z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Dreaded Dinner Party Chapter 14

by Dest


Chapter Fourteen

Curi glanced at the talkative little girl and voiced her question. “Vamauri, you wouldn't happen to know the way to the adult's party, would you?” Curi asked.

Vamauri made a big show of waving her arms to the left.“Yeah! You have to take a left at the bathroom. That's the way my daddy showed me.”

Curi was glad that she hadn’t underestimated the girl’s knowledge, granted Vamauri was correct. For all she knew, the child could have mistaken left for right.

She backed away from the darkly colored couch and stretched.“Hey, I'll be back a little later. You all play nice, okay.”

“Your leaving?” Vamauri whimpered. “No one will pay with me, and Zebity's too little to do anything right!” Her gray eyes had all the murky depth of a brimming tantrum.

Curi tried to soothe her. “Hey now, I said I will come back. If you want I can bring you a biscuit or something,” she called over her shoulder, shrugged on her backpack, and walked out of the playroom.

“Fine! I whether pay with Woofman!” Vamauri huffed, getting an attitude though Curi hadn't heard.

The two brunette boys perked up at the sound of “Woofman.”

“Whaa! Wolfeman's coming? He's seriously the coolest!” One of the boys said, finally showing some interest in something other than his game.

------

Curi ducked down the long corridors, faintly noticing the magenta fish patterned carpet. She looked over her shoulder once to make sure none of the little kid brigade had followed her. Trailing her hand down the stairway rail as she walked down, felt smooth to her touch.

Having found the main party, Curi weaved through different groups of adults congregating together. She could hear the random murmurs and conversations clearly, as there was no music playing to drown it out. The Digis had separated the children into one room and had servers giving prescribed portions of food on mini plates to guests. Curi couldn't say the party was boring just that it was different from any of her parents' parties.

She reached her hand out for a particular fluffed and golden biscuit off the plate from a moving waiter, but she was surprised when he purposefully moved away from her.

“Waiter,” she caught his attention. He tapped his foot impatiently despite no one else clamoring for his attention. “May I have a biscuit?”

“These are for actual guests, not children,” he said rather rudely. He gave her a quick bow to keep up the appearance of politeness and whisked away to another room.

Curi bit her lip in annoyance. Whatever. She was here to give the Digi couple a piece of her mind anyway. She could get the biscuit later when this waiter went on break.

Mrs. Digi was engulfed in a conversation, wine glasses and all, and didn't seem like she would finish anytime soon. Curi decided it would be better to find her husband instead. Her eyes searched for Mr. Digi, an older man in a business suit.

“Mr. Digi!” Curi called. A few people glanced at her, but she made herself continue to call for his attention. He held a glass of water to his mustached lips. He wore a simple gray suit and had a group of men gathered around him.

As she approached, Mr. Digi’s eyes became narrower. Dang! He already looks like he’s in a bad mood!

“Child, what do you want with me?” He announced loudly and the men with him stopped chatting at once.

She hadn't expected to be put on the spot but went ahead with what she wanted to say.

“Good evening Mr. Digi, I wanted to ask you what has caused some of your aggression towards my parents.” She frowned. “I saw your interview on the news.”

He drank his water, as if it were a shot glass, and gave her a look of disdain. If he didn't fund so many foster homes and children's' charities, Curi would figure he hated the youth. Maybe he viewed young people like her as nuisances that he could throw money at to go away?

Mr. Digi scratched his upper lip.“Normally, children, who should stay in a child's place, do not care about the affairs of their parents.”

“Ehh,” Curi shrugged. “Maybe it's because I am home-schooled, but I am closer to my parents than most teens.”

“Who sent you here, Sierra, that ol' bat?” Mr. Digi squinted at her.

“No, she did not,” Curi said, not at all surprised at how he referred to his wife. “If you aren't going to tell me why then I am asking you to please stop the slander. My parents have been nothing but nice to you even with your antics.”

His face contorted into an expression that Curi could only describe as someone who smelled something unpleasant. The men around him were still silent as statues and sipped their drinks without noise.

“Child, go back to the children's room where you belong!” He grabbed her wrist tightly, ready to shoo her upstairs. He probably intended on making her stay there until the party finished.

“Eek!” Curi shrieked. Her free arm couldn't pull her wrist from his grip. She threw her caught arm in a circular motion to lose Digi's hold, the one move she had remembered from a free taekwondo class. She rubbed her wrist, feeling disgusted with the business man. She was glad to be in an open area, the living room. He wasn't going to shut her up!

She looked back at the group of men who had made no move or rebuttal at how he man-handled her. Could they even make a move without Mr. Digi’s approval? Just because he probably wrote their checks didn't mean they had to excuse his behavior. It surprised her that no one else had noticed the minor altercation, or maybe they just did not want to confront the old man? If her parents had seen him, they would have made Mr. Digi repent for the old and the new.

“Don't touch me!” she hissed. “Why are you trashing the Andrews’ name?”

He hissed into her ear. “We made your parents! Those parties were the perfect way for us to network and build business connections! They don't get the right to take that away from us!”

“What?” Curi sputtered, still rubbing her wrist. “Then throw your own party like you are doing now! You don't have any valuable reason to be mad.” She mocked his logic. “Too bad your counseling made you miss a business deal with Wolfeman Corporations. So, what? Maybe it wasn't meant to be!”

She knew she had picked the wrong choice of words at the sight of Mr. Digi's wrinkled forehead. Mentioning the failed Wolfeman deal had done her in, and this time she wasn't able to escape his grip. He took her upstairs under the ruse of her being a disobedient teen who needed to be housed elsewhere, so no one paid him any mind.

-----

“Hi!” Vamauri had cheered, squishing her chubby cheeks. Zebity and she sat oblivious next to a fuming Curi on the couch since the brunette boys had moved to the floor. “Where's my biscuit?”

Curi rubbed her wrist. She didn’t feel like talking. “Sorry. I wasn't able to get you one. The waiter was being mean.”

“Aw, that's okay. I was mad but not anymore! My big bwudda came to pay with me.”

“Huh? That's good,” Curi murmured, not really listening. She pulled her set of car keys out of her backpack, ready to wait in the family car. The thought of Mr. Digi just made her stomach turn. He couldn't physically keep her in this room without a lock and key.

“I think you would like him, but he's not actually my bwudda. He's one of my daddy's friends. He always brings me stuff from different places too!”

“Mmmm,” Curi mumbled, letting the girl ramble on. Zebity interrupted with a squeal every now and then. The other three little kids who had been in the playroom were gone.

“Awnd, he's swuper hwairy!” Vamauri continued.

“Hey, what happened to the other kids that were here with you?” Curi asked, a stab of panic going through her. Technically, she should have been watching them.

“My bwudda took them to their mommies and daddies, and he should be back now!”

A knock at the door caused a pause for Vamauri’s rambling mouth. The little girl whose speech was coated with W’s rushed to open the door with a burst of speed. Two men stood in the doorway, and the one that resembled Vamauri blocked the other from Curi's view.

“Hi Woofman! Hi dwaddy!” she squeaked and wrapped herself around her father's pants' leg.

“Vamauri-child, what did I tell you about closing this door?” an all too familiar smooth voice said. Vamauri only smiled, being carried away by her father.

“Wolfeman,” Curi gaped, her eyes widening.

“Ah, how are you, Curi-dear?” A ridiculously smug grin appeared on his face. “Cat got your tongue and several other useful organs?

------------------------

Yay! Two chapters left! :D


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Sun Jun 25, 2017 11:41 am
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Nearly there...

Nit-picks:

getting an attitude though Curi hadn't heard.

Curi didn't hear the attitude? Then how did she know to relate it to us?

Trailing her hand down the stairway rail as she walked down, felt smooth to her touch.

Don't need that comma.

Curi couldn't say the party was boring just that it was different from any of her parents' parties.

In what way?

These are for actual guests, not children,

Why does he care so much?

So, what?

Don't need that comma.

She pulled her set of car keys out of her backpack

Why does she have car keys? Even most non-sheltered teens don't have car keys.

Overall:

Character: Seriously, more of Digis earlier. This is great stuff that you could have been using throughout. You also did the kids really well. I enjoyed the interactions with them. I do think I need more explanation about the businesspeople. It's not immediately obvious why they should be in the Digis' pocket. Or at least, it hasn't been before I saw their mansion, so it was unclear how they were getting away with so much stuff.

Setting: Maybe something about the atmosphere of the party. Also I'd have her check her parents and Taveo aren't around when she confronts Mr Digi. She seems to want to be secretive about it.

Plot: This is getting really fast paced and I'm really enjoying it. Wolfemann is becoming more of a dick every time I see him and it's been a fairly good evolution. I still think you should have hinted at it earlier, but getting from the chapter where she found him in the office to here has been good. I'm not sure I understand why the Digis seem to hate children so much. That seems a bit random.

Flow: Language ok, length fine.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




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Fri Jun 23, 2017 3:12 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



Hi there!

Wow, so I think your writing in this chapter really improved over previous chapters. There were fewer grammar and punctuation mistakes (or at least I felt like there were, I obviously don't really bother with them in my reviews most of the time), plus your pacing was better. The scenes weren't as dialogue heavy, and you did a better job setting up the scene (description/narration). So this chapter represents a vast improvement over the prior ones. Awesome!

I think you should write Vamauri's dialogue like normal, though. I know you wanted her to sound little kiddish, so you substituted Ws for all her Rs. But it just made her dialogue difficult to read, especially because she had so much of it! You can just write her dialogue like normal - we know she's a kid, and she says kid things like "but [sibling] is too little to play with me, she can't do anything right!" Plus you can show her age by her actions - maybe a declaration like that is accompanied by the stamp of a foot or something equally immature.

Also, I still don't quite get Digi's reasons for doing all the stuff he's doing - for putting himself at risk of getting in trouble for slander and endangering his reputation for no real reason - but it didn't bother me as much in this chapter. I think it helps that Curi doesn't understand his motivation either, even when he explains it, so we're all kind of on the same page.

Image




Dest says...


Hi, thanks for the review. I'm glad you think the writing has improved.




Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief