I'd like everyone's opinion on whether I should continue this into a short story or to just ditch the idea. I hope you like it. I had a lot of fun thinking it up. Here it is:
Human beings are sheep.
I was a girl when I first experienced my ability. The ease of persuasion, the effortless push toward what I wanted. It came naturally. I had two friends. They, at the time, were participating in a Secret Santa gift giving tradition. One of them got the other person’s name and wanted to know her favorite princess without them knowing it was for Secret Santa. Of course, I immediately forgot to ask several days in a row, but never mind that. When the day before the party came and my friend approached me again with the request I groaned remembering I had promised to ask. I turned on my heels and wanted to get it over with.
“My favorite princess is Aurora.” I announced to the vicinity near where my other friend was standing. She, hearing this, spun around and having no one to talk to joined my conversation.
“My favorite princess is Kida.” And there was the answer to the question I didn’t ask. It was small, I know, but significant to my realization that everyone wants to share everything. No one wants to be alone and certainly everyone wants to think that they are unique.
Since then I’ve cultivated my ability. There was a point when others confessed my genius but my opinion stands that others are just…not smart. I’ve even found others like myself. Those that found an over whelming capability to do stuff. The first was a girl several years older than me at the time. Her abilities had shown when she was even younger than I and had already learned a lot in her field by the time I found her. I called her Wizard. Had any question to ask, any person to find, or any virus to stop slowing down a computer and she was the girl. I believe it was in her sophomore year in high school when she sold her first program to Microsoft. Of course, her real abilities weren’t in computer programming, but in hacking. Sometimes it might take a while but in the end, justice was served. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves now, aren’t we?
There was really only one other person like myself and the Wizard. She was amazing. I hadn’t known it but she was my best friend since childhood and has always been by my side and I hadn’t even noticed that she was so like me. She’s a really good fighter but that’s not her real talent. Her real talent hasn’t fully developed but it does have the potential. She can see, talk to, and influence spirits. I’m talking about ghosts, spooks, phantoms, shades; you name it, she’s seen it. Though it can’t be relied on yet until her abilities strengthen which could be any number of years. Right now, she’s a good fighter and excellent flirt. Woe to the one who passes her fancy.
But enough of the small talk, this is about sheep. Human sheep to be specific. Like I said, people are herded. They have boundaries and limitations and breaking points like any other animal. Sometimes it’s beneficial to break someone, like a horse. Sometimes you just have to know where they are headed, like a flock of birds. Most of the time they can be manipulated.
Like sheep.
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Canary word: Present
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,619 Reviews
Greetings!,
Quite an interesting piece indeed.
This hooked me in. I love this line because it's quite off-beat and has that bizarre complexion to it.
The prose is lucid and neat. The plot is interesting too.
I adore the part where the narrator gets her acquaintance to spill out her favorite princess.
But after that I feel there wasn't much to be impressed at. I don't get to know why the protagonist thinks she's special or why people had proclaimed that she was a "genius".
I doubt that this-- was the narrators powers. Because the other girls seem to have a more traditional super powers.
That is my only problem with it. I'm sure this is so because this is yet unfinished. Please finish it. And when you do it; end it like the ending you gave here which looks perfectly compact.
Keep writing,
Puck
Sheep!!
And if you'd like another review later on, go ahead and message me.
I felt inclined to review this because of the title. What can I say? xD
I think you have a great idea here and I would love to see you develop it further. Though it's a bit confusing right now, and because you skip over a lot of the details, I'd encourage you to take this prologue idea and rewrite it, fleshing it out into a full chapter length.
Who doesn't love girls with magical powers/abilities? x)
Anyway, I like how you mentioned the older girl and the best friend who had powers as well. Too often are there stories where the main character is always 'the youngest superhero' or 'the prettiest' or whatever it may be. By creating the Wizard and that other girl, you show us that not only are there other girls just like her, but they might even be more powerful than your main character. And that's more interesting to me!
Now, I think you need to spend more time explaining these said powers. Are they really supernatural, or are these people just super-intelligent? I was confused at the beginning when you told the story about the main character getting that chick to tell us her favorite princess... I didn't understand why she was able to do that or what the point was really.
Well, to answer your question, yes! Continue this, by all means
Thanks!