Autumn Chapter 2

Autumn

6 Months Later... 

Autumn's white paws were soaked to the bone with melted snow and ice, but she wouldn't give up until she found her hidden brothers. They were playing hide and hunt, and this time, it was Autumn's turn to find her brothers. She dominated at this game, rubbing her victory into her brother's faces.

  Autumn pricked her ears and heard her brothers' voices behind a bush. She peered around the branches and saw the two playing Alpha without her! She thought that they were playing hide and hunt. This happened all the time. They avoided their sister like she was a pile of dung! They were the only ones she could play with. Fawn and Koda were expecting pups but it seemed like they were taking an eternity to be born. 

  She snuck around to the back of the rock that Lightning sat on, giving orders to Chip. She got into the crouch that Red had taught her and when Lightning began itching his cheek with his hind leg, she jumped up and knocked her brother off the rock. He squealed and landed on top of Chip, who also squealed. Autumn took her place on the rock and laughed at her dumb brothers. 

  "You're a lot dumber than I thought!" She was licking her paws to warm them up when her brothers started clawing at the rock and jumping at her. She swatted at Lightning and when he fell, she pounced past her unsuspecting brothers. Autumn ran as fast as she could back to camp before her brothers tattled on her. Fawn was walking out of camp at the moment and Autumn hid behind her. 

  "What are you-" Fawn began. But when she heard Autumn's brother racing around the corner, she layed down, keeping the she-pup hidden with her growing belly. "Woah boys, where are you going so fast?" She held out a paw to stop them. 

  "We need to find Autumn!" Chip explained. 

  "Yeah, and when we do we're gonna tattle on her!" 

  They raced past and Autumn came out of hiding; first she pounced on Lightning, then grabbed Chip's tail in her jaws. When both of her brothers were down, she raced into the den where Lilly and Red had been napping together earlier. She crashed into the wall of the den, disturbing Koda, who had been taking a nap. Red and Lilly weren't there. 

  Autumn poked her head out of the den and saw that Chip and Lightning and found her parents by Moon's den! 

  "Uh huh! And then she bit my tail!" Chip whined dramatically. 

  Lightning was scanning the clearing, looking for Autumn. She ducked back into the safety of the den and scrambled over Koda's dark grey pelt and hid between her nest and the wall of the den.

  "Can you keep it down over there?" Koda's stomach swelled with pups; her voice dull with exhaustion. Chip and Lightning scampered into the den, screaming. 

  "If you're in here, Autumn, we're gonna rip you pelt off!" 

  "Yeah! Pile of dung!" Her brothers scampered over Koda, but she stood up and shook them off, she growled at Autumn and forced her out of hiding. When her brothers say her, they scampered into Koda's nest to get me. She growled and barked loudly at the noisy pups. They padded out of her nest, but she chased them forcefully out into the clearing. 

  Lilly and Red sat in front of the den entrance, annoyed looks on their faces. The pups skid to a stop in front of their parents. Koda huffed and returned to her nest. 

  "Perhaps you pups are too big to be kept in camp all the time?" Red asked them. 

  "No, no!" Chip protested rather loudly; he had trouble hunting and fighting. And he had told Autumn one night that he was afraid he would be exiled. 

  River must have heard; he appeared out of his den and trotted over to the large pups. "Lilly, Red. It is time for the pups to be trained. Koda is expecting her litter of pups soon, and Fawn will give birth soon enough. It is time for the pups to move to another den. I will hold the ceremony after Dream, Weasel and Bear return from their hunting patrol." As soon as the Alpha came, he left. Fawn trotted over to him and they lazed in the spring sunlight together. 

  Lilly turned to the pups. "River is right, it's time for you to be trained; here in the den you only get under Koda's paws." She tried to pull the pups under her stomach but they were much too big for that. 

  It all happened so fast, Autumn wasn't sure what to make of all this. She only nodded and padded away with her brothers. Red guided them to the youth's den. It had been empty all winter, and the only nests were falling apart. 

  "You can make yourselves useful and repair these nests. Make sure to clean out the den of brambles and things that will snag in your fur." Red left. 

  The pups stared into the messy den, unsure of where to start. 

  "Autumn," Chip began, "how about you do the nests and Lightning and I will do the rest?" 

  "Fat chance, Chip! The nests need more work than the rest of the den and I'm not too dumb to be pulled into one of your tricks." The pups each chose a nest and began working. 

  Soon enough, the hunting party returned, bringing news of a drowned bull elk. River began the ceremony at once. 

  Lightning, Chip and Autumn were asked to step up to the Alpha's stone. Fawn leaped down, landing in front of the three. 

  She began the ceremony with Chip. He was given Moon as his teacher. He was going to be a healer wolf; Fawn said that Moon saw a side in Chip that would make him a wonderful addition in the healing den. Moon padded up confidently to the youth and stood by Chip. 

  Then it was Lightning's turn. "Lightning will be taught by Geyser; they are both competitive and liked to push the limits as far as they possibly can." Fawn told the pack. Geyser trotted up to his student and sat by his side; the males' eyes sparked with mischief. 

  Finally, it was her turn. Autumn's paws quivered with anticipation, her ears twitched with excitement. "Autumn, Weasel will be your teacher. You both are small and fast; determined to do your best." Fawn signaled with her tail for the lithe white female to step up to Autumn and await further orders. 

  Fawn climbed back to the top of the Alpha rock and the pack howled in celebration of Lilly and Red's successful litter. The parents stepped up to their children and touched noses, as if saying farewell. The three were no longer pups, and they would never share a nest with their father or suckle from their mother again. They were students now. 

  River halted the howling and began making preparations for The Howl, which was only a few days away. "All the new students and their teachers will go. But we need a couple volunteers to stay behind." Bear, Red, Canyon and Otter chose to stay behind. Fawn was determined to make the trip, despite her weight, size and River's begging for her to stay in camp. 

  She ignored him and directed the teachers to show their students the Dark Pack's territory. 

  The six got ready to set out. Thus ending the last chapter of the siblings' lives.

Comments & reviews · 4
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inktopus
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Hey, CocoaCat! Happy Review Day! Let's get another review in for the Red Pandas!

Koda's stomach swelled with pups; her voice dull with exhaustion. Chip and Lightning scampered into the den, screaming.

This makes it sound like her stomach is in the middle of swelling, which I'm sure isn't the case. I'd say not to use it was a verb, and instead use 'swollen'.

"Yeah! Pile of dung!"

Like I mentioned last time, this is pretty close to insults used in the Warrior Cats novels. I want to urge you to be careful about how much inspiration you take from those books. This story needs to be all your own, including the setting.

The pups skid to a stop in front of their parents.

The bolded word is in the present tense. The problem with that is you have been writing in the past tense. Just changed it to 'skidded'.

When her brothers say her, they scampered into Koda's nest to get me

You have a typo in bold, but that's not what I originally wanted to point out. At the end of the sentence, you switch to the first person. I think you know how to fix that, but if not, I'm happy to help further if you ask.

I will hold the ceremony after Dream, Weasel and Bear return from their hunting patrol."

I've already said this so many times, but I really really really think this is important. Do not take any more inspiration from Warrior Cats. It's more important that you write something that's original. You can't take the setting from the books, change it to wolves, and then call that original. It's not. If you want to write fanfiction, write fanfiction, but don't say something is an original novel when you're so blatantly using aspects from another novel, especially one as popular as this one (it's wrong to plagiarize, but when the novel is more well known, you will definitely get caught).

As soon as the Alpha came, he left.

I'm assuming you're talking about Red here (it's a bit unclear, so you might want to fix that). This sentence makes it sound like as soon as River showed up and started talking, Red just left, which seems a bit rude, especially to the wolf that's in charge. I think you may have meant to say that as soon as the Alpha left Red left too.

She began the ceremony with Chip. He was given Moon as his teacher. He was going to be a healer wolf; Fawn said that Moon saw a side in Chip that would make him a wonderful addition in the healing den.

Another thing that's directly taken from Erin Hunter's novels.

River halted the howling and began making preparations for The Howl, which was only a few days away.

This Howl sounds like a gathering to me, and not just any gathering, a gathering like in Warriors.

The six got ready to set out. Thus ending the last chapter of the siblings' lives.

The last chapter? That makes it sound like they're about to die. Either this is blatant foreshadowing (if so, tone it down), or this is a mistake in wording. If wording touble, I'd say: Thus beginning the next chapter of the siblings' lives.

You had an issue with the description; it was very telly. You need to describe the setting, the characters, everything really because the audience doesn't know what they look like, It's the beginning of the story. Use all of your five senses to describe what's happening (that's called imagery). Ask questions about things you're having difficulty describing well. Is it hot? Cold? What does it feel like? Etc. Using stronger verbs (eg. flopped instead of sat) will also help your description become stronger. You just need to think more about what you're seeing in your head and how you want to convey that on paper (or the computer screen, in this case).

In the same vein as description, you need to describe your characters' feelings. Don't tell us what they're feeling, use tells in their behavior so the reader can infer how they feel. Tail between the legs? Scared. Maybe the character is fidgety. They could be nervous. There are so many options for this, and they're all a lot more powerful than just saying how the characters feel.

I think the biggest issue with this is the stealing, yes I'm going to say stealing, from Erin Hunter's Warriors books. Like I've said before, if you're going to say this is not fanfiction and is an original story, then make it original. Make everything original. If you want to write fanfiction, you should do that instead, but it's wrong to take someone else's work and pass it off as your own, which is what you're doing by implying this is original (from the lack of fanfiction tags on the work and the fact that you've changed some of it).

Overall, I think that this is okay, for a piece of writing, but the plagiarization (even if it wasn't meant to be, it still is) of the work of Erin Hunter is not acceptable. I'd say to seriously reconsider writing this as an original novel.

If you have any questions or comments, tell me in a reply down below!

~Inky

Thanks for the reviewD!
But ya know, I didn't realize that wolves couldn't say the word dung considering that it is a pretty common thing in most mammals. I mean last i checked wolves also pooped.
*checks google just to be sure*
Yeah wolves do poop, so u can back off, thanks :D

"...and they are unable to relieve themselves without a little help. Mother wolves lick the pups in their groin area to get things moving, and actually consume the urine or feces..."
http://www.wildlifesciencecenter.org/ke ... eep-repeat

And just for your information, WOLVES SHIT LIKE EVERY OTHER ANIMAL IN THE WORLD!!!

Hey, ya know what, I think I might change that phrase to something that may better suite (and resemble) you.
I could change it to "pile of feces". Again thanks for your 'helpful' review.
:D

Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If i offend you I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)

THIS WAS SO GOOD!!! KEEP IT UP!! CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!

From what I can see you don't have any grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.

Thanks for the review, screw having a GOOD day; I'll have a GREAT day! :)

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LakeOfCancer
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THIS WAS AMAZING! I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO EVEN WRITE A REVIEW FOR THIS NOW!!!!XD BUT OMG LOVE IT LOVEITLVOEITLOVEITLOVZELOVEIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God, I love these chapters!XD

THANKS!!! I'm so glad you liked it so much, thanks for your support! :D

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CocoaCat
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Hope you all enjoy!
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If anyone does not want to be tagged let me know; likewise, if you DO want to be tagged but you weren't, also let me know!



Life is like a bag of potatoes, it starts out rough, but can turn into something beautiful (and yummy).
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