A spinster-to-be
Yes, that is me
No one to call
No one at all
No one to catch
When I fall.
A spinster-to-be
can already see
what lies there in store
for her – more and more
evenings alone,
nights galore.
But a spinster-to-be –
someone like me –
could never care
would never dare
to consider it
other than fair.
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139,447 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Hello again! Go blue!
This was really nice, and I am certain that it is an original subject matter!
The thing that I really liked about this was the rhythm and rhyme, both worked extremely well together. The almost constant centering of line length around four syllables was brilliant (my positive adjective vocabulary is running out), and read easily.
A teeny tiny minute criticism here, and that is the fifth and sixth lines, the last two of the first verse, could, methinks, be improved by the insertion of word "me", just after the word catch. This would make more sense in my opinion.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
I really like this!
The flow in it is very good. I like many parts of the poem but I would probably have to say that my least favourite part is the end because it just seemed to let me down a bit. I can't pt my finger on what it was exactly but there's something.
It was especially good in my opinion because you kept the same rhythm very well all the way through your poem which is definitely a good thing!
The best part of your poem in my opinion is the first paragraph. I also liked the second but my favourite is definitely the first paragraph.
It was quite humourous for me. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be but for some reason it seemed like that to me.
Overall I really liked this and I can't wait to read some more of of your work!
Keep writing!
Meg x-x
Not a review, just my opinion=D
it was a very original take on things; a different persepctive.
I liked it
Love the rhyming scheme, dont know what it's called but I Like it
I thought your poem was very delightful. You wrote in rhyme and kept in up throughout the whole poem. Stanza one was great no problems. Stanza two had this line in it I though was funny
It just tripped me up when I was read, where as the rest of you poem was a smooth as silk. I didn't really get the line either.
Then in stanza three this line
It just sounds like you're repeating yourself, but I understand why you wrote it like that.
I think that as last lines go this was a let down. This didn't leave an impression like last lines are suppost to.
But over all great!
Kay
I loved the 1st and 2nd paragrapgh and the rhyming in all of them was excellent!
Only problem i had was the 2nd paragraph
rhyming Is great that isn't a problem. just the 3rd-4th lines are too long...You should take out a few words or adjust it a bit...like in a way " what lies people store, for her, always more" or something iek that. (bad example i know)
liked it though=) you put real feeling in it
Demi! It's June!
I believe I owe you reviews! *growls* You didn't tell me you posted anything new!
Let's take a look at this: *looks*
Hm, nothing major here, so I'll begin my unnecessary nitpicks!
There's something about poems that have slight punctuation that bothers me
See, a ending a stanza is like... putting a period to the end-- if your poem is unpunctuated, it doesn't need it, but since you're using a comma in this, I feel that punctuation is a little necessary, dear.
*
Anyway! Moving on!
This poem had a very catchy rhythm to it. The rhyme scheme was perfect, and it never seemed forced, dear.
I agree with thunder, though. It kind of left us abruptly and of course, I always am slightly disappointed when I want something to continue. It's up to you to continue it!
Overall (if you can't tell!) I loved it. Gold star!
Keep it up!
June
Hiya! Nothing special to post here... Critiquing poems isn't my forte.
Anyway, I found that I liked the poem! It seemed a bit humorous to me. Am I wrong to feel that? If so, sorry.
I liked the shortness, the choppiness of it.
Overall, very well written! Bye!
*Evi alert*
Hola Dem, fancy seeing you here!
This would have to be 'no one to catch me when I fall' if you were going for the traditional meaning. If you're aware that you forgot the 'me', then I suppose this was on purpose to add an extra twist? That's kinda cool.
If you did add a 'me', it could be:
No one to catch me
Whenever I fall
To give those extra syllables. I'm a syllable freak.
I think you can change the first 'A' to 'This' to add that it's you you're talking about, since you used first person in the first stanza. And take out the 'there', perhaps. Again, syllables. And does that really make sense with it?
I'd add an 'anything' either at the end of the top line or the beginning of the bottom. *shrug* Just a personal opinion. It's fine without it too.
I think this is an interesting theme for a poem; instead of looking at yourself as someone without anyone to love you, you look at yourself as a spinster-to-be. Thinking ahead, are we?
You have such short lines that I can't ramble on about rhythym, and your rhyming was superb. Especially since it's such a short piece! I like its choppiness, though.
Hope this was helpful? PM me for anything!
~Evi
I'm loving this, you all.
Hello, Demeter! I feel the need to make my horrendously small review to post ratio a little better, so...here I am.
Anyway, let's take a look here...
The first stanza is all good.
Now, the second...
Lines 3 and 4 are a bit too long - where the other lines had the same meter as the previous stanza, those two lines changed. As a result, it feels...off.
Stanza 3 has a similar issue, this time with the last two lines - the meter is, again, off, because they are too long.
Now, moving from that to the actual idea and emotion behind the poem...
I truly like the idea of the poem itself, and I like this poem. My only true complaint would be that the ending is rather abrupt. I'd recommend adding a fourth stanza - this will preferably end in the line "spinster to be", which will give a nice wrap up to it. Ending in the title will give you a nice wrap up and improve the overall poem.
Overall, 4/5 stars.