Coffins

Hi. This is kman134. i'm here to review.

This was a decent poem. depressing, but decent.

it reflects on how pointless life cane, giving it the nihilistic message of time. it's true we will be forgotten and lost in an endless autumn. however, there is still hope that after autumn will come a joyous winter. there might be nothing, or maybe there's something. all we can do is pray, either to god or some other personal deity.

this was pretty good. i hope you write more.

not that i dont think of how pointless life is but damn the last part

feels man. no srs this is good wtf

Hello there. KingQueenKnave here, an honest reviewer. I am here, obviously, to review your poem and, most of all it seems, read your additional commentary. If I might be honest, I would have preferred it if you had posted it as a comment or as a status, because I like the mystery the poem brings.

Speaking of mystery, across your four lined poem- even with an explanation- a lot has not been totally ascertained. First of all, I am unsure as to whether or not to feel depressed or hopeful in the fact that "no one on Earth...will know our names", but a line such as "orphaned by hope" really does hit home. For that, I do applaud the honesty of the poem's worldview. Secondly, your use of the title emphasises that what defines life is what happens after death. This, again, appears to be a very pessimistic, if incredibly unrealistic, outlook on life.

Now, my criticism of your piece is not of the poem itself- I saw little errors in grammar or punctuation- but the fact that, within the piece, you have decided to give away the meaning. I prefer works which are either unsubtle and clearly illustrate emotions, or ones which have some mystery to them. By knowing what you mean, I feel spoilt. In fact, I even feel schooled because my interpretation of your work is apparently wrong.

Overall, a very good poem, but one which doesn't warrant an explanation within the work.

This was freaking awesome. I mean wow you are a really deep person to think such an amazing thing. The best part is that it was short and sweet and yet it left a great impact on me.
So yeah well done!
Fangirl~

Good job and a very deep poem may i ask what inspired you to write something like this(not saying its bad just wondering)please PM me the awnser and I didnt see any grammer issues (its to short to find any XD) any way its very deep and meaningful so good job and keep writing

I didn't get this poem...but sorry I don't. There wasn't much to read, and usually I like short stuff. Oh well, guess that's just me. Other than that, what I did get was VERY deep, and sad, and made me want to cry. So sad. Anyways, nice job!

You write the same way I do! Deep poetry that catches the eye! I'm not one to typically enjoy short poems. Honestly, I'm not the biggest fan of rhyming poems either. However, I like the way you made something as negative and depressing and coffins into a short poem that's written in an uplifting way. Not that the poem is lighthearted--but the way it's written (short and rhyming) tends to lead the readers into a fun mood. In only four sentences(well..lines), you conveyed a strong message and one that can resonate with the readers. Great job!

That was dark and beautifully sad.

Wow, can't even start with an upbeat entry for this one, and that takes some serious topics... Why you ruin my entrys??XD Anyway... I love that Edgar Allan Poe feel you got going here, and he's one of my favorite poets... I loved how you portrayed a serious feeling that even I couldn't ruin, that takes a whole lot, like I said earlier. I like how you put the over time thing, it really makes the reader want to think how MUCH time that it took for people to eventually forget the person... Meh, bye yall...

Hi.

I'm going to make this short.

I like how you've used end-stopped lines; they create the appearance of imprisonment, which echoes the whole 'we-are-trapped-in-coffins' message pretty well. The poem's also rather simple in itself, because it explores the inability of people to make an indelible mark on the world; gradually, they will fade into memory. 'In time we are forgotten' is a verse I would argue as being your second-weakest line, mostly because it's not new in the manner with which it has been phrased. As poets, we recycle more ideas than we recycle coca cola cans, but we strive to phrase our ideas in newer, more-engaging, 'original' ways. So, as it stands right now, your beginning's not the strongest entry into a poem; I enter the piece thinking of the atypical, brooding narrator, who looks out of their window with a languor that does not even begin to reflect the bitterness of autumn--the bitterness of death.

I like the connection between 'autumn' and 'withering', but besides that, the mention of the season itself does not appear to serve much purpose to the overall message of the poem. Autumn's unending, sure, I understand that, but why is it supposed to strike a chord with me? Autumn itself is at once both beautiful and dead; it is the start of decay--it is a last attempt by the natural world to appear to us in a captured moment of vibrancy. Is the narrator trying to say death is beautiful and sorrowful at once? I think winter would be a more apt comparison--but again, it's a comparison that has been drawn many times before, so if you're keeping the theme of nature, I'd advise giving it a neat twist. Use pathetic fallacy? Give the seasons actions that are synchronous with what the poem, in a broader context, conveys?

The poet sees hope as being analogous to life, which means life has orphaned these people--but what is their struggle? How do they wither? The poem doesn't really tie in Point One (being forgotten) to Point Two (being orphaned), so the poet doesn't very much succeed in getting anything solid across.

Writing shorter poetry is tricky, because you're trying to condense with as much art what people could go raving on about for years and yet never truly be able to explore to its core. Try your hand at this again, think about your subject matter, and experiment with the idea. Normally, shorter poetry juxtaposes two ideas and explores parallels (most poetry does this, actually). You'll see ideas in a poem evolve, as they try to reach a sort of climax before they settle. In technical terms, this is called the volta, but let's just stick with calling it the turn/point of change, ay? Right now, this piece is only exploring one facet of a cuboid; turn it over; look at the other sides as well.

Keep writing! Hope this helped.

~Pomp

HEY MAAAD WASSUP THIS IS MY FIRST REVIEW IN FREAKING MONTHS DAYS YEARS!

So, I reviewed on the first poem you published in this site and I can tell that you've improved a lot. In fact, you're better than me now! YAY!

I LOVE THIS POEM IT'S JUST SIMPLE BUT NICE AND SAD BUT NICE NONETHELESS.

Why am I writing this in caps lock? Because I AM SO SURPRISED THAT YOU HAVE GROWN A LOT. I can't freaking do that (Well maybe I can but I'm too lazy to do so). Hurraaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

I have nothing to correct, it's just pure awesomeness.

Yeah, I suck at reviewing now.

is it autumn because of the leaves thing and symbolism? Yeah, I don't know what autumn looks like but I think it represents like change or life ending or whatever I DONT KNOW I CAN'T FEEL IT. CURSE YOU TROPICAL COUNTRY.

Okay, that's all, and as always,

HAPPY WRITING~

(I just, I miss the 'happy writing' part of my reviews xD)

This is good, very deep. I personally don't like one stanza poetry but this is an exception. There is no more that needs to be said, so no more should be added. I love this is about how everyone eventually gets forgotten, and how we are so afraid for it to happen. You put this into the perfect words. Amazing, keep on writing.