Let Go

Hullo.

My main concern in this poem is the way in which the poet has utilised imagery; however, I'll try to talk about the more concrete stuff as well, like structure, flow, and the conveyance of main ideas. It's been a while since I last reviewed, so forgive the choppiness of my critique, please!

What I like is that the images you put forward bear a semblance of similarity to one another, and that helps in making the overall image appear more robust. webs --> dew --> cocoons all link up to one another with garden/insect imagery, but while the images themselves are present, there's nothing tying them together. They're floating mid-air, and that lends the poem a lazy, aimless feel which does little to capture the feeling of vertigo and hopelessness normally associated with falling.

I feel like you could make the overall image stronger, maybe by incorporating images of the addressee more freely interacting with the web and cocoon they've created for themself. Nearing the last lines, I couldn't help but think of a butterfly refusing to come out of its cocoon and injuring itself in the process. Hence the falling. I think the reason I fail to connect emotionally to the piece is because we can't really get into what exactly the addressee's situation is, or how it relates to the narrator's own set of circumstances. It's all rather vague, with hints at connectivity rather than connectivity in itself.

In a nutshell, what I gleaned from the poem: the narrator is talking to a person who is trying to hold on to what we may assume to be an eventful, happy past, with many blissful memories. We may also assume that the person to whom the narrator is speaking to is no longer happy. But why is the past so important to the narrator's addressee? Why can they not survive without it? In what way is it important for them to hold on to the cobwebs of memory that they have so painstakingly built? The fact that they are cocooned within their past implies that their past have helped them to grow, to blossom into a butterfly. But the fact that they stubbornly try to hold on to it has only hindered their survival. I feel like 'is falling' is a weak, watery way of stating this fact, and that you could make the ending much stronger.

On structure: while I appreciate poetry being used as a form of visual art as well, the spacing the poet has employed with 'is//falling' is something I have seen too often; it's not new any more, and it does nothing to support the message of the poem. I like how you've refrained from using any punctuation throughout the piece, except at the end--it hints at a bleak sort of finality, which is nice. I also think, however, that with falling being a process and not an end in itself, it should not be portrayed as the latter. Falling is continuous. It's the impact that hurts, the crunch of bones on gravel, the moment when the butterfly's wings are crushed into fine dust. And that impact is never reached within the moment that this poem captures. So, yeah, I don't think there should be a period at the end of the poem. Ultimately, though, that is your decision to make!

While there's a great deal of visual imagery in the piece, I feel like some sound/touch/smell imagery would help support the already-present visual images and make the moment a lot more vivid for the reader's understanding.

Overall, lovely piece! I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work.

Keep writing! Hope this helped.

~Pomp

Hi DappledCities, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.

Title: I'm not that sure about the title that you had with your poem. It doesn't really go with the theme of the poem. Just my opinion though.

Theme: I really like the cocoon theme you had going in this poem. It made the poem colourful and interesting for me. I'll talk more about it in description.

Rhythm: Your rhythm was a bit hard to figure out, since you don't have any punctuation. I'm sure that if you put a bit of punctuation in there it would be great. You do have a pattern in the poem with one line short then the next long, it made the rhythm interesting.

Description: Now on to description, my favourite part. Using webs and cocoons in the poem was a really good idea and helped make this poem interesting. It gave me some great pictures in my head while reading it.

Grammar and Punctuation: Your grammar is perfect, but I think the biggest problem with your poem is the lack of punctuation. Here's a link to some information on poetry punctuation since I'm terrible at it https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=12474.

Overall this was a great poem and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.

Your friend, Felistia.

Hullo!

1. I think rather than of yesterday that from yesterday would sound better as it would continue the sort of f sound you have with flimsy and threads.

2. Love the subtle rhymes, especially exists and amidst - very nice!

3. I'm not sure on the ending. I don't think it packs as much of a punch as the rest of the poem in terms of imagery or sound. I think the visual image is nice but falling is very over used and I think if the poem is going to be about someone who is free falling through life then there needs to be more of a story to back it up.

Overall

I think this started out strong and the use of second person worked well to draw the reader in but maybe it needs to be a bit longer and to cover more emotions/ to attach this imagery to events in a person's life? That would also give the rhythm a chance to really take hold and build to a crescendo.

Thanks for the read!

~Heather

Hello,
I found this poem very well written and a beautiful elegance about the way the words flow. The only thing overall I would recommend is taking a second look at grammar and some capitalization. Overall very good.