Eva May wore chainmail to keep out the dark.
She went around fastening windows and lamps over the places
Where shrouds once hung somberly.
But the dark’s hands covered her ears, so she took off her armor,
And fled to the clouds where she would no longer be deaf
To heaven’s choirs.
In the sky, the stars gathered themselves around her face—
Her own Transfiguration:
Divine.
She watches over her daughters and the children.
She is the sun, a spark clinging to their clothes,
A face spilling over their shoulders
So that there are no shadows in front of them.
~
Christina had bones like leaves and they tickled her when she walked.
She wore her mother’s chainmail when she met the dark,
Who would never laugh.
She was burned by its hands, set alight by malignancy,
And left the smoking armor pooled on the ground.
But her hair was her standard, her Jesu Maria,
And when the dark cut it, she left it for the children.
She is the leaves of autumn—red, yellow, and orange—
That fall to paint pale hands:
Sublime.
She stands in the air, light, floating, dancing, rising.
Her eyes are prisms, bursting with levity.
~
These unknown saints, these queens of heaven,
Who glimmered pink and gold in their chainmail,
Wait for Sandra, a daughter and sister,
Who cannot yet leave the ground.
She pulls on the twice-used chainmail,
And surrenders parts of herself to the dark’s hands and teeth,
So that it might spare the children:
Sacrifice.
She awaits the day when God will choose her,
When she will have her Assumption,
Pass on her armor, and rise away
From the fiery stake of good witches, from the breaking wheel of princesses,
From the snowy summit of Calvary hill.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
Before saying anything I must mention that I'm quite new at this. My view of reviewing is simple -read it, and give your honest opinion of it. Having said what I have said you may want to take my review with reserve as it is more of an opinion than educated review.
I enyojed your poem very much, as it has all the elements I personally enjoy in poetry. It had beautiful yet mystical rhymes combined with a topic that is seemingly simple and yet if watch closely somewhat magical. The way you desrcibed the passing of the armor onto generations is just suberb. And I might be a lenient critic but I can't find any fault in this particular poem (I say "particular" as this is your first work I have read- which is undestandle as it is the first work I've seen on this site)
Keep up the good work,
ObserverxD
Hi, Tulip here for a review on your poem Chainmail Girls.
I loved this poem, not only for it's wonderful use of imagery and simple yet elegant vocabulary. I loved how it flowed nicely togehter.
I love how it goes through different people in the space of the poem. I believe it is a grandmother, then her daughter, and then finally the granddaughter. I love how you have it flowing through them, like a family heirloom that is passed generation to generation. I love how well you did.
I can't seem to find anything wrong with this poem for I like to focus on the positives, and honestly I can't find anything wrong or bad about it. I love the format and I love the poem.
Wait, I'm suppose to review this? Like analyze it and tell you what's good and what's not and give you advice? Sorry, Cole. I can't, my brain is reeling from what I had just read. This is absolutely beautiful, just stunning. It is ethereal as it is heart-felt and beautiful at the same time, I'm not going to lie to say I completely understood this because i didn't. But this poem looked like something that belongs in a published book. Is that good. I think what happens here, are three sisters whom have sacrificed themselves for their daughters and it feels like it is set in a medieval setting. In here, you have created a tapestry of sacrificial love. Which really, is a hard enough topic to write about but you nailed it!
I want to say this is where simplicity is the best, but I can't. Because you used quite a lot of descriptive words that contributed to the whole atmosphere of the poem, but your wording is concise to express what you want so that it doesn't ladder down your poem. And at the same time, you make every little detail important and beautiful. Your sentences varied from shor to long which is good but it didn't interrupt the rhythm of the poem.
But most of all, I just loved what you have written about. Is amazing, absolutely stunning. Sorry if I can't offer you any constructive critism, I just don't want to nitpick this poem at all.
Great epic awesome poem. Keep on writing, I want to read more!
-S.s