Kill Shot
The chains clicked and rattled as I hung from the cuffs attached to a pipe sticking out of the ceiling. The cuts on my face stung from hours of torture and my head spun from the loss of blood. The incessant ringing in my ears was giving me a headache that was promising to bring a whole other world of hurt. I had already determined there was no way out without cutting off my hands, which was impossible anyway because I was alone in an empty room probably miles away from anything sharp. I huffed. After what seemed like hours but was probably just a few minutes the door swung open.
“Come back for more?” I asked the man that was my captor. He smiled in a way that implied joy was not part of that expression. He cracked his knuckles as his friend came in behind him. I nicknamed them Idiot One and Smartass Two.
Idiot One swung and hit me square in the face. As my head flung back I spat out the blood pouring out from my gums and teeth.
“You should really just surrender,” Smartass Two kicked me in the shin. “I have the upper hand here and if you back away now I’ll let you live.” With that Idiot One did an intricate kick and punch. I’m proud of him; that was a first. “You know, this isn’t looking good for you.” Smartass Two chuckled and proceeded to lay into me. Coughing and spitting out blood I wheezed and tried to get precious air to my burning lungs.
“You want me to tell you a secret?” I whispered to Idiot One. His eyes widened and he grinned at Smartass Two. Idiot One leaned in close trying to get my valuable information.
“You know, I think he likes you” I spat at him. He yanked his head back in shocked anger. “I think you have a real shot!” I yelled at him smiling and he punched me about five times – I wasn’t really sure because with every punch time seemed to be slipping away from me.
“It’s okay to be gay, lots of people are.” Idiot One’s anger meter rose about ten degrees and Smartass Two started to look concerned.
“Two boys sittin’ in a tree, K – I – S – S – I – N-” with that Idiot One finally pulled out his gun and had his finger on the trigger. Pull it, please pull it, I thought.
Smartass Two finally decided to do something about what was happening. He grabbed the gun out of Idiot One’s hands and started to yell at him.
“You idiot!” Well, I already knew that, “She just wants you to kill her so she doesn’t give us the information, Fool! Shooting would mean she wins! Now shut up and get out.” Idiot One glared at Smartass Two and turned on his heels and left. Smartass Two gave me an expression between a glower and a grin.
“I know what you’re trying to do here.” Smartass Two said.
“Really? Good, give up and spare your life.” He chuckled and left.
Well, that plan failed but maybe if I get them to turn on each other? Or, maybe, we could all be friends and then we can share a banana split and sing horrible off-key Christmas songs. Yeah, that’ll work.
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Canary word: Present
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137,849 Literary Works • 672,067 Reviews
Hey! Forever here with a review!!
This was more of a scene than a short story but I really enjoyed reading it. You presented us with a great mystery which remained unsolved in the story.
Well, I am not going to say that I understood the story very clearly because there were a lot of elements which weren't very clear to me but yes, the story evoked a lot of interest inside me. I liked the use of stylistic language in the story. The first line was a great start to the story and hooked me right away from the very beginning.
I do wonder if there could be any other title to the piece. To me it feels like the present title isn't the best one. To some extent it is related to the story, it's true but not as much as I want it to be. To be very honest, I was expecting something different when I opened the story and saw the title.
The nicknames were pretty creative I have to say. That helped the readers to understand the characters without knowing their names. Very smart idea! Talking about the characters, you managed to portray the characters quite well. Even in this tiny story, we get to show some definite character traits of the three character involved in the story.
I don't know what secret they are really trying to know from the lady but seems like th secret is quite an important one and the lady is not going to reveal it at any cost. This indeed presents a great mystery to us. I would really love to see the story continue and see where it goes. It felt like the start ofa novel evoking interest in the readers but the readers never really got any answer to their questions.
Keep Writing!!
~Forever
Hi Djinn,
Mailice here with a short review!
This was a short story of a different kind. At first glance it seems more like a mystery genre than a horror genre, nevertheless, I enjoyed the story.
Some points that I really enjoyed reading was how your writing style remained fluid and constant, accommodating every situation with good description. I especially liked this description here:
At some points you were a bit harsh and yet it had such a positive effect on the main character, where I was later surprised that the prisoner was a woman. The rough way in which you portrayed the characters gave them all an individual character trait and therefore made them different and comprehensible in many parts. I thought it was good that they were given such nicknames, also from the writing style, so that the reader could better distinguish between the two.
You start with a good atmosphere by describing everything great and towards the end, it shows that more and more questions arise (hence the mystery genre, instead of the horror genre), because as a reader I would like to know how it happened. Is the prisoner a thief or a good one? You're building up a big mystery with this, and I'd like to solve it.
I can't criticise very much, except that I really miss some answers. But otherwise everything turned out well and great and think that this could certainly be just the beginning of a short novel.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Ohhhh....I want to read more!MORE!!!!!Must read more of this awesomeness! can you continue it?!Please!!!!