Young Writers Society

Hi there! Ooh short chapter this time - I'll be able to do more today than I thought.

Nit-picks:

Great. Now, I am berating myself.

Too often she watched events play out around her and blended into the background. She did not like to draw attention to herself, but she needed to learn to speak up.

“I was “humming” by the way, not singing.”

Hello again, Dest!
I see you're editing and chopping up Dreaded Dinner Party into halves of chapters and such, so I thought I'd give this a review.

I love how you're trying to show more of Curi's thoughts and personality. I, the reader, can obtain more of an idea of what she's like, why she does things, why she says things, etc., etc. Simple dialogue and actions really doesn't enhance a story, so I'm liking the route you're taking. You've also, I noticed, described Curi's physical appearance a little bit more and yay! to that. : )

I really did not see much of a problem with this short little segment: the plot is good and understandable and I liked how you mentioned Ophelia once more as a little reminder; Curi's stressing, I would be, too. The only few minor details that caught my eye were well, what else but Grammar Errors! (I know, I know, meet pkid)

In the first paragraph you have this whole section beginning with "She" which bothered me a bit. I totally recommend you begin a couple of the sentences with a different word - first, let me show you:

She liked herself very much, but she wished she didn't overthink things. She couldn't stop second-guessing her conversations with the poster-boy of friendliness, Toki. She did not like the Digis but couldn't do anything aside from silently disliking them. She got mad at Cooleo for the smallest things and always ended up regretting it.

She hung her shirt up and slang the black pants on the closet door.

Her Mom actually shutting her door back didn't seem like a change that was going to happen.

Hello! Squirtlepowiee here for another review!
“Curi monologued in her head a lot, sometimes in praise or criticism. No one knew how many one-sided conversations she had. She liked herself very much, but she wished she didn't overthink things. She couldn't stop second-guessing her conversations with the poster-boy of friendliness, Toki. She did not like the Digis but couldn't do anything aside from silently disliking them. She got mad at Cooleo for the smallest things and always ended up regretting it. He was not the worst boy in the world. Great. Now, she had turned to berating herself.” In this entire paragraph, I wasn’t sure where she was talking to herself and which part was just a side note. Maybe a bit clearer or italicizing her thoughts? Also, monologued is not a word.

“What needed to change was mental.” This is a funky sentence. Rephrase to, “What she needed, or more accurately, wanted to change was her [mental state, mentality, how she thought].”

“I am done!” she said aloud.” There is nothing wrong with this sentence, but it is better if you are more formal in writing and less in dialogue. This means that when someone isn’t speaking, you can write I am or would not, stuff like that. But in dialogue, informal speech is more natural, unless in certain situations.

“Mom rolled her eyes and waved her daughter off, “Same thang.” Did you mean thing?

“Her Mom actually shutting her door back didn't seem like a change that was going to happen.” In the previous sentence, she refers to her mom as “Mom”. This is a proper noun. In this sentence, a proper noun is not used, so “Her mom” would be sufficient enough.

Overall, great story. I recommend running it through a spell check to check for mistakes. It can save you from going back later. I love the plot and how you wrote the story. Remember when to use proper nouns and when they don’t need to be used. I hope I wasn’t too harsh in my review. Please keep writing!
~Greetings from Squirtlepowiee