"Midway upon the journey of our life / I found myself within a forest dark, / For the straightforward pathway had been lost." –Dante, Inferno
~
I wake
the darkness
is green with the glow of a clock
the hands of doubt
hold me close and lovely
a spider clutching a moth
a quilt crowds the murky spaces
gathered in my slumbering arms and chest
brimful with goose bumps and unbelief
I rise
my tender feet on the frosty floor
the lowest circle
hatred clings to the air like the smell of snow
there are dead sounds
from the milky clawfoot tub being filled
with what the water gave me
it wants me to climb in
slide into its smooth white
dark womb and drown myself
I walk through those
sinking calls that fall
on my shoulders like branches of suicides
I reach
across the room that curls like a sickle
past the door to the stairs
blue with the promise of vita nuova
but at night all straight paths to paradise are lost
the basement rooms
are crying mouths
I leave
the house that sleeps
I go out into the dusky grasses and hills
beyond the range of Stonewick and Poland Hill
as sure as the dawn he will appear
so I wait for his edge to mark the fog-colored sky
scattered with pearly stars
when he breaks upon the black hair of the trees and rises
he bleeds like red ink on white paper
and bleaches me
his hand falls and wounds me
suspending all my senses
faith
frothy like sea foam
leaves me chasmless and God-heavy
atheism
like dead men's bones
is lost among the woods
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Very interesting Mr. Bond.
Normally I dislike a lack of punctuation but here I see that their is reasoning; it is so because that helps emphasize the confusion of your atheist state.
The descriptive language here is ama, it really is a brilliant merge between description and metaphor.
Little criticism now: At the beginning of the poem you have separate two word imperatives. However later anything that could be them are no longer separate. I recommend separating them because they were very good.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Hey there beccalicious94 here to review your piece!
I would just like to start off by saying this is one of the stronger pieces I've seen on YWS, so you should be proud of yourself. I love the beautiful images of this poem, specifically "branches of suicides" and "brimful with goose bumps and unbelief". I also liked the allusions to vita nuova and paradise lost. Great job! Hope to see more of your writing, write on!
Hello!
Emilykay10144 here...
I really like this poem. I am a follower of Christ and I think this is a an amazing piece. It is really deep and you explain to the readers of how you will get nothing with atheism.
First, did you mean shameless? or charmless or is that a word. Just wondering...
Second, I love these lines. They speak truth and that is what we were called here to do.
Bravo!
Keep up the amazing work!
-Emilykay10144
Thanks for the review. A "chasm" is an empty space. So, in the context of the poem, faith fills all of the chasms in me, leaving me chasmless. It is also a vague reference to the parable of Lazarus and the Rich Man.
Oh, that makes sense