Happy New Year from the Keepers!

Hello, Flumadiddle!

I'm here for a quick review. Let me preface this with two things: One, it's been a while since I've written a review, so I might be a bit rusty on that front. Two, I have not read the other chapters in your novel. Here, I will be focusing on grammar, description, and what I thought about the short story as its own work. I might infer things about the work that could be wrong, so feel free to correct me should I make a mistake.

So, you guys are shit-heads at the moment. I thought while

Thoughts follow the same rules as quotes when it comes to punctuation, so that period should turn into a comma. Typically, whenever there is a dialogue tag, the sentence will end with a comma as opposed to a period.

The main reason I point this out is because a majority of the dialogue in this work ends with a period instead of a comma. In fact, in the very next instance of dialogue, the sentence is ended with a period instead of a comma! This is an easy fix.
Here's a quick Knowledge Base article on the subject for more information.

I thought while helping Griffin peal off J.

It took me a few rereads to figure out that Nayleth was pealing J off of Griffin and not doing something else. Given that the sentence is unclear, a quick fix is probably in order. I'd replace it with, "[...]while pealing J off of Griffin" or "[...]while helping Griffin peal a [clingy/sloppy/drunken] J off of himself." I will admit the latter fix is a bit clunky, but I hope it might be of some use. Especially since the actual sentence isn't really... descriptive about what J is doing to Griffin. Is J hugging Griffin and not letting go? Has she wrapped her arms around Griffin's legs? Is she sitting on Griffin? A few descriptive sentences would help really establish how truly drunk J is.

Sully, on the other hand, was crying because I had taken his revolver (a gift from his father), to check it out.

Was there any particular reason that Nayleth wanted to check out the revolver? It seems like a rather odd decision to specifically point out (and then bring reference to by mentioning if Sully was crying or not crying in later brief descriptions) and then never elaborate on it. I was sort of expecting the usage of Chekhov's gun, which is primarily the reason I bring it up.

These two were horrible drunks. And before I go any further, let's explain. Full-metas (me and Griffin), can't get drunk. The drinking age and adulthood age in Intermudos is eighteen. J and Sully are eighteen. It's New Years eve. Got it? No? Don't care.

This specific information dump feels out of place and kind of hostile towards the reader. The information in this paragraph could easily have been sprinkled here and there, whether it be through small actions or bits of self-referential dialogue. Perhaps Nayleth making a joke about how she was glad she couldn't get drunk and telling Griffin that she's glad that he's sober, or maybe even admonishing Sully and J for having way too much alcohol while adding in that they've only been legally allowed to drink for 4 months. Small things like that allow the natural flow of the story to continue and forgo the narrator telling the reader that she doesn't care if they understand.

I opened the door, Grim finally getting J off of Griffin and handing both J and Sully water.

Wait, so Nayleth hadn't managed to succeed earlier when attempting to help?

I'm noticing that a lot of description is sparse in this short story, which lends to some confusion. But even if there wasn't a fair bit of confusion in regards to action,
a little bit of description would still go a long way for setting atmosphere and tone.
This Knowledge Base article might be helpful in terms of showing and telling. And this other KB article on description might also prove useful.

"[...]And dammit Sully, sit down to drink the water."

A vocative comma is needed right before Sully's name.

"Grim, you are a life saver, really. And dammit Sully, sit down to drink the water." I said while Sully danced around the room, no longer crying, his water spilling. Sully sat down on the ground, grinning drunkenly.

Facepalming, I walked over to Sully.

Personally, I'd replace that last instance of Sully with "him", just to decrease the amount of repetition and to improve the flow.

After me and Griffin tucked them into bed,

For instances of me/myself/I followed by a second person accompanying the action, the correct pronoun would be the one that could stand on its own if the second person was removed. "After me tucked them into bed" doesn't make any sense, but "After I tucked them into bed" does make sense. Therefore, it'd be "After Griffin and I".

cookies n' cream

Minor criticism. Typically, it'd be "cookies 'n' cream" or "cookies 'n cream".

He took out the cookies n' cream ice cream, grabbing all of our ice cream ingredients too.

Milk, vanilla extract, salt, eggs, and custard? Although, since he's grabbing cookies 'n' cream ice cream, I would imagine he wouldn't need ingredients to go along with that. Perhaps "toppings" would be a good replacement to "ingredients".

Sometimes I forget that that still happens, even when I am not in my form.

Waving the smoke away, I set the drinks down and help Griffin with whipped-cream.

He always struggled with the spray-cheese-canister-thing that it came in.

The two words highlighted in red are in present tense and this story takes place in the past.
The words highlighted in blue -- whipped cream -- actually doesn't have a hyphen between the two words in most uses.
The description highlighted in purple isn't incorrect, but it's a clunky way of describing the object. It's a stylistic choice on your end, however just saying aerosol can might work instead. Especially since, according to my research, sprayable whipped cream came before sprayable cheese.
Also, wouldn't it be steam instead of smoke?

Griffin smiled grimly, then scooped a big glob of whipped cream from his bowl.

"No, don't do it. Gri-" I began but he beat me to it. Wiping of the sweet substance, I glared at him.

Was there any particular reason to skip over the action where Griffin throws whipped cream onto Nat? I don't really see one and it causes the transition to be clunky and odd.

The last POV switch was a bit sudden and I'm not really sure if it's justifiable, given the fact that Griffin is only the POV character for four lines. Also, while the relation between Nat feeling like she's a total mess and Griffin loving her for the mess she that she is is sweet, I'm still not sure if that completely justifies the POV switch. I feel as if most of the action done by Griffin in his section could have easily been heard or felt by Nat (except for his inner thoughts, of course).

This work might really benefit from a redrafting and some minor grammar editing, with rewriting a few sections here and there. I'm still not entirely sure of the... purpose of this short story. What Nayleth is struggling with is never defined and is vague, and the rest of the story is pretty much filler. While no action needs to be had for a short story to be fulfilling, some insight and some feeling as if the characters were in a different spot from where they began would be nice.

I really do hope that you keep on writing! If you have any questions, then feel free to let me know. If you have any comments or concerns or if you feel like I've gotten anything wrong, then feel free to let me know. I'd love to hear from you.

-C