She sat, pen ready and paper clean cut and pristine. Like all the other times, this would be no different. The words would come and she would twist and hack into them so that the world would understand what they meant.
So that she would understand...today was no different.
She noticed the pen shook slightly in her hand, as if it were about to erupt from all the things she was holding in. Breathe In. So she lifted her hand and slammed it on the paper for she was going to translate the thundering skies and glorious mountains. For she would sow the seeds that will explode in the hearts of the old and cause the whispering, secretive trees to roar in utter fury and lash out against the immense clap of the winds.
But none of it came.
When she realised it, she knew. She knew that the very thing that kept her sane was slowly devouring her day by day. The pen that she held did not fit comfortably as it once did, instead it burned and sizzled at her touch. She had put so much of herself into the world and onto the paper that she felt herself beginning to fade. Her words that comforted her when storms poured into her heart, the words that she moulded and manipulated into extravagant golds and silvers and exuberantly lush frocks and coats.
Why did they not come to her like they always did?
Her world was not the bleak room she sat in or the grey clothes she wore. Her world was in the strokes and lilts of her pen which danced on the paper leaving a trail of shocking scandal or screams left dribbling in the black air. Leaving a trail of words that she weaved into a cloak to shroud her eyes from the dreary truths of this world.
She let the pen drop onto the hauntingly cold paper. Empty paper. The words did not come because she did not know yet. The undiscovered truth that was hidden inside her locked heart all this time was now free and she slowly realised. The realisation was that she was confused. Words aren't meant to be confusing. She had melded the words into something that only puzzled her.
So she waited.
She knew that when the time came; when she would know what to say...
The words would be simple
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140,118 Literary Works • 673,019 Reviews
this was beautiful and very relatable
Hey.
Okay, good topic, good content and here comes the hats off!! I found no technical glitches at all. But the pace was all too slow and steady, make it a bit more exciting.
"She noticed the pen shook slightly in her hand, as if it were about to erupt from all the things she was holding in. Breathe In. So she lifted her hand and slammed it on the paper for she was going to translate the thundering skies and glorious mountains. For she would sow the seeds that will explode in the hearts of the old and cause the whispering, secretive trees to roar in utter fury and lash out against the immense clap of the winds."
MY FAVORITE PART. Honestly it was awesome, something that kept me going on. Kudos.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
Thank you so much !
Apologies for somehow submitting that 3 times...
Dear DappledCities,
Wow. Literal shivers. I have goosebumps. This is amazing. Have you ever read anything by Virginia Woolf? She was a famous writer during the 1940s. Your writing style reminds me a lot of hers. She has this piece in particular, I believe it's called "The Angel in the Room" or something if the sort...? Look it up, I think you would enjoy it.
Now, you listed this under poetry. I wouldn't really call it that. It's more of a dramatic short story??
I think what first drew me to your story was the title. "Evanescence". Beautiful.
There was so much emotion and passion behind your writing. You really felt for the protagonist and what she was going through. The ability to build such a character without divulging her name, background or personality is a real skill you've seemed to have mastered. Though readers don't know anything about this girl they can still connect with her.
Again, incredible. Keep it up!
Yours truly,
TheGirlNexfDoor
Dear DappledCities,
Wow. Literal shivers. I have goosebumps. This is amazing. Have you ever read anything by Virginia Woolf? She was a famous writer during the 1940s. Your writing style reminds me a lot of hers. She has this piece in particular, I believe it's called "The Angel in the Room" or something if the sort...? Look it up, I think you would enjoy it.
Now, you listed this under poetry. I wouldn't really call it that. It's more of a dramatic short story??
I think what first drew me to your story was the title. "Evanescence". Beautiful.
There was so much emotion and passion behind your writing. You really felt for the protagonist and what she was going through. The ability to build such a character without divulging her name, background or personality is a real skill you've seemed to have mastered. Though readers don't know anything about this girl they can still connect with her.
Again, incredible. Keep it up!
Yours truly,
TheGirlNexfDoor
Thank you ! You've no idea how happy this makes me!
Dear DappledCities,
Wow. Literal shivers. I have goosebumps. This is amazing. Have you ever read anything by Virginia Woolf? She was a famous writer during the 1940s. Your writing style reminds me a lot of hers. She has this piece in particular, I believe it's called "The Angel in the Room" or something if the sort...? Look it up, I think you would enjoy it.
Now, you listed this under poetry. I wouldn't really call it that. It's more of a dramatic short story??
I think what first drew me to your story was the title. "Evanescence". Beautiful.
There was so much emotion and passion behind your writing. You really felt for the protagonist and what she was going through. The ability to build such a character without divulging her name, background or personality is a real skill you've seemed to have mastered. Though readers don't know anything about this girl they can still connect with her.
Again, incredible. Keep it up!
Yours truly,
TheGirlNexfDoor
Yes, this is going to be a review...
To begin, I will take to notice that you classified this into "poetry" although it is a piece written in paragraphs and not broken d own into stanzas. If a poem is what you intended it to be, then you should have broken it down into stanzas with a flowing rhythm to avoid confusion.
The punctual mistakes were very minor. You forgot to put a period at the end of your last sentence. Another thing is when you write ellipses, you should space after the last dot and capitalize the word after. This makes it easier to read.
I felt that you could have added more description of the female writing. What is her name, or what does she look like? I noticed that you were spot on with your figurative language. Maybe you could've put some of your skill into describing her physical features.
You capitalized the word 'in' in the sentence 'Breathe in.' Following this you wrote,
"So she lifted her hand and slammed it on the paper for she was going to translate the thundering skies and glorious mountains."
I wouldn't have added the word 'so' in there, and I would have added a comma after the word 'paper' to make it read more smoothly. After this sentence, you started another with 'for.' This sounds rough on the tongue because it repeats so close together.
Overall, I liked it, but it could use a few tweaks.
Thanks for the critique!
No, I didn't.