 30, 2016

In Seventh Crown

Do not read if you had not read the previous parts.

Seventh Crown V

~

The Queen took a deep breath and knocked on the door. It was so silent, that she thought he had left already. She made a split-second decision and opened the door to her father's study, "Father, are you in here? I have a question to ask you." 

She motioned for Cage to stay where he was outside the door, and walked into the room. She turned in circles a few times, trying to determine whether or not her father was really in the room. She spotted him napping in a chair, snoring quietly, "Father." She walked over to him, stood by the side of the chair, and gently shook her father's shoulder, "Father, wake up." He stirred in his sleep and his eyelids fluttered open,"Becca, is that you? Oh, it is. What's wrong, darling?"

"Father, I need your permission for something."

"Certainly. What is it that you need?" He sat up, rubbing his eyes, and yawning quite a bit.

"I have my duties as Queen to attend, you know, and I need your permission to travel. I need to go to the other lands to investigate an important matter. Will you please grant me permission?"

"Of course not! Why would I let my only child, my litte girl, go into strange lands alone?"

"Well that's just it, father. I have a potential companion but I want you to give your concent to letting him him accompany me first."

"Him?" Her father asked suspiciously,

"Yes, sir." Cage walked into the room without waiting to be and answered for Rebecca, "I have volunteered to go with her."

Her father was speechless for a moment, but finally found words, "Cage? Have you actually volunteered to go with her, or she has asked you and you have no choice but to accept?"

"I volunteered, sir," Cage held his ground, voice unwavering, stance proud. "This is my own decision, sir. I do not do it only because she had made me do it. "He smiled softly and looked to the formal King. "I see," He smiled back to Cage. "If you promise to look after her, as you had always done so willingly, I may accept."

Cage looked down to the floor. Soon after that, he looked up again towards the King and smiled to him.

"I promise to protect your daughter and never leave her side during this long journey. I will not break this promise, I stake my life on that." These words were enough to make the King stand up and shake Cage's hand, his face adorned with a wide smile, which could only mean he has decided to give the permission that Rebecca wanted so much. She could not express how happy she was. Her cheeks were still glowing with a redish tinge, she was still thinking about the warmth that Cages lips had left her with.

"When are you going to leave the kingdom? I do not think you need to rush too much, do you need to leave fast?" Edward, Rebecca's father, said before Cage and Rebecca could sneak out of the room.

"I was thinking of leaving tonight, father." Rebecca said hesitantly, worried that her father might revoke his permission.

"Tonight? Darling, think this through with me please. We need to plan everything still. What roads you will travel, how many guards shall accompany you. Not to mention you need to pack clothing and provisions. And I am still not really sure about this. It is a dangerous trip you have planned, is it really that neccasary, dear?"

"Yes, father, the trip is of utmost importance! And you need not send a huge troup of guards with me, I can not think of anyone else on this planet who is as protective and ready as Cage. Only he can come along with me, you know that I do not trust any other person more than him." She spoke out the deepest truth, it had been hidden in her mind for too long and it was relieving to let it out at long last. Even if Cage was there, listening to her speech, she was ready to announce that she wanted to be with him during this long period of time. Finally, they could be alone, and maybe talk about what was going on between them. Even if, she knew, that it is impossible for him to say these words, that she wants to hear from his mouth.

The words that had the power to change a lot.

I love you.

The unspoken phrase was like a whisper in her ears. She had nothing else to say to make her father allow their leaving. He was not going to let them go, at least not as soon as she hoped. She knew that her father just wants to make sure everything goes well; he is very overprotective of her. But she was already old enough to travel alone; the fact that she asked his permission was just curtesy. In his mind, Rebecca was still a sweet little girl who will never really grow up, but is is just because she is his little girl. Sometimes, she wished that she could be an innocent girl of ten again, she wished she could go back to when she did not have problems like diplomatic visits and armys to command.

"Dad, can we talk about this tomorrow?" Her father sighed wearily and nodded, it was getting late and he wanted to retire to his rooms. He waved his hand in dismissal and they exited the room. Upon closing the door, they made eye contact and Rebecca let out a tired sigh,

"Im sorry for involving you into this mess of mine, Cage. Thank you so much for promising my father your protection during this journey."

He did not want her thankful words, he did not reply but instead nodded his head and left. He made his way to his hidden room, he needed plenty of rest if he was going to be traveling tomorrow.

~

Under the ground, nothing could be heard, even his steps going down the stairs were muffled. Walking down the stairs, every step was worse than the last, the steps grew increasingly grimier the further down he traveled. At the bottom, the last couple of boards had all but rotted away, they almost fell apart when you stepped on them. When he reached the floor below, he looked around, taking in his surroundings. The whole underground area was huge, it was studded with supports placed strategicaly to prevent the ceiling from caving in. The floor was simple dirt with stones protruding here and there. The ceiling was made of beams that created the floor for the rooms above. The walls where dirt lined with stone, they were wet from water leaking and covered in mildew and mold.

The right side of the room was full of cages, almost like animals were being kept down here. But instead of domestic beasts, these cages were full of people. Men, women and children who had commited more dire crimes, they were held there until the judgment on their punishments had been decided. In the middle of the floor, there were posts hammered into the ground; rusted shackles were bolted to them to be clasped around the wrists of the poor, unfortunate souls, who were to beaten before their doom.

To the left there were rooms carved into the earth, the doors were wooden with hatches that opened like windows. He crossed the floor in a few quick strides to the room all the way to the left; it was his. He used to be a prisoner; he had been stashed in one of the cages after being beaten within an inch of his life. Then they discovered his abilities, they moved him to the dirt room he now lived in. After the queen had recruited him, he had been given the choice to move to a nice room up in the actual castle; but he had rejected the offer. He did not want to forget his trials and what he had done. 

-to be continued-

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
BrumalHunter
Review
BrumalHunter wrote a review Review · Jun 26, 2016

Salutations!

All right, so I know you asked not to review this if I haven't read the previous parts (which I haven't), but this was published in April. It's almost July. Many of your works are more than a month old and have been neglected for a Review Day already, so it needs to be rectified. Besides, I am aware of the astonishing number of unreviewed chapters in the Green Room, so I adapted my reviews accordingly. Instead of being confused about your plot and characters and potentially upsetting you because I said something I wouldn't have if I had read your previous chapters, I'll focus only on your writing. That way, I hope to provide a useful review despite blindly jumping in here.


The Queen took a deep breath and knocked on the door. It was so silent, that she thought he had left already. She made a split-second decision and opened the door to her father's study, "Father, are you in here? I have a question to ask you."

Before I get to the technical errors of this paragraph, I want to express my surprise at everything being centred. Virtually all the novels I've read were in Justified format, so are you sure you want to go with this?
♦ If "Queen" was used as a style while she was being addressed, such as in "Queen Anne Boleyn", or if it was part of a title, like "Queen of Scotland", the capitalisation would have been fine. As it stands, it simply refers to her royal status. Thus, it needs to be a lower case q.
♦ The conjunction "that" is almost never, if ever, preceded by a comma, especially in this case. In fact, the comma actually replaces "that" in the context. This is the example I use, but it is this way for all sentences.
♦ That comma should be a full stop (period, if you're American). If it had been used after what I call a dialogue modifier, like "she said", it would have been fine, but if the bit outside the dialogue can stand on its own, which is the case, it shouldn't be used.

"I volunteered, sir," Cage held his ground, voice unwavering, stance proud. "This is my own decision, sir. I do not do it only because she had made me do it. "He smiled softly and looked to the formal King. "I see," He smiled back to Cage. "If you promise to look after her, as you had always done so willingly, I may accept."

If a different character speaks, their dialogue is always introduced in a new paragraph. There simply is no exception to this rule.

And I am still not really sure about this. It is a dangerous trip you have planned, is it really that neccasary, dear?"

Besides using really in two consecutive sentences, which I always consider a taboo (repetition such as that can annoy readers, I've learned), the word "really" in itself contributes no worth to a sentence. If it was a character of a lower station, perhaps you could get away with it, but a king needs to be formal, especially in the presence of a subject (in fact, the imperial "we" is normally used).
♦ "Really" means the same as actually and genuinely. If you use it, it must therefore be in the same or similar contexts as those. It can be used as "very", but I share Mark Twain's opinion on the matter. I advise removing the first one.
♦ The second one you can keep, since the king is enquiring as to the truthfulness and accuracy of the statement, but "necessary" means the same as mandatory. Something either is necessary or it isn't. As a result, "that necessary" amounts to gobbledegook, and should therefore be eliminated.

Under the ground, nothing could be heard, even his steps going down the stairs were muffled.

I generally point out the incorrect use of a semi-colon, but in this case, it appears one is required instead. I say this because the comma before "even" can be replaced by a co-ordinating conjunction like "and" - semi-colons replace conjunctions, not commas.


I hope this has been of use to you, despite your request against this review's creation. May you have a pleasant review day, and my your works soon be freed from the Green Room's clutches.

~ Hunter

User avatar
Eros
Review
Eros wrote a review Review · Apr 30, 2016

Heya!

I am back!

Everything was written beautifully. Some nit-picky things are there, though.

Example:

"Yes, father, the trip is of utmost mportance!

Add 'i' in the last word.

He aved his hand in dismissal and they exited the room.

add 'w' in the second word.

Rest everything written awesome. I e-specially loved the way you have described those dungeons here. The way they were tied, bolted as you say, everything. I like this part too. It was superb.
xD

Elijah replied · Apr 30, 2016

I did not see these mistakes but looks like I will yell at my editor and myself.
Thanks.



pain is that feeling when you are feeling hurt, but it never goes away leaving me hurt. oh it hurts.
— Dragonthorn