z

Young Writers Society



Autumn Chapter 1

by CocoaCat


This chapter is longer that a lot of the others, they are relatively short; bear with me

Moon

"Come on Dapple, you can do it." The Alpha female was already too far gone.

  "No, the others didn't make it, what makes you so sure that this one will?" The she-wolf's golden pelt was plastered to her sides, slick with sweat. Dapple grunted as another spasm shook her frail body.

 "She deserves the deaths, that's what comes from mating with an outsider." A muscular black male sat in the entrance to the den, his white face and paws illuminated in the moonlight.

  "Hush, River! You provide no support for her? She is your alpha!" The black male lunged toward the helping female.

  "Not anymore! Dapple has gone behind my tail and mated with another male; a loner no less! I chose her for her loyalty! Apparently I chose the wrong mate." River stalked out of the den, his tail held high.

  The she-wolf's last cry pierced the air. Another pup slid onto the dusty floor of the den. Moon felt it's chest; still. No breathe went in or out of the young one's muzzle.

  "You've done it, Dapple, it's over now." The two females glanced with grief back at the stillborn pups, none survived. Dapple lifted her head to look Moon in the eyes, her paw resting on the white female's shoulder. She worked hard to catch her breath, her eyes seemed to be miles away.

  "Take care of my daughter, Moon, don't let her make the same mistakes I made." Dapple's head fell to the ground, her last breathe escaping her jaws. She was never very strong The exhausted mother had no idea what she was saying, no pup survived and this was her only litter. Dapple had no daughter. Moon hung her white tail in grief and prepared to tell the pack of the tragedy. River would have to pick another alpha female before the next full moon - which was only two sunrises away - or the other packs would see him arrive to The Howl without a mate or offspring and know that their pack was weak. She pushed her nose into Dapple's pelt and said her goodbyes.

  "Farewell my friend. We will never forget your death, nor the death of your pups. May you find peace when you return to your home in the moon with our ancestors." Moon licked Dapple's muzzle one last time in farewell, then turned to leave the den. A weak whimper stopped her in her tracks. It was the sound of a pup. Moon curiously turned back into the den chocked with death. A flicker of movement caught her eye. Curled against the mother's hind leg was a survivor. The last pup pulled from Dapple's hindquarters writhed around in a desperate search for milk.

  "You lived..." The she-pup's chest had been still. A wispy voice whispered in Moon's ear.

  "She is to be named Autumn." Moon looked around her frantically, searching for the source of the voice. Nobody was there. "Take care of her, Moon. Watch over her. One day she will meet the Winter, and it will end in great tragedy. Unless the pack can steer her in the right direction."

  Moon yelped to nobody, "What direction; what tragedy? How do I know what to do?" A shimmering wolf formed in front of her; Dapple.

  "You will know when the time comes; when the ancestors decide it is time." Dapple glanced back to her pup, love sparked in her eyes. "Tell her that I love her everyday." Her body began to disappear into the air.

  "Dapple? No, wait, tell me what to do!" A streak of mist floated out of the den and Moon chased after it. When she entered the clearing, every other wolf had emerged from their own dens. They watched the mist transform into Dapple's form once again. She waited in the clearing, and soon the other three pups' misty souls scampered toward her. Together, they raced into the sky towards the moon. The pack howled in grief as the souls climbed higher into the sky. The wolves turned to Moon, waiting for the cue to pull the bodies into the clearing where they would all mourn the loses. The stronger males stepped forward, ready to help, but the white she-wolf lifted her tail, signaling for them to wait. She padded to the back of the den, sniffing the surviving pup. She carried the pup, Autumn, out of the den. The males that had stepped forward gasped at the sight of the squirming, whimpering pup. One of the males, named Red for his thick red fur, trotted to the den that held the nursery. He briefly talked to his mate, Lilly, a cream female with lake blue eyes, before coming back to Moon.

  "Lilly is making room for the pup in out nest." The two had recently given birth to twin male pups, so they could provide milk for Autumn. Moon followed him to the nursery, but river stepped in front of her, blocking her path.

  "That is Dapple's?"

  "Dapple's daughter. Autumn is her name." Moon had to sit and place the shivering pup against her belly while the alpha was speaking with her. "Dapple named her." The blind pup was golden like her mother and had the same white facemask as her father, though it was a common pattern on wolves.

  "What use could we possibly have for the little scrap?" He growled and lunged for Moon. She dodged his blow, leaving Autumn at the paws of the hefty male. She latched onto his paw for warmth and he flung her off. 

  "Alpha?" A dainty voice sounded behind him. "I have enough milk for her and there is room in the den, if you so allow." Lilly walked up to him, her tail tucked between her legs in submission.

  "Fine, take the scrap. Don't get attached, I doubt she'll make it through the night." River stepped back from the shivering, whimpering pup. Red padded up beside his mate and licked her cheek, then made eye contact with Moon.

  "Shall we retrieve the bodies now?" Grief stabbed Moon's heart as she remembered all the deaths of the night; she nodded ever so slightly at Red, who padded to the den followed by the other males. Moon followed Lilly back to the den, to make sure that the pup would be okay. Lilly placed Autumn beside her sons, Thunder and Chip, in the nest made of grass, leaves and moss. Lilly climbed in and tucked the pups into the nook of her stomach to keep them warm. She licked Autumn's head with gentleness, as if she were her mother. The pup was terribly cold and needed all the warmth she could get.

  "Lilly," Moon started, "it may be best if you stayed with the pups tonight. Do not leave Autumn." Lilly looked up at Moon. 

  "Can't I say my goodbyes to Dapple? I would be quick, and Autumn has Chip and Thunder to keep her warm while I'm away."

  "As long as you're quick, come once Autumn has fallen asleep." Lilly blinked thankfully at Moon, then returned to comforting the pup. When Moon returned to the clearing, Red and the other males had retrieved the four stiffening bodies from the den and the pack was gathered around them. Families stood by each others sides, likely scared by the fact that four wolves died in one night, unexpectedly. 

  There was Moss, who stood beside her mate Cougar and daughter Fawn who was much bigger than a fawn now that she was fully grown. Moss's sister Fern nuzzled her mate Otter; Trout stood with his sisters Weasel and Bear on his right, his mate Dream and son Mule on his left. Mule licked his sister, Koda's, cheek; Koda's mate Geyser and daughter Canyon had left the night before on a small hunting trip, they had no clue of the losses the pack was suffering. 

  River had not yet emerged from his den, and since they couldn't begin without him, Moon went to retrieve him, her heart ripped with sadness as she realized that River and Dapple had been best friends since they were born, and try as he might, River wasn't as angry with her as he led everyone on to believe. Moon padded into the den. Dappled light came in from a hole in the roof of the den, the trees' shadows blocked patches of light, but let in just enough moonlight for Moon to make out River's body sitting in front of the nest he had shared with his mate. 

  "River? We are ready to begin the final ceremony, won't you join us?" A breeze blew into the den, fluffing Moon's fur. 

  "I suppose, but I want the pups buried outside the territory. Their mother betrayed me when she-" Moon's fur bristled with growing anger. 

  "Dapple may have betrayed you but it is not the pups' fault that their mother did what they did. You can not let her mistake guide how you judge her pups. They are innocent; Autumn is innocent." 

  River sighed. "I will pay my respects to Dapple and the pups, they will all be buried under the Ancestor Tree, where we bury all our dead. I suppose I owe them that much. Did Dapple name the other pups?" Moon shook her head, though she knew River didn't see. 

  "No. There was another female and two males." Moon knew that she had to ask before it was too late and now was as good of a time as any. "River? May I ask what you plan to do before the full moon? It's only two more sunrises until then, and we know that the Light Pack will use this opportunity to attack while we're weak." River stood and lifted his tail to silence her. 

  "It's taken care of, I will deal with it at dawn, after the bodies have been buried." Moon dipped her head in respect and padded out of the den to join the circle around the bodies. River emerged soon after her. Every wolf shared memories and farewells to the dead, even Lilly managed to sneak a few moments before the pups cried for her, Red followed to help calm the anxious pups. 

  River led the rest of the pack to the Ancestor Tree where they buried the dead and howled one last time for the dead. River led the pack back into the clearing and everyone returned to their dens to sleep until morning arrived. 

  When the sun's rays reached into the clearing, River yelped from the top of his stone den for the pack to gather in the clearing. Fawn slunk out of River's den, her pelt full and sleek in the dawn light. Her golden eyes caught the light in a way the could make even the most devoted of mates come to her. It was no surprise that River had chosen her as his new mate, though she was much younger than he was. Fawn was lithe, yet strong, pretty and assertive. Fawn lept up to the top of the stone with the alpha male, making herself at home and nuzzling her new mate. Cougar and Moss, her parents, watched from below, pride sparking in their eyes at the sight of their successful daughter. 

  River began his speech. "Dark Pack. We have suffered great loss recently, and prey is scarce, but we should pride ourselves on our strength; as you all are aware of, in two sunrises time, we will be heading to The Howl. I want our strongest males and our most charming females to represent out pack. We must let the Light Pack know that we are nothing but powerful; our pack will never fall again to those bastards!" The whole pack yelped and yipped with excitement. Moon barked from the entrance to her den, showing her support of the Alpha's decision. 

  Fawn stepped forward, her muscles rippling under her sleek fur. She had always craved attention. "River and I have decided that new rules must be set to ensure that we never have another ordeal like the one last night. Dapple thought that she could get away with nothing but a swat to the ears. I say no more! Our ancestors in the moon caused those deaths because Dapple mated with a loner!" The wolves below murmured their agreement. "We have decided that if a female mates with a loner, she is immediately exiled! She may never return again, nor can her pups! We must think of our bloodlines! Pure blood leads to a strong pack! We must stay strong!" The pack howled with agreement. Lilly crouched in the entrance to the nursery, her eyes fearful. Fawn must have noticed. "Autumn however may stay, she is never to be told the truth about her mother, nor her father. All she will ever know is that Lilly and Red are her parents. That is all." Fawn stepped back and sat beside River. 

  River issued orders for the morning parties. "For now, we must patrol our borders and send out hunting trips. Moss, Cougar, Mule and Koda, you will patrol the borders; Weasle, Fern and Otter will go to the elk grounds and hunt. Do not return until you have found food or taken down prey. Do not hesitate to call for backup." 

  Moon's stomach felt unsettled at this news. The Dark Pack had always been strict, all the wolves here knew that only the strong survived and that they had to have strong bonds with the others; it was vital that the pack could work together. The previous winter, a young male had been exiled after disobeying a strict order while on a hunt, causing the pack to lose their only chance of a decent kill for two moons. They lost a litter of newborn pups to starvation because of the male's stupidity. Prey was scarce and patience was thin. 

  Moon caught the scent of Geyser and Canyon; they were talking excitedly to River about the injured moose just within their territory. Fawn went in search of the hunting party and accompanied Weasle, Fern, Otter, Geyser and Canyon to bring down the moose. 

  Within the nursery den, the pups' whimpers and cries escaped the walls, soon the pups were silent, sound asleep. Moon found a patch on sunlight and groomed herself in the golden rays. She wondered about what Dapple had said. It seemed mysterious. Moon knew she had to pull River aside and talk to him about the message the dead Alpha had left. Though, River needed time to recover from his loss; Moon would tell him eventually, but only when it seemed necessary


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Sun Jan 28, 2018 2:33 am
inktopus wrote a review...



Hey, CocoaCat! Inky here for a review this fine Review Day, so let's get a review in for the Red Pandas!

"Come on Dapple, you can do it." The Alpha female was already too far gone.

What Alpha female? Dapple? The one speaking? You need to specify because this is the first sentence, and I have no clue what's going on.

"No, the others didn't make it, what makes you so sure that this one will?" The she-wolf's golden pelt was plastered to her sides, slick with sweat. Dapple grunted as another spasm shook her frail body.

Okay, so now we know, but it'd still be better if that first sentence was clearer.

She was never very strong

If Dapple was never very strong, how did she become Alpha?

There was Moss, who stood beside her mate Cougar and daughter Fawn who was much bigger than a fawn now that she was fully grown. Moss's sister Fern nuzzled her mate Otter; Trout stood with his sisters Weasel and Bear on his right, his mate Dream and son Mule on his left. Mule licked his sister, Koda's, cheek; Koda's mate Geyser and daughter Canyon had left the night before on a small hunting trip, they had no clue of the losses the pack was suffering.

These are a lot of names. They're probably going to be semi-important, so you need to make each one of them memorable. Just listing them all isn't going to make them stick in the reader's brain.

This read similarly to a Warrior Cats book, so be careful that you're not taking too much inspiration from that. You also were a bit telly in your descriptions. You need to show us how the wolves are feeling, not just say their emotions. Describe how they feel and act physically so the reader can figure out what they're feeling.

I think you did an okay job, but I really want to stress to stay away from taking inspiration from Erin Hunter novels. You need to develop this on your own and make it a story unique to you.

If you have any comments or questions, ask below!

~Inky




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Thu Jan 25, 2018 6:32 pm
Justlittleoleme2 wrote a review...



First things first.

This was a very enjoyable read. It carried my interest all the way through, and I found myself very emotional involved with the story.

That being said there were a few issues that stood out to me.

Of course, I will begin my review by saying that I'm no great shakes when it comes to grammar, so I tend not to focus on the little in and outs of punctuation and spelling.

My main focus is on the way a character reacts and behaves, and the "rhythm and flow" of a story.

That said, you are author and these are your characters, anything I say after this point is merely a suggestion.

So, here we go!

I think it would be best if you set the scene bit before dialogue begins. Paint us a picture of the den with the exhausted mother, and motionless pups, then introduce dialogue. I think it lends to the emotional build up.

As the author, you saying the alpha was "too far gone" tells us she is going to die. While this isn't really a bad thing per say, I think you are neglecting an opportunity to build the tension .

Wolf fact: Wolves only sweat through their nose and foot pads, not under their pelt.

I feel as though River changes his mind too quickly. I need to "see" the deliberation on his part, the effect of Moon and Lilly's words on his countenance. I need to know this is hard for him. A good way to do this is to make use of River's body language.

For example:

("What use could we possibly have for the little scrap?" He growled and lunged for Moon. She dodged his blow, leaving Autumn at the paws of the hefty male. She latched onto his paw for warmth and he flung her off.

The tossed pup whined piteously.

"Alpha?" A dainty voice sounded behind him. "I have enough milk for her and there is room in the den, if you so allow." She walked as close as she dared, her tail tucked between her legs in submission.

River watched the pup squirming in the dust, anger and hurt burning in his eyes. He looked towards the den where his faithless mate lay, then lifted his face to the sky. She wasn't sure, but Moon thought she saw tears in his eyes. Without so much as a glance toward Lilly, River stood and left the helpless pup,

"Do whatever you want," he growled as he skulked away.

Red padded up beside his mate and licked her cheek. )

See what I mean? You want your audience to connect with River, to feel his pain and anger. He is the main focus of tension here, you don't want to make him too "floppy".

Concerning the scene in the den:

Grieving and mourning are delicate things, and we show more respect and patience with others during these times than any other.
That said, moved by the emotion of seeing River grieving, it is doubtful Moon would have "rushed him" in any way. It is much more likely that she, and the entire pack, would have waited patiently for him to finish grieving.

I mean, come on! He just lost his mate, and in more ways than one!

That scene has a lot of potential, don't waste it.

Afterwards, you have the two arguing about where the pups should be buried.
Again, River changes his mind way too quickly. One minute he is all bristling anger, Moon says something reasonable, and then he is reasonable again. But when people are angry and in pain they aren't very reasonable.

I'm not saying Moon shouldn't be able to change River's mind, I'm just saying that even if River wanted to be reasonable, his own powerful emotions would get in the way. Show me the struggle!

That's all I have for now. ^-^




CocoaCat says...


Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it! I realise that I jumped into things too quickly but I guess I was so hyped when I fired off this I didn't think about that.
Would you like if I tagged you when I post a new chapter?





No prob!

Sure, I'd love to see what happens next! ^-^



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Wed Jan 24, 2018 12:30 am
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CocoaCat says...



Hope you all enjoy!
@CorruptedArrow @DarkPandemonium @Mea @RoseAndThorn @BlueAfrica @saentiel @Supe4Natural @Lael @alliyah @TheBlueCat @Lupa22 @CharlotteS @Radrook @KaiRyu @Evander @Sheytato @Lake

If anyone does not want to be tagged let me know; likewise, if you DO want to be tagged but you weren't, also let me know!




felistia says...


Please tag me when you release a chapter. It was a great read and I'd love to follow the story. Off to read the other chapters now. :D




I am not a person I am a natural disaster
— TheWordsOfWolf