A cul de sac

This poem's main strength is it's rhythm. It has a sort of nightmarish quality in the pitter-patter sounds, which I bbelieve is due in part to the effective short sentences. Another thing that benefits this nightmarish quality is the use of the word "it" to refer to something the reader doesn't know about. This reflects the way that in nightmares you have something urgent to do, but you don't know what it is.
The only criticism I would give is that the punctuation is a little inconsistent, but that is easily fixed.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!

Hi there.

I really like he format here. The use of italics and print is just that bit odd and different to set this apart.

There are also some really fantastic lines in here.

"The pearls of the opaque eyes"

Which is just fantastically done.

Well done.

My absolute favorite line, out of the entire poem, is this one,

The pearls of the opaque eyes

I like how you put feeling into this; when I read this it felt like there was something behind the words. to me it kind of seemed like you (or the character I guess) was trying to get through the process of something repeating it's-self. The first stanza makes me think that the character is dying slowly inside, possibly because of loss. i really like this piece though because i really have to think to get the meaning out of it. I believe you did a wonderful job using the description as well.
really well written!

--Ash.

I have been blinder than the alley

I really liked it!

Wanted to see what you could do!

Wow, I find this powerful, but a little strange with the lines interspersed like that.

In the last two stanzas I had a hard time understanding the italicized lines. They're the ones I find the most strange.

Also, why is this called cul de sac?

Overall, there is a memorable quality here, and I seem to adore the strangeness.
So, my final vote is: I like it.

Hey Dem, here by request .

Hmm... YWS just ate my review. Let's try again. Anyway, because I'm going to be of little use here, I'll go ahead and look at another one for you.

Its soothing power holds me tight

I liked it. Did you know cul de sac is Latin for "Bottom of the bag"? I like how you mix in the italicized lines. It really draws your eye to the poem. Maybe I'm just picky, but you could've added some more punctuation. But with the poem itself, I couldn't find anything wrong. Great job.

Darkness wraps me inside

Ever, ever again

Its soothing power holds me tight

Why in the name of Lord, why?

It won't let me go, still I feel free

But I'm not sorry.
I love this as your starting stanza Demeter, it's great


My lashes reach for the ceiling

I have been blinder than the alley

But I see nothing

There wasn't a thing I didn't see

The pillow of the night descends on my eyes
I adore that line
Now I am a strong birch tree



There's nothing here I miss

Golden chain through my fingers

All of it has gone away

The pearls of the eyes

But maybe that's best for me

A cul de sac – once again.
Great ending too

Hey Demeter

Ok; I really enjoyed this poem. You choose great words to depict your message, this creates a fantastic image of what you are trying to portray. Like mentioned before you choose great language, words and metaphors. My favourite line has to be:

The pillow of the night descends on my eyes

I loved this poem. I really did Demeter. It was great, I couldn't find any mistakes, except maybe:

The pillow of the night descends on my eyes

I'd maybe just have
The pillow of the night descends my eyes
The on seems to slightly disrupt the fantastic flow, but if you like it, then it's fine to keep it. Just a matter of preference. Keep writing poetry, it's great and PM me if you've got anything else you'd like me to review

This is another one of your great poems. I didn't quite understand the begining, I think you could've explained a lot more. The size of your poem could have been a lot bigger, too. Was the character you were explaining going between thinking and reality, because I think that was the part that confused me the most. You have a different way of writing and hopefully you never change that. I like your style. Can't wait for more. Now i understand that you were telling two stories in one!!Nice!!

Hey! I love this poem, another person said this too but it's very unique. I really don't have anything to critique you on.

The pillow of the night descends on my eyes

Hello D, of course I'll critique your poem. I actually thought I'd reviewed it before, but I must have read it late one night before going to bed. So here I am!

Man, this was an interesting read. All of your work, and it's s trait that prevails whether your writing prose, non-fiction or poetry, has an honest, flawless conviction to it. I like the way your able to articulate your thoughts clearly to the reader, and there's always a strong emotion to your words, especially in this, that makes reading this very rewarding and endearing.

The poem itself is surprisingly complex, so much so that I actually had to re-read it several times to understand the overall theme of the poem. What I interpreted the meaning as was a dead end of sorts, the way the speaker feels like the walls are closing in on them, and the frustration is played out expertly in a couple of good metaphors. The birch tree is great, although I'm slightly confused by this one:

Golden chain through my fingers

Hey, Demeter! What's up?

Before I begin, I have to tell you that I haven't been especially great with critiquing poems, so this might be full of praises. But hey, we all need an uplifting comment every now and then.

Why in the name of Lord, why?

It won't let me go, still I feel free

I agree, an excellent poem. The fact that you symbolize both development, and the end of said development (which is commanly forgotten by many writers symbolising such objectisisym) is breathtaking.

I might suggest something. Firstly, this suggestion has nothing to do about critisizing your work, as it is fantastic. But I merely suggest that you might try to write in a thrid person view. Though it is found enjoyable to portray one's self, to portray one's self through another is fascinating.

Great poem. Very unique and innovative vocabulary, such as using an alleyway to capture an atmosphere of bleakness, darkness, and as you put it, blindness.

Now I am a strong birch tree