z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Dreaded Dinner Party Chapter 5

by Dest


Chapter Five

Sunday had been a blur. The weekend felt like the best gift that she had received only to find it gone.

Decorations were stationed in the garage and color schemes set, catering ordered, and invitations were given out, that only the dinner was left.

Curi smirked in an odd way. Her parents were always out of funds, or in simpler terms broke, near her birthday but saved enough to throw these parties. She had been in the living room, watching a video on her laptop before her mom shooed her out.

“Curi, Taveo, and De'ron, I need y'all off these floors! I have to clean them because the party's drawing closer,” Mom said, twisting liquid out of her mop.

Her dad nodded and after he changed out of his eight-piece suit, something Curi hadn't even known existed, he began helping his wife mop. Everyone pulled their weight in the Andrews' household.

“Mom, can I still get a plate even if I don't come to the dinner?” Curi yelled from the hallway. This year the menu looked promising.

Mom shook her head without stopping her work.“Nuh-uh, if you want some of the catered food you have to come to the dining room and get it. I can save you a biscuit, but not much else! We have too many people to feed this year.”

Curi sighed. She didn't prefer biscuits, and she actually had her hopes set on snatching a few sweet rolls. The ones her Mom brought for dinner parties were everything right in the world rolled into a dough.

There were some redeeming qualities from her parents' dinner parties. Besides the delicious food, having so many different people over was nice most of the time. People would pack into any seemingly empty spaces and noise always filled the rooms. The walls were thin enough but chatter and music blasting made the parties unable to ignore. Since most of the time it was just Curi and her family alone, Thanksgiving and dinner parties were the only time company came over, so they made the house feel full. She always entertained herself listening to the gossiper guests.

Some parties were less memorable than others but had not failed to have a mishap at some point. Curi didn't involve herself in others' foolery, but a carnal side of her enjoyed watching it take place. It gave her a change of pace from her normal, drama-free life. As a home-schooled teen, she didn't have much room to get into trouble with her Mom nearby.

“Alright Mom, I will probably have to momentarily come out to eat something,” Curi relented. The mop's cleaning liquid spread across the wooden floor and inadvertently caused Curi to move further back. Her yellow socks dampen at the toe.

“Good Aucuria! You can't live in your room all your life,” her dad quipped. She chose to ignore the comment. Certainly, there were events and people worth meeting outside the comforts of her room.Wolfeman would attend this year and maybe tell her another travel story. He liked to make her request a few times, before recounting his tales, even though he liked to share his stories. Not to mention this was the first year Cooleo, Toki, and possibly a girl from her art class would come.

-----

Where had time gone? Curi felt as if a time skip had occurred, but truly the rest of the week passed by event-less. Now, it was Thursday, the day before the party and the Andrews' home was busy.

The house was hot with oven heat, and she watched her mom make last minute arrangements. The turkey cooking engulfed anyone near the kitchen in its warmth.

Mom with a wide smile, sashayed into the kitchen holding a folded fabric. She opened the cloth

“Curi-baby, help me set the dining table. I got this beautiful Nigerian pattern online! You like it?” Mom thrust the cloth into her arms.

She did. The fabric felt soft in her hands and the geometrical pattern looked rich.

Curi and her mom draped the cloth over the dining table, which had been extended purposefully for the party, and smoothed out wrinkles before setting the silverware. Forks, knives, napkins, and name tags had been placed in their intended spots. The scenery looked appealing to Curi's amateur design eye.

In the distance, the noise of a lawnmower grew fainter, when her brother had cut the lawn to his liking. Curi heard the front door open, as he walked in, grass-stained shoes and all. Of course, the completion of decorations and lawn care didn't mean everything had been covered.

“Dang!” her mom snapped. She peered into the refrigerator, disgusted by what she saw. “Curi, can you go to the grocery store with me?

“Yeah Mom, no problem I can manage,” Curi said, shrugging.

Mom grabbed her keys and purse out the coffee table. “Taveo, watch my turkey and don't let it overcook!”

Taveo gave a slow nod and said he would watch over the turkey, though he was already fiddling with his ever-present phone. Curi snorted. If she acted as nonchalant about precious dinner party food, her parents would surely reprimand her. Taveo is so dense and distracted that Mom and Dad probably don't expect much from him, Curi thought.

“Alright, let's go then!” Mom announced. Curi didn't get a chance to fume. The car engine roaring brought her out of her inner-rant on sibling-favoritism. It would be more beneficial for her to concentrate her energy on remembering the items her mom needed.

------

“Hmm... Generic or name-brand?” Curi weighed the two mustard bottles in her hand. Did it matter with mustard, as long as it was sour and yellow? At the sound of footsteps, her attention switched from the condiments to a person walking toward her.

A familiar voice welcomed her ears. The tone was loud but sweet like a newborn baby.

Curi felt the person lean over her shoulder. “I would go with the name-brand just so people feel like they're hot stuff squeezing it on their food.”

“Oasis?” Curi called. This was the girl who had recently crossed her thoughts. She was a shade of brown lighter than her and wore loose gym clothes.

Curi got along well with her, even with Oasis's brash personality, which often turned people off. Curi had managed to put up with her, and she liked Oasis for the most part. They had creativity in common and had bonded over it. However, they had only conversed with each other at the library's community art class, so to see her in public felt surreal.

“Aucuria! How are you? Whaddya doing?” The slightly taller girl asked. As usual, her breath smelled minty. The girl's thick black braids swung upward as she bounced around. Oasis liked to move and hated to stay still for too long. It looked like her sneakers were scuffing the grocery store floor.

“Mmm... Not much just buying a few things for my parents' party,” Curi replied. She wanted to ask if she was coming, but an irrational scene of Oasis getting offended at her made her stop.

Oasis absentmindedly picked at her sock sliding down. She shuffled a mint tin in her hands.

“So, will you be coming to the party?” Curi said in a burst of words. The faster she spoke the less she had time to overthink. If she did not stop these asinine thoughts, she would be on her way to social awkwardness.

Oasis' eyes widened a bit, probably surprised to witness her talkativeness. “Yeah, my mama and my sister are going. I will tag along too if you think it will be any fun.”

“You should!” Curi said, smiling. Her smile shrunk a bit when she realized how dumb her apprehension had been. She had to work on speaking her mind more. “No one our age usually comes, so it would be cool to see you there. We could have our own kids, I mean teen's table!””

“Everyone doesn't look as young as you, girl. I am all woman, thank you.” Oasis corrected, gesturing to the curves of her hips. “Still, I want to come.”

Curi resisted the urge to bicker with her about the shady dig at her childlike looks. If a person could look past Oasis's crude way of speech, he or she would see a lovely girl.

“You got all your supplies for your mama?” Oasis asked.

“Well, I just have to pick up some yogurt for myself and a rotisserie chicken for her.”

Curi walked toward the deli before she stopped. This would be a great opportunity to spend some time together before their next art class. Time to speak up! Curi thought.

“Uh, want to come with me? It takes a while for the chickens to cook.”

“Sure,” Oasis smiled. “My mama's at the fish counter, waiting for a worker to package her sushi, so I can wait with you.”

The two walked to the deli. While there Oasis showed her a risqué picture of some boy, she had met off the internet on her cell phone, and Curi tried not to drop her basket of items. She wasn't surprised at seeing that type of thing from Oasis but struggled to shield it from the people in line. Curi threw her own look of contempt at an older woman, who had the nerve to sneer at them. Oasis only showed her more photos not bothered by the dirty look.

Oasis is a sweet person, but she involves herself into things too mature for her, Curi thought.Oasis had once said that she liked her because she kept her grounded from anything too crazy.

“Ooh-wee! Look free samples!” Oasis suddenly cheered, pointing across the room. Curi placed a packaged deli chicken into her basket, careful not to let it touch the cold items.

“Curi, come on!”

Oasis had streaked ahead and Curi could only see the back of her workout clothes.

“Ok, okay!”

The much taller girl took them to the bakery. She grabbed two slices of an unidentified cake from the baker and handed one to Curi.

Curi felt her shoe slide a bit when she walked to the trash can. Underneath her boot was a flier for her parents' party. In her peripheral view, someone wearing a black hoodie ducked down an aisle.

“Gosh, how big is your parents' party?” Oasis asked, stealing her attention, cake crumbs in the corner of her mouth.

Curi touched her temple. Her parents had marketing for the party? “Oasis, I honestly have no idea.”

-----

That night she dreamed of nothing. Curi couldn't tell if that was promising or mildly ominous. Either way, tomorrow was the day, the countdown to the dreaded dinner party. 

----------------------------------

This is chapter five of a story I wrote almost two years ago.Thanks for any reviews/critiques and comments. Also, there are no more characters introduced after this! :D


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Thu Jun 15, 2017 4:07 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hi again,

Nit-picks:

near her birthday but saved enough to throw these parties.

Wait this party is for her birthday? Did I miss that? If I did, apologies.

There were some redeeming qualities from her parents' dinner parties. Besides the delicious food, having so many different people over was nice most of the time.

This is probably something that should have been introduced a bit earlier, rather than it now seeming inconsistent compared to her constant complaining about the parties for 4 chapters.

“Good Aucuria! You can't live in your room all your life,” her dad quipped.

This doesn't really seem like a quip, more like general good life advice.

Not to mention this was the first year Cooleo, Toki, and possibly a girl from her art class would come.

Okay so now I'm getting the impression that Curi's birthday party is a yearly thing (obviously) but I hadn't realised until now that it was her birthday party. It now makes sense that the parties happen constantly, but that this particular one, Curi's birthday party, happens only once a year. I hope I've understood this correctly?

he or she would see a lovely girl.

might as well be "they" there for smoother flow

Overall:

Character: I know you're going for Curi trying to force herself to be more active, but I'm actually unclear from the first few chapters what makes her think she's so bad at this. She seems perfectly fine talking to Cooleo, to her mother, to Taveo. Oh also, I meant to say this on one of the earlier chapters but I'd really like to see more of Curi's relationship with her dad.

Setting: Pretty good, but would have been nice to feel a bit chaotic since you seem to be trying to show that Curi is overwhelmed.

Plot: This is a good addition to the cast as the last character introduced. I think what you have - ie an ensemble cast - is a fun thing to have, and difficult to introduce. I think however it might have made sense to in the first chapter make reference to all of these people, so that they're not completely new blocks of characterisation for the reader when we meet them, and also mean we're looking forward to meeting these people.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




Dest says...


Ah, the dinner parties happen a few times a year. Curi just thinks it's ironic how her parents never have any money around her birthdays in general but have enough for dinner parties. The dinner party isn't her birthday party. Sorry if that wasn't clear

I would say Curi's comfortable with her family (and adults in general) and Cooleo's easy to talk to. She's a little more awkward with Toki, Oasis, and Ophelia.



ExOmelas says...


Oops, the birthday party thing will come up in my next review as well, ignore that.

Okay, maybe want to make that more obvious then. Toki seems much easier to talk to than Cooleo, but it might just be that I like him more :P



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Tue Feb 21, 2017 9:39 pm
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shima wrote a review...



Mikhail here.

Returning to next chapter, since I am actually curious how the story will end. Believe it or not, it is very difficult to do with a person like me. Bravo.

Pretty much all of my complaints from previous chapters have vanished, since now you have good descriptions, give the characters room to breathe and allow the story to develop.

It is nice that we finally get to see more of Ciri and her interactions with other people, which pushes the story further in my opinion. Loved her interactions with her mother, mostly the part when she wants to have some food even if she doesn't come down and her mother is like "you only get food if you get down here". Thought it was quite funny and as a person whose mother organises such parties (quite) often I know this to be true. Loved it.

Was a bit confused with the name Oasis, took me a second (and reading the next sentence) to figure out that it was actually a real person. Thought it was a cat, tbh.
Only now realized that Curi's full name is Aucuria (blame on me, not you) and it is actually much better sounding than Curi, imho.

Thought that Oasis was a funny person. Loved the way she was introduced and the way she interacts with Curi. It looks like they are very good friends.

Once again, not a single grammar mistake. :-)

Great story, with great characters and I really loved reading it.

Mikhail out.




Dest says...


Hi Mikhail, thanks for your review. I am happy that you are enjoying the story!



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Tue Feb 21, 2017 8:20 am
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Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I figured I'd drop back for another review.

Honestly, this is written quite well. I really enjoy the interactions between the characters. Curi in particular is a pretty vibrant main character, which I've always found difficult to do when they don't have a really strong, distinct voice.

I think it's really interesting that her parents will never spend money on her birthday parties, and yet Curi doesn't seem to be all that bitter about it.

Oasis was a sweet person, but she involved herself into things too mature for her. She had once told Curi, that she liked her because she felt Curi kept her grounded from anything too crazy.

I don't want to tell you to get rid of this, since it's an interesting insight into Oasis's character, but it's very much so telling instead of showing. I think if you frame it a more through Curi's perspective, so it feels more like these are her thoughts than an authorial voice of doom telling you immutable facts about the character (yes, I exaggerate), then it will feel more subtle and be more interesting.

For example, you could say something like "Curi shook her head. Whenever Oasis pulled this stuff, she was reminded... [the stuff about Curi keeping her grounded]. Just that sort of filtering it more through her thoughts.

In general, I think the biggest thing you could do in this chapter is cut down on telling. There's actually quite a lot of it, and even though you're good at weaving it in and making it concise, some of it is unnecessary. And other things (like whether or not Curi does actually enjoy the parties) would be better to be shown through her actions and inner dialogue.

“Ooh-wee! Look free samples!” Oasis suddenly cheered.

This part sort of confused me, since from the way it and the following paragraphs were phrased, I couldn't see why Oasis could suddenly see the free samples from that distance away. It just sort of came out of nowhere, and I feel like it would make more sense for her to remember that there are free samples, rather than actually seeing them.

And that's all I've got for today! Good luck, and keep writing.




Dest says...


Thank you for the review! I will try to make those changes soon.



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Thu Feb 16, 2017 12:14 am
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rosette wrote a review...



Aaaand hello once more Dest!
I have decided in a fit of mercy to give you at least onereview... ; ) (I am seriously addicted to this story, though)

The Good Stuff
To begin with, I am very happy you added a girl to Curi's whole social life. I was just thinking, why does she only know boys? And enter - Oasis! So far all your characters (except for Dad who is rarely mentioned) seem to have very different personalities from each other and Oasis is no exception. I have to admit, she'll (probably) give a good kick to the story. I see, at the end, you say you won't be introducing any more characters. I think that's a good thing. As of right now, you're good. A fine amount of dudes and Curi's got a girl around her age, or so it seems. Thumbs up!

Curi's personality has pretty much remained the same - and that's a good thing. Although... I would like a little more info on how she responds to things. You did her thought process once - good. And sometimes her physical reactions - touches her temple. But I'm wondering: does she have any face expressions? Like a cocked eyebrow or scrunched forehead or anything along those lines??? This is my only issue with the girl.

You also have some exceedingly clever remarks in here that I totally loved. No, I'm not going to point them out... I just want you to know that I see what you got up your sleeve! XP

Concerning the First Section
Short and sweet. "eight-piece" sentences? Like, what?! XP But.

Decorations were stationed in the garage, and color schemes set, catering ordered, and invitations had been given out, that only the dinner was left.


You have this statement near the beginning and I thought it needed a little repair. The and I'm thinking, shouldn't be there. It puts a stop in the flow. Then, that last segment "that only the dinner was left". I think you could probably get away with making your own sentence out of that. Maybe after the decorating sentence you could say: "Now, only the dinner was left." Or something in that sense. You totally do NOT have to use my example.

Sometime after this Curi makes it seem as if she wants to stay in her room all night. “Mom, can I still get a plate even if I don't come to the dinner?” she asks. Okay, we think. She hates parties, she doesn't want to come down. Then, later you add: "Curi didn't involve herself in others' foolery, but a carnal side of her enjoyed watching it take place. It gave her a change of pace from her normal, drama-free life."
I found this to be a contradiction. Maybe you can see it for yourself. From wanting to avoid the party, she now jumps to wanting to be there so she can see all the action, due to her having a boring life. Ya see?

Her yellow socks dampen at the toe.


This whole section, whole chapter, whole story has been written in past tense but suddenly wham! You throw the present at us. "Dampen" should be "dampened". ; )


... Second Section
Only saw one sentence to point out here.

“Curi, can you go to the grocery store and buy the eggs and paprika while I go to buy some other things?”


I thought this sentence a little strangely worded, especially as I read on. This is making it seem as if Curi's going to go off in the sunset and buy a few necessities while her mother trots off in the completely opposite direction to buy her things. But as you read later on you discover they go together. I'd suggest making the mother's words more like "Curi, can you come with me?" Okay. Hopefully that explanation helped.

3rd Section
This doesn't have as much to do with the sentences as it does with the actual story.
Oasis waltzes into the picture and we have no idea what she looks like. Near the end you mention she's tall but other than that, we're kind of clueless with the gal. For some reason I assumed she was African-American or some other nationality... I don't know why. I'd like a little more detail on her appearance and physical characteristics or whatnot.

You also mention (though, not just in this section) that Curi met her through art class. Yet Curi, as I specifically remember and read, is homeschooled. Is it a co-op? Her homeschool group? I think you should make that whole part clear so as not to cause confusion.

Ah, yes, one final thing here.

Oasis' eyes widen a bit, probably surprised to witness her talkativeness.


Aaargh. Its that tense thing again. I'm pretty sure this was the only other one, though! "Widen" should be "widened".

Last & Final Section
This part was literally three sentences, and didn't have much in it. But. That last sentence.

Either way, tomorrow was the day, countdown to the dreaded dinner party.


*inserts the between comma and "countdown*
Yes. That was all I had to say about that. : D


Alright, Dest! I think that just about sums up my whole review.
Whew. In case you ever get discouraged about this story... just remember: I'm still reading.
Haha. Okay. I'll sign off now.

Keep up the good work, girl.
cheers!
-TheKid




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Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:42 am
Letttisssyyya says...



Good story. Speaking of characters, I think so too. The characters mentioned above were quite a number, but the chapter can handle it.


When's the next chapter?




Dest says...


Hi Letttissyya, I will post the sixth chapter after I do some edits on this one and get some more review points. Thanks for reading




Besides, if you want perfection, write a haiku. Anything longer is bound to have some passages that don't work as well as they might.
— Philip Pullman