z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Dreaded Dinner Party Chapter 6

by Dest


Chapter Six

The first person she saw Friday morning was Ophelia, who waved at her. Sleep still in her eyes, Curi returned the greeting. She had been checking the mail, a mundane event she looked forward to every weekday when the woman had appeared. It surprised her to see Ophelia, but she thought nothing of it. Surely, a person had to have a reason to greet her at the mailbox.

“Ah hey, you are the cutie from the post office! Where's your mom?” Ophelia strode over on her long legs. Her hair was now in long strands with a bun at the top. Curi noticed she wore a lavender, ironed shirt with slim-fitting black pants. The color lavender and Ophelia seemed to go well together. If she had been more awake, Curi would have nagged herself for not being dressed just as nice.

“Hello Miss Ophelia,” Curi greeted politely despite her tiredness. She rubbed at her eyes. “Oh, my mom she's-”

Ophelia waved her hand in a gesture to stop her words. “Ah, it's not that important. I’ll see her tonight. Your mom is such a nice woman! Did you know she gave me a call to make sure I had directions?”

This answered why Ophelia stood outside her house so early. She had most likely wanted to scout out the place before work. She noticed Ophelia had a strong gaze on her. Curi accessed herself. Please don't have drool on my face, she thought.

“Sometimes, when I look at you I see a younger me,” Ophelia said, giving a short laugh. “Aw, can I hug you?”

Curi didn't quite know how to respond to the sudden hospitality, but a side hug never hurt anything. Besides, a part of her liked Ophelia, who was ambitious and fashionable. She wanted to be like that. When she had pulled away, Curi told her, “You know Miss. Ophelia, I was surprised to see you so early.”

Ophelia shrugged. “Yeah, my bad chickadee, I guess you’re not an early riser?”

Yawning, Curi managed an answer, “I had a hard time getting to sleep last night, but I’ll be alright.”

“That is too bad. On the bright side, the party sounds big. I've heard about it all over. I guess some influential people know your parents,” Ophelia said. She leaned her elbow on top of the mailbox.

Her parents' marketing had paid off. “Well, they know the Digis I guess, and there might be a buzz about their party due to fliers. I hadn't even known they ordered any.” Curi explained.

“Those are already out?”

“Yes, I guess in preparation for the party they were sent early.” Curi mused on the subject for a bit. She opened the mail flap and pulled out a stack of letters. “Still, I hope there's enough room to house everyone.”

Ophelia folded her arms. “The Digis, eh? I feel like I’ve heard of them, but I can't put faces to the name.” She scrunched her face.

“They are this well-known couple in the city, who are business people,” Curi explained, shuffling the letters.

Ophelia audibly groaned. “So, this probably means a lot more business people will be there right? I don't see how you can justify the party atmosphere with them there. This isn't a work function, so it should be fun!”

Curi could only tilt her head in confusion. “What’s so bad about businessmen?”

“Cutie, I was just making a point don't be worried.” Ophelia sighed and gave an odd smile, which looked more like a smirk. Her eyebrows arched mischievously. “I am sure tonight will be fun. I just know if you're not prepared stuffy-butts like business guys can mess up a good thing.”

“Nah, you have never been to an Andrews' party if you even equate it with boring. Most of the guests are unique like Mister Wolfeman.”

“He's a real hairy guy.”

Curi questioned, “You heard about him?”

Ophelia only shrugged and changed to a diminutive smile. “It's a shame what his papa is doing to him. I am trying to help the poor guy out.” Her eyes were such a dark color that Curi could not read her expression. Weren't eyes the window to a person's soul?

The woman twirled around in her ankle boots, in the grass surrounding the Andrews' mailbox. “Anyway, cutie, why don't you remind me what your name is?”

“It's Curi. What do you help him with?” Curi asked, staring at her intently. Ophelia had a cool head, but there had to be something more to her than at face value.

Either way, Ophelia appeared to be chill without being threatening. On another day, Curi might have prodded her more. She wanted to know how they had met, and what made Mister Wolfeman so sociable lately! Not only had he been convinced by his father to leave traveling for an office job, but he allowed outside help from someone he probably only met recently. What a strange turn things were taking. The wolf-like man had evolved.

“Graphic design,” Ophelia said, a short and to the point answer.

Curi played with the stack of letters in her hand, mostly bills and RSVP replies. It was time to go back inside the house. She couldn't ever remember holding a conversation outside next to her mailbox.

“Well, it was nice talking, Miss Ophelia, but I gotta get back inside.” She said goodbye.

“I’ll be on my way too! I should get to work. Bye, though I guess I will see you tonight!”

Curi curled her lips. After she got a plate of food, she hadn't planned to leave her room

“Ehh, I think I am going to sit this one out. I’m not a party person despite who my parents may be.”

“Aw, Curi tonight won't be boring at all. At least, peek your head through the festivities.”

Poor Miss Ophelia had no idea of what the party could entail. Hopefully, things could be on the lighter side and lean toward mediocrity. Her mom and dad had made sure to get rid of any peanut jars in the house this time.

----

Curi snacked on cheese crackers by the handful. Salt clung to her fingers, and she licked it away. Party preparation had finished yesterday, so everyone had a chance to relax before the party, truly the calm before the storm.

She had been given the day off from homeschooling, and after her conversation with Ophelia, she spent it watching TV. She had watched four episodes straight of some hospital drama she had never seen. Remy, the title character, had been resuscitated more times than humanly possible and his bride could do nothing but cry. Honestly, Curi was tired of the excessive tears, snotty noses, and corny plot but it numbly entertained her enough to pass the time. Taveo had fallen asleep during the second episode's climax, and her dad, who had taken off from work, studied in his room.

The house was in a state of calm. When a commercial break had come, she walked around the house to see what her mom was doing. Maybe she was still on the computer, promoting the party on social media? Mom was not in her bedroom, the kitchen, or the bathroom.

She half-yelled,“Mom? Where are you?”

“I'm in here, Curi!” Faintly she heard Mom's voice. She could not have been in the main part of the house.

“Mom,” Curi began, “Where exactly is here?”

“In the garage!”

Curi saw her mom stood near a pile of clothes, the family's clothes. It wouldn't have been like her parents if they didn't throw all the dirty clothes behind doors to fool company that the house was clean.

A particular item bundled up on the ground caught her eye. “Aw, so this is why I couldn't find my favorite housecoat!” Curi picked up the red, faux fur item. It certainly smelled like it belonged there.

Her mom told her not to worry about it because she would clean it for her later. Curi thought better than to say it had already been a while because she didn't want to be scolded. Still, she missed the red thing like it was a comfort blanket.

“Aucuria,” her mom said, voice like a mixture of strong and gentle. “I honestly want to thank you and your brother for helping me so much. I understand you don't care for these parties Curi, though I wish you would...”

“Would what, Mom? I would help you anytime even for these dreaded dinner parties.” Curi told her, throwing the housecoat on the ground.

“Sweetie, that's just the thing. Me and yo daddy-”

“You mean your dad and I,” Curi corrected. Her mom's country way of speaking still crept into her speech.

Mom shot her a sharp look but relented.

Your dad and I talked about some things last night. He told me he never wanted his baby girl to be forced to go to something she didn't like. I guess De'ron had noticed for a while that you weren't very fond of them.”

Curi nodded. That seemed like the type of argument he would make for her. It had always been her mom that pushed for her to attend. For all his bad qualities that upset her, she never once had to be convinced her dad loved her.

“Curi, you don't have to come to the party at all. I would like if you at least greeted the guests before you hide in your room but that is up to you. Your dad said you're old enough to decide for yourself what you want to attend.”

Leave it to her dad to unhook the metaphorical chains she had. She should have been pleading her case to him instead of her mom all these years.

The option not to attend the party threw her through a loop.If she did not go, there was going to be a part left empty inside herself. How was she going to laugh about this with Cooleo? And she wanted to show Toki around if he came. She couldn't even use her fake obliviousness plan because there was no need.

Not being forced to go the Andrews' biggest party yet? Now, she, Aucuria Janae Andrews, didn't have a reason to be there.

Mom looked surprised at her daughter's conflicted expression but chose not to comment about it.

“Curi-baby, also, I can save you a plate. I will just set it aside.”

Curi decided, at that moment, that she didn't need to go to the party. If her food was taken care of that's all that should matter. But, she would probably visit for a few seconds to see if she could squeeze another story out of Wolfeman and see Ophelia. Maybe it was to keep her perfect party attendance record, but she wanted to at least say she had been there. She just needed to be gone before the troubles-starters, the Digis, arrived.

-----------

This is chapter six of a story I wrote almost two years ago. Thanks for any reviews/critiques and comments! Hopefully, I can do a lot of edits and rewrites over spring break.


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Thu Jun 15, 2017 6:10 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hi again,

Nit-picks:

Her hair was now long strands of straight hair

The double "hair" here is a bit repetitive. "Her hair was now in long strands" would work.

Ah, it's not that important because I’ll see her tonight.

It's not common for people to explain their actions so clearly. Usually people say "it's not important. I'll see her tonight."

Please don't have drool on my face,” she thought.

Either put " at the start or take away from the end.

“Ehh, I think I am going to sit this one out. I’m not a party person despite who my parents may be.”

“Aw, Curi tonight won't be boring at all. At least, peek your head through the festivities.”

It's her birthday party, right? Wouldn't Ophelia be surprised that she wasn't coming to her own birthday party and say something about that?

Salt clung to her fingers, and she licked them away.

"them" should be "it", otherwise it sounds like she's licking her fingers away :P

For all his bad qualities that upset her, she never once had to be convinced her dad loved her.

I really really would have liked to have some Curi+De'ron only interactions by now.

Overall:

(template doesn't really fit for this one for some reason)

Seriously, I need some Curi and her father conversations. I've barely seen him so far so when he becomes to pivotal here it feels kind of thin. I can feel the anticipation quite well. The Dread is definitely building up really well and I like the way you use the names of all the different characters we've met to keep it interesting, and you're liking some of them together.

The twist of not having to go to the party is really interesting. I love the dynamic of Curi gaining freedom and then perhaps realising it was the lack of that that was so painful, rather than the actual party. Maybe don't admit quite so explicitly that she actually kind of enjoys them though:

If she did not go, there was going to be a part left empty inside herself. The party was where she got all the best stories, her actual life events.


so that it sounds more like she's trying to kid herself. It would make the realisation I've described above (if that is what you're going for) more effective.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




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Thu Feb 23, 2017 1:55 am
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rosette wrote a review...



Another chapter of the Dreaded Dinner Party? You can be sure this girl's ready to review. (Note: if you're getting tired of me, let me know. I'll hit the road). xP

Random Thoughts

We're on the day of the actual party! Woo! Finalmente! Curi's awake and alive and the first person she sees is Ophelia, who's apparently scouting out for that night. They talk. Somewhere during all of this, this happens:

Curi played with the stack of letters in her hand, mostly bills and RSVP replies.


When did she open the mailbox? When did she retrieve these letters? You say nothing about this - there's just some dialogue and BAM! We have this current statement at hand. My Advice: mention it while Curi's talking. She opens the mailbox as she's saying... whatever you want her to say! Its a simple dilemma here, but I couldn't help noticing it. :]

And am I the only one that found it strange Ophelia took her lunch-break so early? You could say that centers around when she works but I don't know many people who dress so fancy to work at night. I suggest changing this to Ophelia scouting out before she heads off to work instead of Ophelia scouting out on a very early lunch-break.

Speaking of Ophelia...

Ophelia strode over on her long legs, and her previously coiled hair now long strands of straight hair with a bun at the top. She wore a lavender, ironed shirt, and slim-fitting black pants.


I like how you're describing. This is awesome. Yet, you just state it all as facts. Telling and no Showing, as I've heard some say. You could probably insert these little details into your dialogue or rewrite this differently like, Curi noting her lavender top or the sun's rays hitting it in a just-so-perfect light. Another thing is that first sentence has too much hair. I know, I know, that sounds really weird. xD Maybe you don't need to mention her previously coiled hair - just focus on the present.

And more about Opehlia... (sorry, she's just so word-evoking) I couldn't help noticing she seemed a little... different... Not quite the same as when you first introduced her. In Chapter 2 we see her as bright, energetic and funny - also a little hesitant about the party. That now jumps to a giggly, pouty and seemingly curt woman. This could be because of some of your descriptions: Ophelia's lips turned downward and her almond-shaped eyes looked conflicted. Ophelia replaced the frown with an odd smile, which looked more like a smirk. Then, at one point, she appears off in la-la-land: The woman twirled around in her ankle boots, in the grass surrounding the Andrews' mailbox. I have no issue with your descriptions, don't get me wrong! They're perfectly wonderful! They just don't seem to fit Ophelia. She's still the same, flamboyant woman, yes, and we really don't know too much about her because she's only had a couple appearances... But comparing the two chapters, they don't seem to match up.

Now, concerning that second section... Curi finds her Mom in the garage. Doing what? Laundry. Does your family do their laundry in the garage? Maybe y'all do; and Curi's family is after all, a little strange but I still found this oddly funny. Do they have nowhere else to do it? Or is this where all the washing machines and such are? Anyway, they talk and Mom says "Curi, you don't have to come to the party at all." You say, "This came completely out of left field." I disagree. It was kind of leading up to it, this whole proposal thing. That one statement knocked me off the wrong side of the bed, sorry. Unfortunately, it wasn't the only one.

She couldn't even use her fake obliviousness plan because there was no need.


I don't see what you mean by this. What fake obliviousness plan? I had no idea she even had one! A little explanation, please...

Grammar Thoughts

Of course I bring this up. Heehee. I noticed a few things here and there that I'll point out.
To begin with, you have a lot of this:

“Ah, it's not that important because I will see her tonight."
"I guess you are not an early riser?”
" I feel like I have heard of them,"
"I am not a party person despite who my parents may be.”


Do you see the common problem here? In cases like this, sometimes its just better to shorten it to a contraction. "I will" could become "I'll and "I am not" to "I'm not". Its usually not anything people throw their hands up and scream "WHAT?!" for but, you used it an awful lot and at times it just sounds stiff and awkward.

I guess some influential people know your parents,” Ophelia said, she leaned her elbow on top of the mailbox.


We have a run-on sentence here. And you have a choice. "...Ophelia said, leaning her elbow on top of the mailbox." OR "...Ophelia said. She leaned her elbow..." Put it together or separate it. You choose. Either way, it's not going to be what you previously had, sorry.

How was she going to laugh about this with Cooleo, and she wanted to show Toki around if he came.


So, you start off with a question and end with a statement. Very interesting situation we have here. You could do the question and follow it up with a sentence. (How was she going to laugh about this with Cooleo? And she did want to show Toki around if he came.) Or you could even do vice versa. (She wanted to show Toki around if he came, and how was she going to laugh about this with Cooleo?) There's quite a few possibilities.

There really only were a couple things to point out, as I said, with the Grammar. I'm impressed, you're doing great! My main, basic problem was what I said at the beginning with your lack of contractions. Other than that - standing ovation!
I'm still anticipating the Dreaded Dinner Party (your story's great with stimulating that!) and am still one of your faithful readers. Keep up the great work, Dest!
That'll be all for now.
Farewell!
-TheKid

Image




Dest says...


(As always) thanks for the review! I made those changes and got ride of the "left field" line. You pointed out a lot of good things especially the contractions. I'm so used to fully spelling them out due to making word counts for school essays. XD
Ophelia's meant to be breezy. But, I did tweak the descriptions a bit. I took out the pouty-giggly stuff.
Curi's mom wasn't doing laundry she was hiding the dirty clothes. Sorry if that wasn't very clear.
The "fake obliviousness plan" is in reference to the 1st chapter, when Curi contemplates pretending to forget the party.
Hope this isn't long!



rosette says...


You're welcome! Ah no, it wasn't too long. Thanks for pointing out some of that stuff - I am very much enlightened. XD



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Tue Feb 21, 2017 10:04 pm
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shima wrote a review...



Oh cool, I am the first reviewer. Groovy.

Well, what can I say ? Still enjoying the heck out of it, great story as always. The descriptions were really nice and it seems that you have finally figured out the way you actually wanna do this. Great. :-)

Aucuria is still one very funny and enjoyable main character. Hell, I want to meet her irl, if that would be possible. Oasis too, because she seems so nice (Needed to put that in the last chapter, forgot about it).

Was a bit confused by the beginning of this piece, since it seems that you have introduced a new character (or else I must reread one of the previous chapters).

The continuing waiting for the dinner party and the way that Aucuria described it to herself really amused me and now I am wondering - what for disaster its going to be ?

Waiting to meet Mr. Wolfeman (also - dat name. Could you be even more obvious that he is a hairy person ?)

Well, it seems that there are no major complaints from my side. Waiting to meet the Digis and waiting for the next chapter.

Mikhail over and out.




Dest says...


Thanks for reviewing again. It's great to read your thoughts. Ophelia was introduced in chapter 2 and Wolfeman in chapter 4.



shima says...


Oh. Shame on me. Stupid mistake - shall reread those as soon as possible in order to get to know them. (Yeah, now you will think that I didn't pay enough attention.)




"Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness."
— Bishop Desmond Tutu