Sultry, boppin' golds
poured into the molten night.
Give me a warm drink.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,134 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey there! This is a great haiku! You manage to create a picture of a dim room with a jazz band and good food within such a short space. Your word choice for this is phenomenal!I really love the idea of gold tones in the night. I only have a few suggestions. The word 'give' in the last line seems out of context. I feel like a more friendly word could be used like 'pour'. Just a suggestion. Another totally optional recommendation is to add one or two more separate haikus to create a story or longer description. This poem by itself is amazing! Thanks for the read!
Hi! herbgirl here a review!
So, to start, this is really short, so it's a little difficult to review, but it's so beautiful I think you deserve some feedback. That's my first point. The imagery in this poem is so simple, yet so beautiful. You can easily picture this beautiful scene of music and fun. I love jazz, and blues, so I feel like this poem represents the sort of heart of these styles of music.
The one thing that I would recommend for this is to make it longer. I do admire how you were able to convey such a powerful emotion in such a short poem, but I think that by elongating it you would really be able to drive home the feeling.
Anyways, good job! I love this poem, keep up the good work!
herbgirl