z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Dreaded Dinner Party Chapter 9 pt. 1

by Dest


Chapter Nine

There had been a few more mishaps during the party by the hand of Wolfeman. He had revealed someone's house foreclosure, accused another nurse of stealing a baby, and stole the dessert. Where he had hidden it, Curi did not know.

She knew she had to put a stop to him. The party-goers maneuvered through the drama well, but that didn't mean their feedback would be positive. What if they dragged the Andrews party through the mud so badly that no one came to the next one? She didn't want her parents to get hurt because they genuinely loved hosting parties.

Taking a note out of Toki's book, she confronted Wolfeman. He crunched on the last remains of an apple and twirled the stem in his hand. Curi glared at him, her patience running thin. He had some nerve!

“Oh, don't start with me. I was going to throw the apple into the trash. I am an ex-traveler, not a litterer,” he pointed out, pseudo-indignant.

The man slouched against the wall, content to be near the snack table forever.

“Mister Wolfeman! What's up with you? You have been a nuisance all night. Always in someone's face trying to start drama!” Curi said, loud enough for him to know she was upset but not too much to cause a scene.

Wolfeman's eyes darted elsewhere. He scratched the side of his face, giving Curi a clear look at his sharp jawline.

“Wolfeman!” She tried her best to calm down. She couldn't berate Toki if she did the same thing. “For real, be honest with me.”

The intensity in her words died down and her voice became quieter. “You are such a great traveler, why have you turned to this, a drama-starter?”

“I am bored,” he told her calmly with no hesitation.

She repeated. “Bored?” Her face twisted in confusion.

“I am so bored, Curi. You have such joyous people and opportunity around you I would hope you haven't experienced it,” he groaned.

“Everyone gets bored, Mister Wolfeman. No excuses, play board games, read books, or play apps on your phone if you're savvy enough.”

“I am bored in life, Curi. I have had a hard upbringing.”

“What do you mean- “

He interrupted her, “I am an illegitimate child my mother had from a married rich man. She got nothing afterward, but I got the last name.”

“Oh,” Curi breathed. She had no idea how to reply. She always wanted another travel story from him, but here she was getting his backstory.

“Mr. Wolfeman, my father, and a successful businessman paid for me to be brought back to the states when I traveled to the Netherlands. It's too much for me to do something I enjoy so, of course, I must be forced into the family business,” he scoffed sarcastically.

“He's even gone as far to persuade the Digis’ to house me. I have no permanent home, and my love is no one but the journey itself. I have been forced to take a desk job, and the only thing he has not done is take away my hoodie.”

Curi’s eyes widened. “I…I understand, Wolfeman but what's making you comply?” She still felt angry at him for his mischief, but she did feel sympathy too. “Also, how does this justify your behavior tonight?”

“Money. I am a penniless traveler most of the time. I usually get by in most countries by teaching English, but recently I haven't wanted to work. I like the kids I have taught, but I just need to experience life for itself without worrying about my teaching curriculum the next day.”

Wolfeman turned his head to the side, no longer looking her in the eye. His lashes were curled and his gaze lowered to the ground, almost in embarrassment.

“My rich father helped me out.I had messed up with my trip to the Netherlands. I hadn't booked a hotel out of stupidity. I thought I could get by cheaper with local lodging though they all happened to be full that night. I had less than fifty dollars, and it seemed I would be sleeping on the street. I have no problem sleeping outside, but I hadn't prepared then. I didn't bring my sleeping bag, so out of desperation I phoned my father.”

“He was awake at that time? What about time differences?” Curi asked.

Wolfeman smiled ruefully, “When you're making deals with the devil, he's always awake though technically it was daytime in the states. My old man bailed me out that night. He wired me some cash, and I sold away any means to a meaningful life. In exchange for his money, I have to work off my debt,” he picked at something in his teeth.

Curi ignored his crudeness to see the deeper meaning. Apparently, Wolfeman agreed to get a desk job to repay his father for getting him back to the states. Again, this didn't explain his actions at the party.

Wolfeman sighed. “Give me a second to get there, kid,” he answered her.

“You gotta understand that I am living a boring life, so drumming up some drama is fun for me. I like the outrageous junk that happens at Andrews' parties, and with the Digis not here I was happy to fill in.”

She frowned. “If you want something fun to do why did you choose this party of all places to mess up?”

“Curi-darling, someone was going to act obstructively here tonight regardless. At least I do chaos with style.” He peered at her. “Smile more or your face is going to stick that way with how serious you are. You got a nice smile, so you should show it.”

Curi rubbed her forehead in an effort to calm herself.

“Mister Wolfeman, stay focused. Did someone put you up to this? You could have started trouble anywhere- a grocery store, a mall, or even at a beach! What made you choose here?”

“Well, I don't feel it's my place to say who may have influenced my actions today.”

“Oh nah, you don't act a fool at my parent's party then be too wimpy to say who put you up to it!” Curi snapped, in her burst of anger she vaguely noticed how much she sounded like her mom. “I know it wasn't entirely your idea, Mister Wolfeman. No offense but you don't seem like the kind of guy to sit around and think this stuff up.”

Wolfeman scratched at his goatee before confessing, “The words and the demeanor with which I go about things are entirely my own, but the decision to have this party be my playground-”

The sound of heels drew closer. Curi had heard it faintly during the conversation, but the sound seemed to echo now. She turned away from Wolfeman to face the heeled-person.

“-Was mine, chickadee. I'm glad you knew the big bad wolf didn't think this up himself.”

“Ophelia!?” Curi gasped. Wolfeman only offered her a nod.

-----

Curi didn't know what to feel.

Miss Ophelia? The nice woman they had met at the post office? Curi had to fight the feeling of embarrassment away. Ophelia didn’t know that she had been secretly looking up to her.

Ophelia's long hair swished with her movements, as she was poised even when walking.

“What? I had to make sure tonight stayed fun.”

Curi could only blink. She hadn't seen this coming. She had her eyes on Wolfeman all night, but the root of the problem was Ophelia!

She had to admit that she didn't know the woman well but she still felt jaded. She had really considered Ophelia cool.

“I told Wolfey to make fun, but not how to go about it,” Ophelia told her.

She rolled her eyes at Curi's appalled expression.

Ophelia pouted but Curi didn’t know whether to believe she was hurt or not. Could she believe anything about the woman? “Aw, don't look at me like that as if I'm petty trash. Did you hear the gossip tonight? It was pretty good, you like that right?”

Curi pulled at her own hair and little strands of kinks floated down. She would tell her parents about the conspirators at the party, but she needed more information before they got thrown out.

“Whether or not I enjoy gossip doesn’t matter. What's your reason for this, Miss Ophelia?” Curi questioned, her frown deepening.

Ophelia grabbed her hand. “You remind me a lot of myself. I don't know why but I also felt like I needed to help you. No one just hates parties without a reason.”

“I simply don't like them.” Curi countered, pulling her hand away. “Again, what's your excuse for this mischief!”

“I have heard about these Andrews' parties, but I had no idea that your family was them. Small world, aye?” Ophelia nudged Curi's shoulder, not at all affronted at the cold response. “Anyway, I knew someone that had once attended a boring party, so I...” Ophelia corrected herself. “This person I knew that once attended told me that they had only remembered peanut jars thrown at them. I asked this person what had sparked this event, and they said it all started when some boring-to-death businessmen killed the party's vibe and some guy offered to jazz things up. Turns out he just wanted a platform to fight his bickering wife and others. “

“Hmm, tonight was nothing like then,” Wolfeman added. “I’m almost positive Morris was dru-“

“You can't allow business people to kill the mood because that is when crazy stuff happens,” Ophelia told Curi talking over Wolfeman.

Curi wondered who the person Ophelia mentioned had been. She thought Ophelia could have been the person, but what if it had been a slip of the tongue? Curi couldn’t remember seeing her at the infamous party but she could ponder that later.

“You don't become someone as accomplished as me without going to a couple of work parties. When I heard businessmen were invited here it only brought bad memories. The fact that I honestly wanted to come to this party is why I set this up. Business people and I don't have the best history. They are usually cutthroat and woefully boring.”

“Aren't you a business woman yourself?” Curi pointed out, leaning her head into her hand.

“I am an entrepreneur, chickadee. There's a difference.”

Ophelia patted one of Wolfeman's broad shoulders.

“Anyway, I offered to help this guy because I felt pity for him. I assured him if he kept things fun at the party I could get him a job, so he wouldn't be forced to work for his papa.”

Curi opened her mouth to say something but stopped. Ophelia had poured out the floodgates of information concerning the party drama. No need to stop the flow, Curi thought.

Ophelia continued, “I found him a job offer for running a travel blog. The perfect thing for him granted he gets a callback, but I have no doubt he will. He nailed his interview.”

Maybe Ophelia wasn’t completely bad? She helped Wolfeman find his dream job but did not care that she potentially ruined her parents' hard work. The woman was so conflicting!

“The fliers!” Curi began. “When I asked my mom about them, she said she hadn't made them, but liked the free publicity. You had something to do with it, didn't you?” She frowned already coming to the conclusion herself.

Ophelia smiled innocently, but her eyes had a wicked glare. She had to be housing a mischievous spirit.

“You remember I taught Wolfeman graphic design? Well, he made those fliers himself with his skills. I told him to blitz the town to ensure there was a huge gathering tonight. He told me you almost saw him at the grocery store with your little friend. It's amateur that he left evidence behind.”

Wolfeman rolled his eyes. “Give me some slack, Ophelia. It's hard to run when ya got a thousand fliers tucked inside your hoodie.”

“Okay, let me get this straight.” Curi held on to the edge of the snack table to stable her. “Mister Wolfeman started drama just for your entertainment because you didn’t want the party to be boring?”

Ophelia and Wolfeman nodded.

“In return for starting drama, you found Wolfeman his dream job, which he most likely got?

“Indeed,” Wolfeman said.

“Pretty much,” Ophelia agreed. She played with one of her gold hoop earrings. Her actions obviously didn't weigh on her conscience.

“You enjoyed him accusing nurses of unforgivable acts? Miss Ophelia, what did you receive besides a drama-filled night?”

“Like I said, I didn't give the guy a script, but it made the dinner more interesting did it not?” Ophelia pulled her hand away from her ear to rest on her hip. “In exchange for everything, he told me his first name.”

Wolfeman had revealed his name? He guarded his namesake like it was sacred. It had Curi to the point of believing he didn't even know it.

Curi threw her hands up,“Well, what is it?”

“Now, why would I tell my reward?” Ophelia smiled again. Curi knew she wouldn't find out Wolfeman's first name this day. For all the trouble he had caused, she deserved to know.

Ophelia hugged Curi’s side before waving at Wolfeman.

“Networking's fun and all, but I need to bounce. Tell your mama thanks for the invite because I had a bunch of fun! Bye Wolfey! See you around, chickadee!”

Curi stared at the door as it slammed. Ophelia had escaped through the back door on the side of the house. The party-goers were too distracted with food and talk, and her parents were none the wiser. The mastermind of the party had left with no punishment. Weird enough, Curi didn't feel too much anger toward her. She did not like being duped but thought no less of Ophelia. The woman still was cool to her even if her actions were far from righteous. It was obvious Ophelia looked out only for herself.

Turning her gaze to Wolfeman, Curi frowned and grabbed one of his wrists tightly.

“MOM!” She yelled, capturing everyone's full attention. Gone was her soft-spoken tone because she needed volume to expose him.

Her mom, serving a platter of chopped fruits due to the missing desserts, looked at her confused. She probably wondered why her daughter held Wolfeman's hand in an iron-grip.

Lifting his hand high, Curi continued, “Mom, Mister Wolfeman's got something to say!”

------------------

Chapter 9 was really long, so I split it up into two parts too!  All the foreshadowing in the previous chapters led up to this. I feel like there are a lot of text dumps in this. 


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Sat Jun 24, 2017 5:17 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hey again, this will probably be my last for today but I'm hoping to get up-to-date tomorrow for Review Day :)

Nit-picks:

What if they drug the Andrews party

"dragged"

he acted detached from the conversation.

This is a bit tell-y. How did he act detached? What did he do?

My rich father helped me out.I had messed up with my trip to the Netherlands.

Missed a space.

“He was awake at that time? What about time differences?” Curi asked.

Night in the Netherlands would be afternoon in America.

At least, I do chaos with style.

Don't need that comma.

Curi wondered who the person Ophelia mentioned had been. She thought Ophelia could have been the person, but what if it had been a slip of the tongue? Curi couldn’t remember seeing her at the infamous party but she could ponder that later.

It seems fairly obvious to me that it's Wolfemann. If it is, this isn't as suspenseful as it could be, if it's not, might want to make it sound a bit more ambiguous.

When I heard, businessmen were invited here it only brought bad memories.

Don't need comma.

Curi threw her hands up.“Well, what is it?”

Missed space.

Ophelia hugged Curi’s side, which she hadn't reciprocated, and waved at Wolfeman.

Slight tense change.

Curi stared at the door slamming/as it slammed.


Overall:

Character: This seems more in character for Wolfemann, just stand-offish rather than actively nasty. This is fine, but it would be useful to emphasise more earlier on just how out of character this was. Obviously it's also really out of character for Ophelia but that makes sense and I'll talk about that more when I get to plot.

Setting: Remember to keep track of how busy the party is. You keep telling me about people leaving but the party always seems to be bustling.

Plot: I really don't get Ophelia's motivation. Like Curi said, there's lots and lots of ways to keep yourself entertained. Also, why not just cause chaos herself. It would be useful if there was some specific anger she has towards people who go to dinner parties, but I'm not sure what that would be.

Flow: Quite often you use too complicated language in normal speech, sometimes in Curi's narration too. It doesn't always sound natural. Keep an eye out for that.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




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Sat May 06, 2017 12:11 am
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ChieTheWriter wrote a review...



Hi there Dest! I'll review this chapter of yours.

Firstly, it was very interesting. The characters were portrayed well and I could picture what was going on in my head. You did a great job! Go you! *hugs*

Now there were a few nitpicks. There are these in all stories ever written, even published ones. They're just little things to be worked on.

He had revealed someone's house foreclosure, accused another nurse of stealing a baby, and stole the dessert. Where he had hidden them, Curi did not know.

The last part: “Where he had hidden them, Curi did not know.” Is a bit confusing. Curi didn’t know what? If it was referring to where Wolfman had hidden the dessert, it should be “it” and not “them”.

What if they drugged the Andrews party through the mud so badly no one came to the next one?

“Drugged” should be “drug”, and the last part needs a word put in.
“What if they drugged drug the Andrews party through the mud so badly that no one came to the next one?”

“Oh, don't start with me. I was going to throw this into the trash. I am an ex-traveler, not a litterer,” he pointed out, pseudo-indignant.

I couldn’t easily tell what he was going to throw in the trash. The apple? If so, there should be some reference to it in the following sentence.

“You are such a great traveler why have you turned to this, a drama-starter?”

Missing comma after the word “traveler”.

“I am so bored, Curi, you have such joyous people and opportunity around you I would hope you haven't experienced it,” he groaned.

A little run on sentence here. You could break it up by putting a period after “Bored” or “Curi”.

I have been forced to take a desk job, and the only thing he has not stripped me of is my hoodie.

“Not done

“I know it wasn't entirely your idea, Mister Wolfeman no offense but you don't seem like the kind of guy to sit around and think this stuff up.”

Another run-on

“The words and the demeanor which I go about things is entirely my own, but the decision to have this party be my playground-”

Either put a “with” before “demeanor” or after “things”.

She had to admit that she didn't know the woman well but felt jaded.

“She had to admit that she didn't know the woman well, but she still felt jaded.”

Could see believe anything about the woman?

“see” should be “she”

Whether I enjoy gossip is neither here nor there.

Frankly, the sentence doesn’t make sense. There “here or there” is out of place. Perhaps you could have said “Whether or not I enjoy gossip is none of your business”

Besides this there were a few misplaced commas and places where commas were needed, but that’s it. You did a good job! I can hardly get this much of a chapter on paper. (short stories ftw) It’s good to see some interesting novels on the site! Keep writing this.
Best wishes,
~Me.




Dest says...


Thank you for the review, and for pointing out those things. I really appreciate it!



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Fri May 05, 2017 12:06 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



“Mister Wolfeman! What's up with you? You have been a nuisance all night. Always in someone's face trying to start drama!” Curi yelled loud enough for him to know she was upset but not too much to cause a scene.


"Yelled" might be too strong. She wants to make Wolfeman stop making scenes and causing drama, so she yells at him...which would definitely make a scene. I mean, she does sort of think better of it here:

“Wolfeman!” She tried her best to calm down. She couldn't berate Toki if she did the same thing.


But still, "yelled" would presumably have already gotten people's attention.

I find Wolfeman amusing as ever. I also like that we got to see a reason for his boredom - although I have to question how much money his dear old dad wired to him for him to have to work so much to pay it off. Then again, plane tickets are expensive, so maybe it makes sense.

However, I have to question Ophelia's Evil Scheme. (I mean, I sort of guess I should've seen something to this effect coming, considering the name of the whole story is "dreaded dinner party.") Let's make sure I've got this right.

1. She was once bored at a dinner party.
2. The boring dinner party resulted in one guy "livening things up" by basically fighting with everyone and their mother.
3. Ophelia was so scarred by that experience that she decided to henceforth ruin any dinner party she hears of that is populated by only boring businessmen.
4. To that effect, she had Wolfeman put up flyers so more people (some of whom are bound to not be boring businessmen) would attend the party that someone else was throwing?
5. And then told Wolfeman to make a scene so things would be more interesting?
6. In return for getting him a different job even though apparently he's still paying off the debt to his dad?
7. And Curi's parents somehow didn't question the fact that all these extra people they didn't invite showed up out of the blue?
8. Even though Ophelia could've avoided boredom literally by not going to this party?

I don't know, it's really just not clicking for me. Wolfeman's motivation for causing chaos and drama wherever he goes - out of boredom because he had to give up the traveler's life he loved - make sense, but Ophelia really doesn't. Did she want to free the world from the chains of boring dinner parties? Or did she not want to be bored at dinner parties herself? In which case, why does she bother going if she thinks one is going to be dull? Why does she invite a bunch of people (via spreading flyers) who weren't invited by the host? Just to cause more drama? Why does she need Wolfeman to cause drama rather than doing it herself? And don't you think Wolfeman would've caused drama on his own, without being hired to do it? And if what Ophelia really gets out of all this is Wolfeman's first name, why did she need to make him cause drama at a party, rather than just helping him get out from under his dad's thumb in return for his name?

Anyway, I have a lot of questions right now. Off to the next bit to see if any of it makes more sense to me.

This review courtesy of
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Dest says...


Thanks for the review(s)! You're pretty much right.
6. If Wolfeman gets the travel job, he can do something he loves and potentially pay back his owed money (if he feels like it)
7. In a previous chapter, Curi's parents explain they don't mind more party guests as long as they behave themselves. In the off-chance of someone stealing, Curi was supposed to watch the doors, which she is not.
8. Ophelia likes parties, and she wanted to go to this one. She's not the type of person to dirty her hands, so she got Wolfeman to do it. Wolfeman's usually too lazy to start trouble, but he has a motive to do so.

I might have to do some tweaking to make Ophelia's motive a bit clearer




When something is broken, it can be fixed.
— Benjamin Alire Saenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe