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Robbed

by Djinn


Spoiler: In the words of Kurt Vonnegut: "All this happened, more or less."

Robbed

The sirens blared in the back ground making an odd music timed to the beating in my head. I stood in shock as officers walked through my house taking pictures of every detail. My dad was on the phone with my mom who was coming home early because of what happened. I slowly turn away and run upstairs to my room. The police had finished up in there and had left mud prints all on the blue out-dated carpet. I walk to the little round table in the middle of my room and slowly lift the lid of my jewelry box and stare at the sparse desert of what the thief didn’t take. It wasn’t much that was left untouched. A few costume rings and my grandmother’s pearls – which was surprising because they were real. The thief must have not bothered or maybe thought they weren’t real. I felt empty inside and wanted to go right up to the thief and demand my stuff back. I knew who it was. I’m sure my parents are ignorant, but I know. I heard the police woman down stairs explain to my dad that they didn’t get any finger prints and it wasn’t hopeful to begin with – it’s not what it’s like on TV. I know who it is but the police say they can’t do anything about it without proof.

Proof?

Who needs proof when you’re a speaker for the Thieves’ Guild?

The rush of noise as the crowd settled in their chairs behind the thick black sheets hanging from the ceiling to conceal their identities floated to my ears. The visitor will be here soon. As the silence grew the anticipation in the air grew heavy and wet as if we were in a swimming pool at the bottom of the deep end. My breath was catching as I waited. Soon the door opened and a girl with a black hood over her face was pushed into the room ahead of a stone faced guard. The man pulled the girl to the center of the room and pushed her into a chair ripping off her hood. I sneered. The moment has come and I am exalting. The girl’s eyes scan the room. She looks like a mouse. I call her girl not because of her appearance, which is 35, but because of her inexperience and child-like mentality. Her eyes fall on me and go wide.

“M-Mckenzie? Is that you? What’s going on? What’s happening?” she squeaks out.

I take a deep breath before starting, enjoying the moment.

“I am the speaker for the Thieves’ Guild and you are here for your trial. Do you know what you did?” I ask pretentiously.

Her eyes shift away as realization strikes her. She does not answer.

“You are accused of independent thievery, entry without consent of the Guild, and the defilement of a member’s house. If you are found guilty you will be punished severely. Are you ready to begin?” The question was for the members behind the curtains but evidently the girl took as time to defend herself.

“R-really – I didn’t mean anything by it! I-I just need money! Please, I’ll give you your stuff back if only-”

“Enough.” I was sick of her petty squabbling and the members agreed they were ready to begin. “State your name, offender.”

She hesitated for a second before speaking. “Lacey Clearwater,”

I nodded. “State what happened on February fifteenth between seven thirty in the morning and four in the afternoon.”

“I-” she stopped. “I want a lawyer.”

A hush fell over the room and several seconds passed by as the people tried to determine if she was serious or not. Soon a laugh erupted from behind one of the curtains and spread like cancer everywhere else. I chuckled and soon the laughter died away. I cleared my throat.

“The defendant has spoken, time for the verdict. Those against punishment speak now.”

The room was silent as Lacey Clearwater whimpered in her chair. A minuet passed by and no one spoke.

“The silence has spoken volumes. You have been tried and been found guilty of all charges and shall be punished by removal of hands.”

A shriek jumped out of Lacey’s mouth and started yelling obscene things as she struggled to get away and the guard effortlessly holding her in her chair.

“You bitch! I never liked you anyway! You’re crazy! You’re all crazy! You can’t do this! Let me go!”

I sneered. “The enforcer shall be here any minute. I would stay calm and not move, otherwise the cut might be a little too sloppy and you could bleed out. Meanwhile, I’ll invite the members to join me in our refreshment room as we await our entertainment tonight.”

I couldn’t control myself from smiling. My friends and I left the room with the girl still screaming and begging and doing anything she could to get away. Here in the Thieves Guild we frown on independent thievery and strongly discourage it. Though, I have to say, I wouldn’t mind catching her again and seeing what we could cut off before she died. Again, I couldn’t help but smile.


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350 Reviews


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Thu Sep 23, 2021 3:54 pm
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Well, this was quite an interesting story. I admit I was confused at certain points and could not understand what was going on. Anyways, let's get on with the review!

I really liked the tension you have created from the very first sentence. Your first paragraph was extremely well done, and I could imagine the scene of the robbery very well. You have created this sense of foreboding from the very start, especially with the narrator stating that she knows who did this, and I just knew that this wasn't your average story of a robbery. There was something going on here, something I couldn't see or understand. The way you build the scenes and your descriptive settings added to the thrill and suspense of the story. You did well in that department.

Who needs proof when you’re a speaker for the Thieves’ Guild?

I will have to say though, the part after this sentence came off as a bit too abrupt for me. The scene changed without any warning and we were taken to a totally different setting. There is a transition there that is missing.

It makes us wonder if the scene is real or actually taking place in the narrator's imagination. You should clear this up for the readers, especially because Forever too has the same doubt.

To be honest, the verdict seemed to be a little too harsh to me. Which also made me realize that this is not an ordinary organization. It explained why the narrator was so sure that she knew who had robbed their house, but the ending made me feel as if she took some form of sadistic pleasure in the girl's punishment. And even if that's all in her imagination, the unhealthy nature of her thoughts makes me wonder about her mental status. It was a little jarring to read.

Another thing I noticed was the tense. You started in the past, then switched to the present in the third or fourth sentence and then again you switched back to the past tense in the following paragraph. These inconsistencies make it difficult for the readers to understand when the story is taking place. So you should choose a single tense and try to stick to it.

That's all!

Overall, this made for a confusing, and yet thrilling read!

Keep writing and have a great day!




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Wed Sep 22, 2021 12:28 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Heyy!! Forever here with a short review!!

Okay, it was confusing bit still quite a good short story. While reading this, I had a feeling that thid was some sort of drama going on or a person was imagining all these. For some reason or the other, it doesn't feel very real. I still don't know why. Let's get into the review now.

First of all, the scene feels very real, just like a robbery had taken place and its consequences were going on. However, there was what felt like a very sufden switch from reality to unreality and I guess the person started imagining things. Otherwise, how will the crowd settle in the chairs and seems like a court scene is taking place. I am really confused about what exactly was happening.

Now the narrator knows that the girl did the crime but I wonder why they didn't stop her from doing it. Also it seems like the narrator belongs to an organization of thieves who robs in a group. That is quite intriguing. Robbery from the house of a robber. Also the gield seems to have a rule that no member of the group can rob singularly and if that is done, the person will be severely punished.

I liked how you portrayed the emotions of the girl during all these happenings. She seems to be in desperate need of money and can even break the rules to do it. I wonder why she confessed it so easily and also how the narrator knew that she was the criminal.

Now if I want to draw a relation between the first and the second part as I told, I do think thag it will be extraordinarily stupid of them to hand the girl over to the police. The first thing the girl will do is to reveal the group.

The narrator seems to be a bit too cruel, I think. Like cutting the hands of a person and torturing them is just against humanity.... And also nothing seemed to be forceful as they were smiling. Still, I am not very sure of what took place in the story.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever





i, too, use desk chairs for harm and harm alone
— Vincian