I wrote this poem a family who lost their little girl just hours after she was born. I didn't know what to say to them or how to tell them how sorry I was for the loss of their baby so I just started writing. This is what came of it.
Fragrance of Heaven
The fragrance of Heaven grows sweeter to smell,
As those loved so dear have gone there to dwell.
***
The strains of their praise reach the ear with more ease.
A harmony of tongues caught on the breeze.
***
Seen through a glass darkly but it’s getting lighter,
As the desire for Heaven burns brighter and brighter.
***
More clear it becomes that this is not Home.
This earth where we labor, this plain where we roam.
***
No, home, oh Sweet Home, is that place without fears,
That land without sorrows, a palace without tears.
***
Heaven, the glories, far too many to list,
Where farewells are no more and goodbyes don’t exist.
Thanks for reading!
-DG
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello Dragongirl, I am here to leave you a review. First of all, let me say I thought this poem was amazing! I really enjoyed it. Secondly, you chose great words to describe the feelings. And thirdly, the rhyming was awesome. The only thing I can say as to something you could change... I'm not sure if this was a misspelling or if this is the way you wanted it. In the stanza before last, where it says: "That land without sorrows, a palace without tears." I think it would fit in better to simply say "That land without sorrows, a place without tears." Anyway, great work!
-B
Hey There! Thought I'd leave a review for this lovely poem you wrote.
First and Foremost: Your title is what drew me in. It's beautiful and expresses the core meaning of the overall poem, so great choice!
Secondly: I was almost brought to tears when I read the last two lines, "Heaven, the glories, far too many to list. Where farewells are no more and goodbyes don’t exist."
Just the meaning that those lines carry, fills me with joy. The two lines above this one, are just as meaningful. Without fears & tears, so true.
Also, I wanted to point out that your first two lines are an excellent start to the poem. The first line really sets the rest up for great rhythm and flow. I happen to think the second like sounds smooth(I saw someone thought it didn't, so wanted you to know not everyone has the same opinions.)
So, overall, you wrote an excellent poem with great rhythm and flow, while maintaining the true meaning of the poem throughout. You did a very good job. A few suggestions that other's may have pointed out may help, but I don't see anything majorly in need of changing/correcting.
(I wanted to add, It's very sad about the family who lost their baby, and the fact that it brought this poem out of you, means that your a sentimental and straight out good person who can take something bad, and write it down in beautiful words.)
Keep writing,
~Nora
This review is all opinion here obviously; you should choose to take and leave what you want to.
long story short; the first line is awesome and the second has much to be desired. The first line is really setting the rhythm of the piece, but you leave that rhythm altogether. You start with some alteration and leave it on the second line so it sounds a bit awkward.
You are comparing to what exactly? More ease then what?
This is unique and I like it alot. The imagery is pretty good but it could be said in less words.
Darkly? Why not just say through a dark glass getting brighter? Whats the point in saying something weird if it's not doing anything for the poem?
fluff. I'm not saying you don't need the metaphor (or literal) of the glass and heaven but it is worded badly and it takes up more words then it should.
This is worded well and it has a ton of content. I like it personally.
The stop of the period here interrupts your rhythm, i feel like this should be one sentence anyways.
BOOM *appears in a dramatic flash of smoke*
I think you did this very well. Your imagery is very beautiful, and you get the right tone across. Only two nitpicks:
"Through a glass darkly but it’s getting lighter," This is a fragment and it doesn't make sense. I think you accidentally left the subject out of the sentence
"No, home, oh, Sweet Home, is that place without fears," There's one or two more commas than are needed in the beginning of that line. I'm not exactly sure how it would be fixed, since a lot of the choices in this poem are very stylistic, but it does need to be fixed. The extra pauses interrupt the flow and make it harder to read.
I think you just need to go back and proofread aloud, and you'll notice any other small mistakes- you know, interruptions in the flow and rhythm that could easily be fixed by changing a word or replacing a punctuation sign.
Your title is a very nice choice, in my opinion- it's relevant and it draws the reader in, giving a hint of the beauty and emotion contained. Great job on that! The people who this was written for are lucky to have you on their side. I hope this makes them feel better, because just reading it makes me happier.
Thank you for that, and as always, keep writing!
-ladcat13
Hey Dragongirl!!,
This is very nice...well, as nice as this sort of thing can be. I got the sense that you tried to take the bad thing and explain it as well as try to make it good....in a way.
I really liked this. The only minor problem I had with this was "That land without sorrows, a palace without tears." Did you mean place? Well, anyway, it's perfect.
I really loved this!! Once again, it was great!
I also think that since this came from a personal event that it was even more sentimental that way. Great job!!
Keep writing!!,
~Tiff