Good night.

Hi, this is kman134. i'm here to review.

this is a pretty good poem. it's like an ominous christmas poem.

"The night has come and seized the sky."

this was my favorite part. it foreshadows the ever coming darkness that plagues the heavens.

"It has taken hold of it and filled it with lights, and dreams conquer my every thought with reveries of spring showers and kittens in socks."

the symbolism and imagery of this stanza was so good. the emotional aspects of the poem really caught me.

this was pretty good. i hope you write more.

Hey Alice !
Amazingly awesome poem. I mean the way you write it. It's short and sweet and perfectly penned. According to my perception you are a nive poet who can say and wtite in short but perfect. Hats off. Keep it up. Want to read more n more n more of your poems many says that you are a novelist too means you write stories also. Will surely search and go through all. Must be really readable .Stay blessed!

Hey Alice,

I like this poem a lot better than your others. I've reviewed quite a few of them and I think this one has the best use of words and simplicity to get your message across without the complexities of long drawn out backstories. It feels more in the moment, than your story poems, and captures a better realism than "I Would Kill Myself" which was sort of debating.

I would suggest you simplify this a little bit more. Basically there's one line I dislike which is your second line. You use "it" three times in the single line and that just makes it feel clunky rather than smooth. If you took out two of them you'd be in better shape. I'd suggest replacing the first one with some other way of saying "the night" like maybe the darkness, after hours, what have you, something that isn't "night" because you already have that twice in this poem, so something else, and then just eliminate the prepositional phrase "of it" which really doesn't add to the line at all. The line is fine with just "(what have you) has taken hold and filled it with lights" because it's more of a whimsical simplification of language that poetry is recognized for.

I really like how you end this poem because the last couplet is quite realistic and displays a tired brain well.

I think the only other thing I'd suggest you play with is maybe punctuation and capitalization. Try taking it out and see how this poem feels with that, because I bet you it'll seem a lot less stuff if you did. It'd be quieter too.

Suggestions for the next one:

I think this poem worked so well because you weren't thinking too much about what to write, you were just writing. If you continue to just let your brain puzzle pieces together rather than your story, I think you'll get better poems. My one caution is that you should include things like "kittens in socks" these abstract ideas that are unique to your imagination, sooner, and more in depth. Use metaphors to their full potential. Relate things that people wouldn't expect to be related, and then wow them with the ways that they really are relatable. That's going to allow you to make anything a poem, even just talking with your friends, if you start describing things to them in metaphor, can be used as a poem.

The best thing you can do to keep this going is to keep reading and writing out your thoughts and feelings about things in poetic ways. What I mean by poetic ways is not using poetic language, but using poetic devices, metaphor where you relate something as something else, simile, where you relate something like something else, alliteration, which is the use of sounds at the beginning of words to connect things like balls and bastards, creativity, making things unique to yourself in a way that no one else could say it, and most of all, making sure your poems are clear. Make sure you could read it to someone who wasn't interested in poetry in the slightest, and either get them upset or laughing depending on the mood you want to share. You can do this by making it conversational, in every day language that you really use in real life with only the Occasional vocabulary drop.

Because of the way this poem is written, and it's length, you've manage to capture what you can do well, and to improve upon that, you need to focus on those strengths and expand them towards the horizons you want to meet. Keep writing.

Aley

Hey! I am here to review your short poem!


This poem is awesome, even if you wrote it at 1 am... Well done. As soon as I read the first line I was so interested. This poem brings up many questions. It's a powerful, well written poem. You are a poet, keep writing more poems, and do them all at 1 am. Maybe that could be your secret... I don't know

I love the last line "Good night", because maybe you intended to put that there? Or maybe you put it there because it was late, and you where tired (Well, maybe you were not tired, but I don't know) As I said, keep writing more poems at 1 am.
Keep up the good work! Keep writing! Well done!

-Ronan

MAD THIS IS AWESOME YOU ARE SO GREAT AT THIS!
Seriously. Personally, you are a better poet than a novelist. But that's just my stupid brain thinking, be what ever you want to be. But this is super awesome and you have described what people think/see during the night. It's quick, precise and just beautiful. The imagery and the words you've chosen just fit with everything. I can't even do that. Fit words, I mean. I just mix stuff up and end up with a stupid work. THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT CRAP.

And that abrupt good night at the end was, for me, the funniest part. It's possibly saying that you've had enough night time for now (similar to the that's enough internet for today meme).

*FIST BUMP*

STAY AWESOME!

AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING~

I must say, despite how late you wrote this is, it reads really well. Poetry can do that. Also being in a state of near sleep is probably good when writing about that state.
The first line is deeply poetic and creates beautiful imagery in the mind. The same can be said for the next two lines after. The fourth line is where things get fun. You've captured both the wonder and quirks that accompany dreams. The "kittens in socks" part added a bit of humor to the poem and made me smile. The "Good Night" at the end was a satisfying ending. All the lines before it build up the dazed exhaustion of late night, and this part brings it to a neat close. The only thing I can find fault with this poem is that it was such a pleasure to read that I wish there was more of it! You did a really great job here

For some reason the mind is at its best when we should probably be sleeping. It's probably because we're so tired that our minds have started dreaming while we're still awake. XD But seriously, this is amazing. I love the dreamworld and dream science and all that, and I think your little poem sums it up perfectly. The first line is beautiful, the thought that the night is a separate entity which fights the day and seizes the sky from it, filling the wide expanse with lights. Beautiful. The randomness in the final line (well, second to last) portrays dreams brilliantly, yet because it's so true the poem doesn't even feel random. Every letter in every word has a purpose, and it all comes together to create a fantastic poem.

P.S. It would be super cool if you got a nice picture of the night sky, then superimposed your poem onto that image. I would definitely use it as a desktop background.