z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Dreaded Dinner Party Chapter 10

by Dest


Chapter Ten

Curi had gone to bed that night full and oddly pleased. The party had its minor drama, as always, even though this time it was preconceived. In the back corner of her mind, she was still reeling at Ophelia’s involvement. She hadn't fully ratted out the woman, but only told her parents Wolfeman had help in his schemes. Curi couldn’t place why exactly that she had tried to shield Ophelia from the blame, but she moved that matter aside to focus on other things.

She had planned to help her parents wash the dishes after the party, but after briefly watching the night with Cooleo, she had collapsed on the couch. Once she had ignored all the different buts that had sat on it, she merrily slept the rest of the night.

This morning Taveo ate his cereal, ignorant of the party's events. He had parked cars all night and after a plate of food went straight to bed. She wished she could have seen her laid-back brother's reactions last night. Well, there would be other parties for him to see, and he most likely would not have been bothered by the shenanigans, as past parties had shown her. He gave her a nod as a morning greeting, milk dripping underneath his chin.

In the kitchen, by talking about some of its events her mom and her re-lived the night again. Her dad cooked scrambled eggs for her, and she guzzled down a yogurt smoothie. A bright sunny Saturday morning greeted her, as if in retribution for the night's chaos. Beams of light shed through the halfway opened kitchen curtains of red cartoonish dogs on a background of yellow. Curi had fallen asleep in her clothes, but her parents wore matching plaid pajamas.

“Mom, last night when Mister Guillermo confessed his feelings why did you take so long to answer?” Curi asked, sitting on a bar stool next to her mom. It was insignificant but something she wanted to know all the same.

Her mom sighed, “A part of me felt bad for his embarrassment and didn’t want to be rude. Back in college, my friends always hinted he liked me and Guillermo was so obvious even I knew he had a crush on me, but I thought he would have moved on.”

Mom laughed a bit and touched her bangs. Something akin to a bittersweet smile spread across her cheeks.

“I didn't want to be dismissive of his feelings, but I am married. Your daddy acts like an old man sometimes, but I love him.”

Curi's mind wandered, thinking about herself, even through her mom’s talking. In a way, she felt she had grown a bit overnight. She was slowly learning to keep cool-headed in times of drama and not let things stress her out too much. It would take a process, though.

Despite Ophelia and Wolfeman's mischief, she still thought the infamous Digi peanut jar party had been the worst.

A drama on TV played loudly in the background.

“Don't hurt me. I have been hurt enough!”

“I don't want to hurt you! I want to love you!”

“What you want to do and what actually happens are two very different things.”

“Well, yeah, sometimes that's how the cookie crumbles, but do you at least want to try?”

“Curi-baby, turn the TV down,” her mom told her, tapping her fingers on the marble bar counter. “I want to tell you something.”

Curi searched for the remote, turned the volume down, and took a bite of her pancakes. She asked, “Why were you watching that?” Her mom had never seemed to be interested in soap operas.

Mom shook her head. “Nothing. That was something your daddy had on. He just likes to have the TV play.” She made a ‘tsk’ sound.

Curi drank more of her smoothie and coupled eggs and a piece of buttery pancake on her fork.

“Okay,” Curi mumbled. Somehow her food seemed more interesting than whatever her Mom had to say. She placed a particularly large pancake bite in her mouth.

“Baby, we are not having any more Andrews’ dinner parties.”

Curi almost choked. She wiped her watering eyes.

“Well, why not?” Curi exclaimed, managing to swallow her food. She quickly covered her mouth with her hands. Well, she hadn’t exactly liked the party yesterday, but Wolfeman’s story, fun with Toki, and the awkward moment with Cooleo had made the night end on a favorable note.

Her dad shoveled more scrambled eggs onto her plate from his frying pan. He set the pan down and sat on the other side of his wife. He looked amused leaning into his hand, he had definitely caught his daughter’s outburst of disappointment.

“Is this because the Digis didn't come this time?” Curi asked, recovering from the slip-up. “If parties are such a hassle, why even have them in the first place?”

“No, they are just too expensive,” her dad told her, rolling his eyes. “Curi, all throughout high school and college your mother and I never partied, so I guess we became obsessed with it after graduating. I had very little time for anything other than my studies.”

Mom touched her knee, smiling widely.

“I love having fun and meeting new people! We have thrown these parties since you were little. We have businessmen and women, singers, street people, politicians, clergymen, single parents, married parents, and the list goes on. We had the biggest turnout ever this year, and we barely were able to house them all,” her mom said, bursting with enthusiasm. Well, that was a mouthful, Curi thought.

Curi wondered if her mom knew how grateful she should have been to Wolfeman. The graphic work he had done on the fliers brought the extra people. If there had been party-crashers Curi had not noticed in the festivities. She had only been a greeter for less than ten minutes, so who knew how many people had slipped into their house unannounced? Thankfully, no one to her knowledge had stolen from their home in her absence.

“Wow. For you guys to be putting an end to the Andrews parties, you don’t sound too upset,” Curi said slowly, pushing her plate of food further down the counter. She chose her words with care and tried to mask her frown. “I guess the party would only be bigger next year. We would probably have to start renting out a house or something. But what are you guys gonna do now? You are known for parties.”

A part of her didn’t truly believe it. Sure, her parents claimed to not throw any more parties, but when the party-itch came they would succumb. Those two won’t make six-months party-free, Curi thought.

“Mmh-hmm.” Her mom hummed. “We are still hosting Thanksgiving this year because ya know yo momma can throw down on some food!” Mom’s southerner accent bled through her words. She could never truly hide her country upbringing, which made her daughter smile. “I gotta start planning out the menu now! And your dad will have to smoke the turkey and-”

“Mom! Thanksgiving is like five-six months away.” Curi pointed out.

Mom wiped imaginary sweat from her forehead, pushing her bangs upward.

“Sorry, momma has to get outta party-planning mode.”

Curi gave her a mom hug. How she truly loved the woman. No matter how talkative, raw, and silly her mom was, she was glad to have her.

“So... Who wants to help me clean the rest of the dishes?” Mom asked, withdrawing from their hug. Dad, in the midst of the emotional moment, had scurried back to the living room to watch his drama. Taveo had since finished his cereal and was chugging down chocolate milk straight from the carton.

“On that note, I'm going to my room,” Curi exited. Taveo offered to help, and Curi was glad he was acting like the model child while she went to watch cartoons.

-----

Curi looked out her bedroom window, thinking about previous Andrews’ parties. She still didn't know what her parents had hoped for her to gain through all the elaborate parties.

If she honestly thought about it, she liked having the stories to tell. It never failed to make her laugh, eye-roll, or cry at a memory from one of the events.

She did not want to become like her party animal parents, but one day she would throw a party, a Curi Andrews party. Hers would have no peanuts jars, but just close friends. 

--------------------

This is chapter ten of a story I wrote almost two years ago. I am posting each chapter now to get an idea what to edit for. 

Originally, this was supposed to be the end, but things changed. To be honest, this wouldn't have been a satisfying end anyway. Thanks for reading.


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Sat Jun 24, 2017 6:15 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Alternatively, I decide to procrastinate from writing my own story...

Nit-picks:

Once she had ignored all the foreign buts that had sat on it, she merrily slept the rest of the night.

Describing them as "foreign" as if it's a bad thing sounds kind of dodgy...

this is the only union I am pursuing

This is an example of the too complex language I mentioned a couple of reivews ago. It just doesn't sound realistic.

He set the pan down and sat on the other side of his wife.


I had very little time for anything other than my studies”

Missed a full stop.

Overall:

Character: I like Curi's mum here. There's a lot of depth to her. I'm still sad that there isn't more of her dad. I feel like I barely know him.

Setting: I really liked the bit about the sun coming in. Felt so tranquil after the chaos of the night before, was really like coming out the other end of a tunnel.

Plot: I can see how this could have been the ending, and if you had ended it there it would have been nice. I can really see how the parties and friendships are linked now, so you've done well there. I really, really need more about Ophelia though, and why on earth she decided to do this just to make life exciting. That sounds like something a faerie prince would do, like I was literally plotting for a faerie aristocracy to create a war because they're bored in a DnD campaign I'm running. But it doesn't sound like something a socially adept (or even competent) human being would do.

Flow: Look out for those overly complex words.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




Dest says...


Thanks! When I put foreign, I meant different bottoms than Curi's family or people she knew like strangers. I get that can be potentially offensive, so I decided to change that to "different/unknown."



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Sun May 21, 2017 9:39 pm
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Birdman wrote a review...



Hey there Dest. Birdman here, flying in to save your work from the green room.

I haven't read the chapters before it but I spotted your description about dropping bombs and figured I should come on over and check it out. I am certainly glad to find out you were not dropping actual bombs on the innocent characters of your novel. But onto the actual shockers revealed which don't really seem to shock the character. She seems to only be put off by not having access to one person and rather glad about the end of the parties. Sort of odd way to look at it but I guess in the long run exposes your character's true feelings about the inner workings of her family.

The dialogue is a bit wonky here and there. Just look at the example in the quote below to get this started.

Her mom sighed, “A part of me felt bad for his embarrassment and didn’t want to be rude. Back in college, my friends always hinted he liked me and Guillermo was so obvious even I knew he had a crush on me, but I thought he would have moved on.”

“I didn't want to be dismissive of his feelings, but I am married and this is the only union I am pursuing. Your daddy acts like an old man sometimes, but I love him.”

1. I feel like in that space in the middle there, there should be some sort of action by one of the characters, otherwise it's a bit awkward to split them up. You wouldn't stop a fight scene mid way just for the heck of it, so I'm wondering if there was something there or if this maybe just happened when you copied the novel over. From my brief dealings with the publishing center, I know it can happen. And if this wasn't an accidental thing, my suggestion of action comes back into light. You need to build a bridge in between those two things to keep the story rolling along.
2. The dialogue also feels a bit plain and the tags are sort of forced. The emotion of the entire thing really seems forced, as the character is balancing in between sarcasm and sadness, usually a mixture I would enjoy but it's not implemented well.

I really don't have that much more to say since the previous reviewer hit most of the nails on the head. I am also glad that the story didn't end at this point because it just seems like too much of a cliffhanger to leave it on. It does account for the speediness of the chapter but I hope to eventually read the rest of this.

I'm gonna be flying out now. Good luck on your edits.
Birdman




Dest says...


Thanks for reviewing, Birdman! I am in the midst of trying to edit this chapter again, so it flows better.



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Thu May 11, 2017 3:45 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Originally, this was supposed to be the end, but things changed. To be honest, this wouldn't have been a satisfying end anyway.


You definitely made the right choice to change your plans. There are way too many questions left right now! Like: what's Ophelia's deal and isn't she going to get her comeuppance? did Wolfeman achieve his goals by creating drama at the party? is Curi ever going to see him again?

It still has the feeling of trying to wrap up, though. Like, very quickly wrap up. We had all the drama last night (for reasons I still don't fully understand), but this morning Curi's perfectly fine and happy. Her parents decide not to throw any more parties, and everyone agrees it's all for the best. This line felt particularly wrap-up:

“Wow, Mom this took me by surprise,” Curi said slowly, pushing her plate of food further down the counter. “I am a bit disappointed, but I think this is good.


Mostly because Curi's just telling her parents outright exactly how she feels, which gives this dialogue an awkward, trying-to-finish-up-the-story feeling. But also because: aren't the parties kind of their family thing? isn't this like the end of an era? wouldn't they want to have one final (good) party to really bring things to a close? what about all the poor people who went to their party only to be harassed by Wolfeman?

I'm curious to see where you go with this, since this chapter isn't the end. I'm glad it's not, but it feels so much like it's trying to be that I have no predictions at all about what's going to happen next.

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Il faut imaginer Sisyphe heureux (One must imagine Sisyphus happy).
— Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus