our kingdom

Gah you killed me with this why you do this ;-;


This is so good, I love it and I love you, chat me later pleaseeee

Hi marmalade! I hope you have a nice day! I just want to say that this is a beautiful poem. You really have a way with words and how to structure them correctly so that they connect with each other and flow . Maybe you could create stanzas to make it look like a poem. But still, i like it, especially with your repetition. It helps a lot with emphasizing your point. So overall, i believe that this is a great poem and the only thing i see that you need to change is with the way you structure your poem, as well as making your meaning a bit clearer.

I have a feeling that your poem talks about feeling delightful in the face of obstacles and accusations. I might be wrong, and if i do, don't forget to call me out! Still, i really like this poem, especially the lines "yet again and i can yet again bite my tongue until i taste blood,
but i forget what pain feels like when i’m trapped in elegant dresses", especially with the way you put blood and elegant together. Have a nice day!

Let's get right into the news.

A few noteworthy things:
-There's the classic, starting line or question that YA books and young writers always use to intrigue the audience.
-no capitalization whatsoever. i suppose this is to give the feeling of silence and neutrality.
-One long af stanza. Woooo. Makes it a little bit hard to read though.

This poem is quite vivid and everything, from the non-capitalization of letters to the imagery, paints a clear picture of what happens. Just a few things I need to break.

First part is when the persona gets burned at the stake ("am I..." to "slicing through me"). In this part, I can't help but feel like the relationship between the persona's feelings and the circumstances they are in is so unreasonable to the point of masochism or insanity. I mean, she's getting burned at the stake and getting called out for treason, but for some reason *his* words come with a "sweet relief." It just comes off as masochistic.

That is, unless, the persona believes in a hope that this kingdom will become nice and proper yet again. Maybe they hold on to that belief so firmly that they don't mind the Jean d'Arc-like suffering they're going through; instead, they focus on the sweetness of *his* words. However, that goes in conflict with the last lines. The last lines are the persona hoping that they'll run out of stones. That there will be no more rebuilding of the kingdom. That the kingdom will simply end. It's a big conflict.

There are a lot more confusing/inconsistent parts, but I showed this to point out that this poem is so vague. Yes, it's vivid. It's very pictorial. But the individual pictures are just so disjointed and unclear to the point where it just shows an incoherent story.

Vague/confusing parts:
-"intelligent replies" (there's no transition between the burning at the stake part and the rebuilding castle walls part)
-" i can yet again bite my tongue until i taste blood" (What is this supposed to mean? Why is the persona doing this?)
-"one day, we’ll run out of stones." (The connection between the kingdom and stones is unclear)
-"oh, shower me with compliments! (but keep the walls high)" (again, no transition between ideas. Also, there aren't any other details in this poem that gives a clear meaning to the second line in this passage. It just comes out of nowhere.)

The vagueness/confusion in these parts mainly comes from
a. The lack of transition between ideas
b. The imagery popping out of nowhere without any other details that can give it a clear meaning. Basically, it's inconsistent in the themes of its imagery. Well, it's all connected to castles and kingdoms, but the imagery feels like it pops out of nowhere without any connection to the previous imagery used.
c. The lack of an apparent main idea or message that all these details point to.

Basically, I don't get the meaning of this poem because all its details aren't unified and cohesive.

It's nice to be vague sometimes. It adds a little bit of suspense in the mix. But it can backfire really hard. Think of it this way. Writing was created in order to send a message. If writing can't send a message, then where's the beauty in it? It's nice to be vague sometimes. However, the beauty of writing lies more in clarity than it does in vagueness.

On the bright side, this poem is very vivid. It paints a clear picture in the reader's mind of what's happening. It's like marmalade. Sour, but at the same time, sweet. Sour in knowing the suffering of the persona. Sweet in how pictorial and easy to ingest/imagine each scene is. I believe this is the strength of this marmalade. It just needs a little more ingredients to unify all the flavors into one beautiful beverage.

TL;DR:

Pros
-very vivid

Cons
-incoherent
-lacks cohesion
-lacks unity

I'm out. Good night.

Hi Jegde here for a review
This was a lovely piece! I really enjoyed reading and seeing how unique it was. There are a few things I think you can fix up, though.

Don't forget to capitalize your I's since this will make you poem look more proper unless you have done this on purpose to show the characters self-esteem (or another reason).

I also found the end slightly confusing, did the main character enjoy being complimented or insulted? At the start, I felt the whole theme or resilience and laughing at the face of danger but at the end that theme was stopped and it abruptly changed to the theme of receiving compliments. Are you trying to say that this character wants both things or are you being sarcastic?

I also recommend that you use paragraphs in your piece so that it becomes more defined.

Other than that, this was fantastic and a delight to read! I hope to read more of your poems!